Retirement with a Grin

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recently i was checking my 401k account & thinking about retirement, as everyone does when they hit 45. i saw an article about nursing homes & the expenses. then it ht me. not nursing home for me! here is my plan: i'm checking into the holiday inn. with the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188 per day, there is a better way when we get old & feeble. i have already checked on reservations at the holiday inn. for a combined long-term stay discount & senior discount, it's $49.23 per night. that leaves $138.77 a day for breakfast, lunch, dinner in any restaurant i want, or room service. it also will leave enough for laundry, gratuities, & special tv movies. plus, i'll get a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, & washer & dryer. i'll also get free toothpaste, razors, shampoo and soap. and i'll be treated like a customer, not a patient. five dollars worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling. there is a city bus stop out front, & seniors ride free. the handicap bus will also pick me up if a fake a decent limp. ride the church bus free on sundays. for a change of scenery, take the air-port shuttle bus & eat at one of the nice restaurants there. while you're at the airport, fly somewhere. meanwhile, the cash keeps building up. it takes months to get into decent nursing homes. on the other hand, holiday inn, will take your reservation today. and you are not stuck in one place forever- you can move from inn to inn, or even from city to city. want to see hawaii? they have a holicay inn there , too. tv broken? light bulbs need changing? need a mattress replaced? no problem. they fix everything & apologize for the inconvenience. the inn has a night security person & daily room service. the maid checks if you are ok. if not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. if you fall & break a hip, medicare will pay for the hip, & holiday inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life. and no worries about visits from family. they will always be glad to visit you, and probably check in for a mini-vacation. the grandkids can use the pool. what more can you ask for? when i discussed my plan with friends, they came up with even more benefits that holiday inn provides retirees. most standard rooms have coffee makers, reclining chairs, & satellite tv- all you need to enjoy a cozy afternoon. after a movie & a good nap, you can check on your children (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to the lounge or restarurant where you meet new & exotic people everyday. many holiday inns even feature live entertainment on the weekends. often they have special offers, too, like the kids eat free program. you can invite your grandkids over after school to have a free dinner with you. just tell them not to bring more than 3 friends. pick a holiday inn where they allow pets, & your best friend can keep you company as well. if you want to travel, but are a bit skittish about unfamiliar surroundings, you'll always feel at home because wherever you go, the rooms all look the same. and if you're getting a little absent-minded in your old days, you never have to worry about not finding your room- your electronic key fits only one door & the helpful bellman or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.

being a natural skeptic i called a holiday inn to check out the feasibility of my plan. i'm happy to report that they were positively giddy @ the idea of me checking in for a year or more. they even offered to negotiate the rate. i could have easily knocked them down to $40.00 a night!

"so, when i reach the golden age i'll face it with a grin. just forward all of your emails to the holiday inn!":p :rolleyes: :)

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That is one of the funniest things that I have heard in a while. I can't wait to send it to everyone I know. I have a long way to go until retirement, but I will keep this plan in mind. Thanks for making me smile! :)

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Specializes in Cardiac, med/surg, ICU, telemetry.

I'm with you. Your very inventive, clever and funny, thanks

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what a fantastic idea! :roll: the only thing i would want is to be sure i have a laptop and isp with a lot of access numbers to accomodate the moving about.

one hotel i know of has a patron who books a room (always the same one) for 6 weeks a year...he's done it for years and the hotel is more than happy to accomodate him.

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Now that's what I call a terrific idea!!

Speaking of being 45.......I've recently started getting mail advertising long-term care insurance and funeral plans. I just looooove being reminded that I'm getting old and decrepit :o

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