Ugh- helicopter/tiger mom!

  1. I work in a 7th/8th building. I have a 7th grader who is diabetic, diagnosed 5 years ago.
    Her mother comes in every day at lunchtime to check her daughter's sugar and to personally administer the insulin, because she doesn't trust any of the school nurses (this has always been her arrangement).
    Yesterday, the first full day of school, she showed up 15 minutes early, was incredibly rude to me, and criticized how I had my office arranged. She then yelled at me and told me that I should have warned her that my other diabetic student was going to be coming in while she was there. (Keep in mind that it's lunchtime, my building has 450 kids, and I have lots of students who get lunchtime meds or have other needs at lunchtime). I explained to her that it isn't appropriate for me to discuss the schedules of other students, and that the health office will always be busy at lunchtime, so if she needs total privacy, that she can use a bathroom, or check in the main office to see if there's an empty room she can use.
    She said she wasn't upset about the other kids coming for medications, just about her daughter seeing the other diabetic student. It doesn't make sense to me, and I don't even really understand what she wants from me. Any input? Am I missing something? Before any other students came in, I told her that there would be other students coming, and that she could draw the curtain if she needed privacy. She seems to be really focused on the other diabetic kid, which seems weird to me.
    I can't deal with her every day for the next two years. I've been warned by teachers and other nurses about her craziness, but this is next-level!
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    About nmr79, BSN

    Joined: Jun '17; Posts: 162; Likes: 458

    37 Comments

  3. by   caliotter3
    We run into the same type in extended care home health, without the benefit of being exposed to somewhat normal people during the workday.
  4. by   MHDNURSE
    That sounds awful and I don't think I would be able to manage with that all year. She sounds like a total control-freak and I am wondering if something in the past is causing that, or if she has severe anxiety or something. What does Admin say about the situation? Would they consider a team meeting with the mother so everyone is on the same page? I had a similar issue with a grandmother and a new K student on aspiration precautions. She was very aggressive and her tone was very condescending at our meeting before school started and it really set me back. I can be overly sensitive as it is so I really had a hard time. She finally admitted that the day care where her granddaughter had been had not been adding the thick-it to her liquids and allowing her to eat and drink foods she was not supposed to have, so there was a huge trust issue. We finally hashed it all out and I explained that my job is to make sure she is safe during the school day and I will follow whatever protocol she needs me to follow. It took a while but we have a great relationship now. I am wondering if there is hope that this mother might come around with a similar meeting where the school assures her of your competence. Hopefully things improve. What a start to your year
  5. by   AdobeRN
    I would just ignore it and move on with your day. Just smile offer use of bathroom or privacy curtain. Parents like that you will not change and honestly if they feel you are rude to them in anyway they can make the daily visits hell - not worth the headache. I had one parent in the past similiar - she would show up everyday to eat lunch and admin med to her kid - usually rude to me, nosey with what was going on in the office and sometimes would call other kids parents if she saw them in my office. I finally had to pull the principal into the situation.

    If it is a habit of hers to show up early I would talk to front office and see if they can hold her until 5 minutes before lunch or at least until her own child shows up in your clinic - I would say it is a privacy issue - mom doesn't need to be sitting in your office for 15 minutes watching other kids come and go.
  6. by   kidzcare
    This sounds awful.

