is this bullying?

psu_213, BSN, RN · Jun 15, 2018

I had no prior warning that the girls had a problem with me.

I'm not sure if you refer to others in your cohort as "girls," but I definitely think this could be off putting especially from an older student. Not saying that is what is happening, but this attitude, if you will, could have a negative impact on others.

We had a student in our nursing school class who had a fairly extensive medical history--at this point, I forget what it included. With any discussion she would always add how she had XYZ problem once, and "they actually did this for it" (often something different from what we were being taught in lecture). When we learned about the nursing care for medical procedures, she would say "well, when I had this done, the nurses really did ABC" (again, different from what we were being taught). This was probably a coping mechanism on her part, and she probably had no idea that it bothered people, but it started to get on the nerves of the class. I'm not saying that is what happened in your (the OP) case--just that others perceptions of you may be way different from what you think about yourself.

Unfortunately, it was very poorly handled by you instructor. She probably should have worded it is "just some things I have noticed..." rather than "your cohort doesn't like you."

DowntheRiver · Jun 15, 2018

You do you to get through the program so you can graduate, take the NCLEX, and get your license. Pay no mind to those other folks. Hang back a little, keep the socializing to a minimum, and study by yourself unless you're doing a group project. I wouldn't share your notes or assignments with your classmates, either. Study hard and focus on your skills in clinical. Be friendly and offer to help if you see a fellow student struggling or they ask, but don't offer unless it really seems like they need it or ask.

caliotter3 · Jun 15, 2018

I found myself resenting the two "bored housewives" who insisted on sitting front and center and managed to monopolize every classroom or clinical situation. And I was in the same age group. Of course, the instructors were responsible for a lot of this when they would not call on other students. The opinions of the rest of the students did not matter because the instructor "favoritism" played out regardless. Same as in the workplace or anywhere else in life. At this point you aren't going to change any opinions. Conduct yourself as you wish in class. Ultimately, most people do that anyway. As they say, you do you, and let others do themselves.

allnurses Guide · Jun 15, 2018

There was an older student in my class, who had one goal to work with one specific group of people; and everything had to be about that group. Read all the books before the semester started and was ready to answer absolutely everything, with how it affected only her interests. Wasn't always right either. Useless in clinical and had to repeat a semester. So, yeah, there are people the rest of the class resents for monopolizing every conversation. Does this sound like you? Not that I pick up from what you said :) But people do react to someone who seems to "know it all". My advice, just scale back the classroom responses.

On the other hand, my daughter was in a private high school after having homeschooled everything before that. She read the assignments, and answered evverything correctly; until the teacher told her to stop and let others answer. No one else ever did. Teacher literally would stand there trying to get a response, and coming back to my daughter who refused to answer anymore. When she got back from a trip (we did her schooling online while she was gone), the rest of the students pulled her aside and said "don't answer anything! we've gotten good at distracting (the teacher) so she never finishes so we don't get homework". School closed the next year.

Moral of the story is, keep quiet and see if anyone else actually has answers. Lets them showcase themselves, or flounder. Either one works!

Orion81RN · Jun 16, 2018

Throw a small group of people together in an extremely stressful, high-pressure and competitive situation, and this sort of thing can happen. Benign quirks and personality differences get blown out of proportion, little annoyances become intolerable, and people find reasons to pick at one another.
By the end of nursing school, our class was down to only 8 people and separated into two cliques that loathed one another. Three days after graduation literally everything was forgotten and no one cared. As time passes, none of this stuff will seem important anymore.
Take this as a lesson. Ask yourself what parts of your personality might come ass as abrasive or off-putting. Be grateful for the learning experience and ability to work on how you interact/engage with others before entering the workforce. You'll be fine.

Good point. Oh, and OP. Those talking about you are talking about each other as well. They are laughing and smiling together and then turning around talking about THAT person.

I kept my head down in nursing school. I did the work. I was excellent with patients and staff. I simply did not partake in gossip. This came back to bite me when instructors criticised me for that during my end of clinical review. The ONE time I attempted to be part of a group and talk along with them, the witches twisted my words and went and told the teacher that THEY had been talking about, that I was badmouthing the teacher. They were calling her a b$&ch. I said that I agreed she seemed ready to retire (as we were her last class before her retirement.)

I do not regret keeping my head down with the socializing. It can come back to bite you either way. I'd rather have a clean conscience knowing I wasn't part of bullying behavior.

