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Nurses Recovery

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I'll keep this brief, as I am not sure if this is the correct forum to post in. To cut a very long story short, my (very) young adult daughter is currently rolling around the city streets after becoming addicted to smoking oxy. Never in a million years did I imagine this would happen, but here I am; desperate, heart-broken, angry, hurt, lost, confused, ashamed, and generally utterly broken that we have lost our daughter to this wretched disease.

I simply don't know what to do, where to turn, or how to help. She refuses to see she has a problem, and as she's an "adult" (I use the term loosely) I have no legal recourse and cannot control her or force her into rehab. The only thing we have control over is our own behavior and - as devastating as it is - is to refuse to enable her. We gave her an ultimatum - stay home and get help, or choose theft, dishonesty, sneakiness, and drug-use. She chose the drugs, and walked out with the clothes on her back and a shoulder bag with some random things in it.

Please - any advice, point me to the correct forum, private message me, anything. I am desperate, heart-sick, and lost. I feel like I am just sitting here, expected to carry on with life-as-normal, and wait for the knock on the door to say my DD has been found dead in some seedy motel from an OD. :cry:

Wow, this is sad and scary. I'm praying for your girl to see the light and feel the love out there for her from something good. It can happen. Why is there so much pain in this world?

Lots of love to you too, Apple-Core. :inlove: (((BIG HUG)))

This is so tough. I am a recovering addict, and I was lucky. My family unfortunately wasn't enough to force me in to treatment, but when I was reported to the Board of Nursing, for whatever reason, that was sadly the kick in my pants I needed to enter treatment. I don't know why my family wasn't enough (I am still dealing with the guilt over that). It was a rocky start, but I got there and am so happy to be thriving now, completely substance free for almost 2 years.

I hate to say it, but like your daughter, drugs were the ultimate relief for my mental illness...until they weren't anymore. By the time I realized it, I was in too deep.

I only had my father, but all he could do was wait for me to be willing to get treatment...but when that day finally came, the emotional support he gave me was invaluable. When I got clean, he helped with what little money he had to put groceries on the table. He never gave me cash, but it didn't matter. I was clean and if I needed groceries while I was unemployed and in treatment, be bought me groceries. I had a solid year and a half of a wonderful, sober relationship with him before he died unexpectedly. I'm so grateful he was around to see me with some quality clean time.

My only advice is to take care of yourself; counseling, group meetings, whatever you can do to build your tribe, your new support network. Continue what you are doing and do not enable her financially in any way shape or form. And if she asks for help to get clean, do whatever you feel comfortable with in assisting her.

You are grieving and mourning...because you have suffered a loss. You have to respect that process and go through the stages of grief. You need support for that, informally like friends and family...and formally, like Al-Anon and a quality therapist with experience in grief, loss, or addiction.

All I can say is I'm so sorry for your circumstance. There is hope, it's not over yet. But you have to take care of yourself first before you can be any good to anyone else. Best wishes to you.

Thank you all.

Specializes in Adult Primary Care.

I'm so sorry. I agree with trying Al-non. I found it helpful when I was younger and had a sibling that was addicted. I cannot imagine watching a child go through this, I am truly sorry and sending hugs and thoughts your way.

Specializes in Med/Surg.

Hugs to you, Apple Core. I hope your daughter realizes that she needs help before something terrible happens.

We are experiencing a similar situation with an adult child with mental illness. He's refusing treatment, and yesterday he left the house and has not returned. We had finally got him here a few weeks ago after he was on his own in another state (with no ID, money, phone, etc.) for a few weeks.

((Hugs)) to you too, Ado Annie.

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Oh Ado - I'm so sorry. I feel your pain.

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***UPDATE***

So - she is home again, after a week. Her depression is crushing, and I suspect is a combination of poor eating and sleeping, drug use, failure to take prescribed meds, combined with her previous depression. I'm just about holding it together. Thank you all again.

Specializes in Adult Primary Care.

Hugs to both you and Ado Annie.

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** NEW UPDATE **

She left again. I'm too emotionally wrung out to go into detail, sorry. I have a feeling this will be a cycle unless we refuse to enable her cyclic returns. UGH!

Specializes in Geriatrics, Dialysis.

I am so, so very sorry. I wish I had some sage advice, sadly all I can offer is hugs to you.

Apple-Core....

I just deleted a massive post that I think was more cathartic for me lol.

This isn't about my family or me. It's about you and yours. I guess what I wanted to say is you are not alone although I'm sure it feels it. Many of us on here can empathize with you. Please take a small amount of comfort in knowing that.

Take care of yourself. Keep the faith.

I'm sending you all the love, light and strength that I can.

Xoxo

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