Should I take a leave of absence/withdraw/drop out?

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tl;dr - I've been saying I want to stick it out but I keep screwing things up and I just feel like I'm full of excuses and laziness and don't really think I'm cut out for nursing school, but I still feel like want to get a BSN and I'm just really lost and can't sort out a coherent forum post. sorry this is the least helpful tl;dr ever

So this semester I've been feeling increasingly more depressed and have been having more and more suicidal thoughts these past few weeks. My grades have been going downhill since starting university, and this semester especially I've been bombing a lot of tests and quizzes mostly because I just can't find the will to get off my ass and study. I don't know if its the depressed feelings that's causing the bad grades or the other way around. I finally just told my parents and started seeing a therapist and I'm just trying to keep it together for now... my parents want me to come home and either take time off or withdraw to figure out what's wrong with me and whether I should change my major and whatnot. I've been telling them I want to stick it out through nursing school and I feel like it would be a waste to quit, but in all honesty I have no idea what to do.

Last week I kind of freaked out and had to leave in the middle of class because I couldn't stop crying, and long story short one of the professors came and talked to me and I ended up going to our school's mental health services and have an appointment this week to get a psychiatric evaluation so I guess I'll see how that goes.

So back to screwing things up, I keep failing tests and forgetting assignments and this past week I completely forgot to take a quiz for my online class before it closed and I even forgot to do my clinical onboarding for my next rotation which is supposed to be due today. So at this point I'm starting to think I might have to leave, but at the same time I feel like I'm just lazy/dumb/worthless and making up excuses for not being able to do anything right. I've always been so proud to tell people that I'm in nursing school and I have a couple of close friends here at school that I don't want to leave if I drop out or whatever(I'm at school in the midwest and I'm from the west coast), but I'm starting to wonder if I really have a choice anymore.

Sorry for all the rambling! I hope I didn't waste anyone's time. I'm supposed to see my therapist and my academic adviser tomorrow so I guess I'll ask them what they think

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Your first priority should be your health and SAFETY. I PROMISE YOU that school can wait. Many of us did not follow a traditional path to our profession. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by making getting healthy the most important thing right now. Feeling the way you do, you are not in a position to really know what you want to do with the rest of your life right now.

Your parents are right. Go home where you have the support of people who love you more than anything in the world. Get professional help to help you sort out your feelings. You may or may not need medication, and it's okay if you do.

In the presence of suicidal thoughts, call a suicide hot line or go to your hospital's ER so they can help you to begin feeling better and to see that such a permanent solution to your problems is not necessary.

School will ALWAYS be there later. Right now YOU are the most important thing.

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As others had said, right now the most important thing that you can do it to get help. You can always see if you could take a leave of absence from your program. Even if you are not able to there are always other programs that you can apply for once you are ready to do so. It takes a strong person to realize they need help and to seek that help out. Moving back home do now would be good and would allow you to have a string support system around you at this time.

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Specializes in ER, progressive care.

You cannot take care of others without first taking care of yourself. Make taking care of yourself your top priority! Good luck.

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thanks everyone, I talked it over with my adviser and counselor and kind of agreed that taking some time off is probably for the best. I also have an appointment for a psych evaluation in two days so hopefully they'll know what might help

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Like others have said so well, take care of yourself first! Good for you for reaching out and seeking help in the first place, that's a big step accomplished. School will always be there, for now it's your health that requires your focus.

You can always talk to an academic advisor about a leave of absence for extenuating circumstances, sit down and talk through your options. In the meantime, lean on your parents for support. Take it easy on yourself. sending many ((((HUGS))))) your way.

Keep us updated!

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Specializes in ICU.

I'm glad you are getting help. This way you can preserve your Gpa as well. If say after a bit of time you want to come back to nursing, you will still have a shot because you won't have a trashed Gpa. You can't keep on track in school in a depressed state, nor should you expect yourself to. And when you are well and ready to start again, it won't be as difficult to take the path you want.

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Oh my heart did a tiny jump when I read suicidal. I'm glad for the choice you made. And it's not a failure or laziness at all. Give an update when you can?

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Good luck, sneezingpanda. I will be thinking of you and sending good vibes your way.

PLEASE take care.

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wow, thanks for all the support everyone. I'm currently in the process of withdrawing from all of my classes and getting ready to move out, I also just started on a medication. I'm just going to stay at home for a while, then go to community college and hopefully transfer into another nursing program. thanks again for all the comments and advice, you guys have all been so helpful

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Good luck, OP.

Check in later and give us an update.

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