Funny things patients say !

Nurses Humor

Published

While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any pain. An x-ray revealed a femur facture and the orthopedist was called. It was quite a long wait and I heard the patient call out "nurse come in here". I went to her and she asked me to get her up into her wheelchair, I explained to her that her leg was broken and she needed to stay in bed. She replied very seriously "only one of them is broken I can still scoot around in my chair now get me up out of this bed!"

Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

Call me crazy, but I swear in the back of my brain is a vague memory that they DID make choc. MILK'O'MAG....:confused:

Specializes in Intermediate care.

We had a patient on our unit who had dementia and was from a LTC facility. she was the cutest little old lady. She would constantly push her call light, when anyone would answer we would ask what she needed and she would reply "what do you mean?"..."You have your call light on. Do you need something?"...."Oh, no dear. I didnt mean to do that"

Well when iasnwerd the light i started running through things she might need (Light was on maybe every 5 minutes). i asked "Do you need to use the bathroom?"..."Bathroom? what do you do with a bathroom?"...."Do you need to pee?"...."Oh no dear. I don't pee, i never have and i never will."...i walk out of the room and her call light instantly goes back on, i walk back in. she says "Maybe i do have to pee. I guess there is a first time for everything"

made me chuckle cause this lady is in her 80's and clearly its not her first time peeing.

Specializes in Intermediate care.

Had to give a tap water enema after the previous nurse did (so i was the 2nd one doing it). Apparently my water was warmer than the other nurse. The patients wife was there and i walk in the room and the patient says "This is the hot nurse i was telling you about." There is this long awkward pause and the patient goes "Oh jeez. you know what i mean!" It was the joke of the day :-D

"I been vomickin and doozin all day"

vomiting/diarrhea

Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

HEY Turd Ferguson, you need to go over to the thread where everyone is explaining how/ why they came to use the:lol2: on-line sign-in name; my enquiring mind wants to know!

Specializes in Intermediate care.

Just had one today that cracked me up! :-D

My patient was on clear liquid diet- advance as tolerated. So he tries orange jello and beef broth for his first round of food. i walk in the room to see how the "food" is staying down. I see him dipping orange jello in his cup of beef broth. I asked him what he was doing he stated "If you close your eyes and concentrate really hard it is kinda like dipping a really soft tender steak into some beef aju"

what an imagination... :)

Specializes in Oncology, Medical.

I was working a night shift and caring for an older man. His daughter was staying the night to ensure he was comfortable and to assist in his care, as well as to act as a translator (as the patient's primary language was not English).

One night, he was particularly restless and his daughter was getting a bit frustrated at constantly having to reposition him throughout the night. His room's call light went off so I went to answer.

Daughter: He's saying there's a pain in his ass.

Me: (repeating her words) A pain in the ass?

Daughter: Yes, he's a pain in the ass!

I hadn't realized what repeating her words would sound like, but we had a good laugh over it before setting to work to help reposition her father xD

Specializes in Intermediate care.

had a patient come in with various cardiac issues. (Med/surg tele unit) and hes states he takes his blood pressure at home and writes them down.

"Great!" i said "Do you have this with you?"

"No, i forgot it at home but i remember my most recent blood pressure"

"What was it?"

"121/119"

"121/119? are you sure?"

...everytime i kept getting diast. blood pressure in the 70s or 80s he would demand a "second opinion" on his blood pressure because he was dead set on his blood pressure being 121/119.

I still today have no idea what it really was, but clearly it wasnt that.

Ok, this one was me. I was have an operation a fews years back. Just before going in to the OR, I think he was a med student, was doing my final pre-op check. When he asked me what type of operation I was having I said sex change. His eyes went to the size of grape fruits and he started frantically going through my chart, when my mom and I burst out laughing he looked up and sighed. I still laugh thinking about the poor guy :lol2:.

" But I'll have to wear an ascot for the rest of my life!" After a brief moment of silence while everybody processed that image, we all broke out in howling laughter, screaming-hysterically until tears ran down our faces and our cheeks and stomachs protested by cramping.

Doesn't it feel good to laugh like that?

That's hilarious!

While I was passing meds a patient asked me if the doctor had prescribed that medication for him....um no sir, we had some extra from next door and we didnt want to waste it :D

Specializes in geriatrics, IV, Nurse management.

Thank goodness I found this thread tonight because I have the most perfect thing to add to it!

Pt: *calls nurses* "Hello there, are you there?"

CN: Yes? Good evening? How may I help you?

Pt: "Oh I'm just so constipated! Please bring me some eye drops!"

I've never laughed so hard after I got off the phone!!!:D The Patient was 100% with it cognitively too. :yeah:

+ Add a Comment