    Does this student have a 504 or IEP? I would definitely consider talking about getting this student to be more independent. I have never had a junior high kid not be independent with their disease management. Mom is doing this kid a disservice. She needs to be able to manage her own highs/lows and administer insulin herself. Some goals should be set to have her become more independent.
  7. by   AzElemNurse
    I have found that with more than one diabetic student, the students love knowing there is another (or are others) at their school with the same condition. They usually become fast friends and create bond no matter the age difference. I had a 1st and 8th grader that called each other brother and sister they became so tight. That is odd the mom is so concerned about the other diabetic being around.
  8. by   OldDude
    I think you hit on the solution, for the time being, to designate her a private space where she can wait for her daughter, do her thing, and leave without exposure to any other students who may be visiting your clinic at the same time. Hopefully, one day, she will disengage and allow her daughter to take care of herself or accept the school nurse to assist. Best of luck!! Keep us posted.
  9. by   AdobeRN
    Quote from AzElemNurse
    I have found that with more than one diabetic student, the students love knowing there is another (or are others) at their school with the same condition. They usually become fast friends and create bond no matter the age difference.
    I find that true also - I make it a point to introduce all of my diabetics to each other. My kiddos become fast friends and ask about each other if they don't see them in the halls during the day. Sometimes I have all 3 of them in my office at the same time - all of them compare notes of insulin doses, what they are eating what their BG numbers are for the day etc etc.
  10. by   nmr79
    Quote from MHDNURSE
    That sounds awful and I don't think I would be able to manage with that all year. She sounds like a total control-freak and I am wondering if something in the past is causing that, or if she has severe anxiety or something. What does Admin say about the situation? Would they consider a team meeting with the mother so everyone is on the same page? I had a similar issue with a grandmother and a new K student on aspiration precautions. She was very aggressive and her tone was very condescending at our meeting before school started and it really set me back. I can be overly sensitive as it is so I really had a hard time. She finally admitted that the day care where her granddaughter had been had not been adding the thick-it to her liquids and allowing her to eat and drink foods she was not supposed to have, so there was a huge trust issue. We finally hashed it all out and I explained that my job is to make sure she is safe during the school day and I will follow whatever protocol she needs me to follow. It took a while but we have a great relationship now. I am wondering if there is hope that this mother might come around with a similar meeting where the school assures her of your competence. Hopefully things improve. What a start to your year
    Unfortunately all of the 504 meeting minutes in her file reflect this pattern of hers. She isn't doing her daughter any favors by not teaching her to manage her own condition. Also, her A1C last month was 5.9, so she's been in good control.

    My administrators are very much "the parents are always right," which sucks, but I did speak with them yesterday to give my side of things, because I have a feeling this woman will complain a lot to them. I'm seriously considering applying for an opening at the elementary school in the district. Smaller school, same distance from home, and the administrators are supposed to be awesome.
  11. by   nmr79
    Quote from AdobeRN
    I would just ignore it and move on with your day. Just smile offer use of bathroom or privacy curtain. Parents like that you will not change and honestly if they feel you are rude to them in anyway they can make the daily visits hell - not worth the headache. I had one parent in the past similiar - she would show up everyday to eat lunch and admin med to her kid - usually rude to me, nosey with what was going on in the office and sometimes would call other kids parents if she saw them in my office. I finally had to pull the principal into the situation.

    If it is a habit of hers to show up early I would talk to front office and see if they can hold her until 5 minutes before lunch or at least until her own child shows up in your clinic - I would say it is a privacy issue - mom doesn't need to be sitting in your office for 15 minutes watching other kids come and go.
    I brought up the issue of her seeing other kids to administration- hopefully they will consider it! I'd be annoyed if some mom was always checking me out when I came in for my Adderall or whatever.
  12. by   nmr79
    Quote from AdobeRN
    I find that true also - I make it a point to introduce all of my diabetics to each other. My kiddos become fast friends and ask about each other if they don't see them in the halls during the day. Sometimes I have all 3 of them in my office at the same time - all of them compare notes of insulin doses, what they are eating what their BG numbers are for the day etc etc.
    See, that's what I'm used to! Last year, there was almost a camaraderie - when their numbers were off at the same time, they seemed to like having someone who "gets it" to vent to.
    This mom has serious issues. I would think she'd rather have her daughter know who the other students with the same diagnosis are. I honestly think she didn't want her daughter to see that other kids have the option of managing their insulin independently, because she obviously has her own insecurities about letting her child at least try to do it on her her own. Her daughter is not showing any signs of being incapable. I think this mom has issues that run deep and this is her channel for them.
  13. by   ABRN2012
    I had a similar issue about use of my office by parents. It wasnt a diabetic student but this parent used my office to deal with some health issues for her child from time to time. She criticized the lack of privacy and how things were set up. After about 2 times of this and knowing that she "did not want me to do anything to her child" I removed all his supplies out of my room and told admin that they needed to designate her a space. When she took the school nurse out of his care then she lost privilege of using the nurses office. I would talk to my admin about it. And truthfully its a privacy violation with her being in your office and seeing other kids come and go.
  14. by   MHDNURSE
    Quote from nmr79
    Unfortunately all of the 504 meeting minutes in her file reflect this pattern of hers. She isn't doing her daughter any favors by not teaching her to manage her own condition. Also, her A1C last month was 5.9, so she's been in good control.

    My administrators are very much "the parents are always right," which sucks, but I did speak with them yesterday to give my side of things, because I have a feeling this woman will complain a lot to them. I'm seriously considering applying for an opening at the elementary school in the district. Smaller school, same distance from home, and the administrators are supposed to be awesome.
    That other job sounds dreamy! I say go for it!!

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