JadedCPN, BSN, RN · Jun 16, 2018

"is this bullying?"

No.

VioletKaliLPN, LPN · Jun 16, 2018

Unfortunately, I stuck out like a sore thumb in Nursing school. I have a 4.0 GPA and maintained it throughout.

My instructor, and director of the program, unfortunately put the 5 highest grades out in the open with a statement on congratulations. She intended well! I am already socially awkward though, so it made me a target.

Needless to say, many within my cohort disliked me. With this being stated, my instructors were pleased with my work and wrote reference letters highlighting my work and academic effort.

Don't allow these people to ruin your upcoming graduation! Make sure the teacher is pleased with your work, ask her of there is anything that she believes you should do differently, and hold your head up high.

kbrn2002, ADN, RN · Jun 16, 2018

To answer your question, no this is not bullying. It certainly wasn't professional on the part of the instructor to inform you your classmates don't like you, but it's not bullying. With only a relatively short time to go before you are done with school I wouldn't even be concerned with those classmates that for whatever reason didn't include you in their high school like clique. Unless you live in a truly tiny town you won't ever need to have anything to do with those people once you finish school so just focus on you and doing what you need to do to graduate and pass the NCLEX.

amzyRN · Jun 16, 2018

I would talk to her again documenting your discussion and tell her you to need specific examples so that you can improve. Tell her how much you enjoy the program and also that your are enthusiastic about the material. If she gives you examples, try to adjust to what she wants, documenting how you are meeting her standards. Creating a paper trail, if you feel this is age discrimination or a personal issue she has and not deficient performance, will protect you. What she has said is not in and of itself "bullying".

Life isn't fair sometimes and you will encounter people who don't like you or are abrasive and you'll have to find a way to deal with it, rather than letting it in affecting your self-esteem. I don't think this one incident is harassment or "bullying". If it were me though, I would insist on specific examples of deficiencies and I would attempt to improve my performance.

Horseshoe, BSN, RN · Jun 17, 2018

Actions may well be inappropriate or unprofessional. That does not mean it's bullying. One of the standard definitions of bullying is that it must be repetitive behavior over time. One incident of someone saying something hurtful does not qualify as bullying.

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · Jun 18, 2018

Not bullying. And try not to catastrophize the situation. "Not liking" you is not the same as "hating" you. I was an older student in nursing school, with prior college experience, more accustomed to academia than most of my classmates, and I tended to raise my hand immediately, answer questions, and do what I thought of as contributing, as expected, to the class discussion. Guess what? Not how many of my classmates saw it. Count your blessings -- I got actual audible sighs and eye rolls from some of my classmates when I would raise my hand, eventually. A professor spoke with me, with more finesse than yours did with you, and explained that, by always raising my hand and having the answer to each of her questions, I was letting all the other students off the hook (I still remember her saying, "I'll make a deal with you -- I'll assume that you know the answers to the questions, and you hang back and give the other students a chance to respond.")
I made a few good friends in nursing school, some of the students actively disliked me, which was fine with me, and most of my class and I had no feelings for each other one way or the other. You go to nursing school to learn about nursing, not to be popular with your classmates. Worrying about whether the group "likes" you or not seems kind of high school to me. Most of these people you'll never see or even think much about again once you graduate.
Dealing with real life nursing is going to be quite a bit tougher, emotionally, than dealing with cliques in school. Return to school, MYOB, "keep your eyes on the prize," and keep moving forward. I hope you can move past this and figure out a way to not react to things in an emotional way, or you're going to be doing a lot more crying once you've graduated and started working. Best wishes!

It is true that seeking to be popular is not the main issue, but it sure is miserable when you think people don't like you.

OP - It sounds like your Instructor meant well but did a poor job in communicating with you. Elkpark's answer is much kinder.

As others have suggested, just stop answering questions, let others do the answering.

If you have questions, ask some. TraumaRus wanted to get home, so do others in your group, I imagine, but you have a legitimate right to ask questions. Just don't always ask all of them in class, don't ask all the time. Realize that most people must really hate school or have other places to be. Or they mistakenly think you are showing off or something negative.

It's a rough world. But the sooner you realize that others have a problem with you, the sooner you deal with that, the better. Although it is also true that you just can't please everyone.

Just chill a little. Continue not to gossip. Continue to be yourself, just less so, LOL. Good luck.

Oh, and I wouldn't be so quick to assume you will never see your soon-to-be former classmates. You never know. They could be your coworker or boss someday, or you theirs.