I think it stems from this totally false idea we hold culturally, that if you do everything right as a parent, your kid will be perfect, or at least very well behaved. This causes parents to look for excuses instead of solutions.
Those of us that have more than 1 or 2 kids know that some kids are naturally obedient and some kids are born to be wild. What we need to look at, is our response to that. What response works in helping a child grow? The answer is not always clear. And what works for one kid won't necessarily work for another. Sometimes parents are mismatched in temperament or personality to their children, and those relationships will be strained.
It really does take a village. We need to let other people correct our children and hold them accountable. We need to trust each other on a basic level in order to do that. We need to not bash each other when things go wrong. It happens both ways. A kid acts up in school; the parents bash the faculty and the faculty bashes the parents. In any way we can, we need to aim for a spirit of working together for the child's well being.
And let's not be so quick to pathologise children's behavior. When I was a kid we sang this terrible version of "Deck the halls". It was rude and obnoxious and it went like this "Deck the halls with gasoline, falala-la-la, la-la, la-la. Light a match and don't be seen, falala, la-la, la-la, la-la. Watch the school burn into ashes, Falala, falala, lalala. Aren't you glad you play with matches..." People would roll their eyes or say "Stop that song." Now a kid would be sent to crisis for a psych eval and maybe charged with terroristic threats for this kind of thing. I work in child psych and I have seen this. When I was a kid, I remember making a hate list of people I wished were dead. These were kids who were mean to me and once in a while my sister or my mom would make the list for something that made me mad. No one ever saw it because I enjoyed privacy, but if they did, they would have just blown it off. I have had kids admitted to my unit for this very thing. Some of the frequent flyers are absolutely convinced that they are just messed up individuals because of this kind of overreaction. And it can be a kind of self fulfilling prophecy.