Recent Grad making mistakes

[LPNgrad4/11]

SO I graduated from school in feb, took and passes nclex in march, april was orientation and am working 40+ hours at a LTC/rehab.... I deal with mostly LTC since they prefer RNs deal with rehab, which is fine... (Im in CT BTW). The facility has had issues in the past and over-correct all of them... The aides are only allowed to put on A&D ointment, thats IF the put it on- Ive left some in ppls rooms and were never used. So the TX are a bunch of creams. I understand remedy being a nurse thing, since we have to do the diabetic observation as well.... But sarna, aquaphor? really? To top it off... I found out that 4 yrs ago they had a NEW lpn grad do an assessment on an admission... at the time graded an unstageable as a stage II.... well, when it debrided it was a 4... huge fine for them, and ever since then, LPNs could not do a skin assessment. so I almost feel more incompentent than I am... I just get so nervous that im not getting the "technical" stuff right away- I give good care, families love me, patients love me- I make sure i see everyone inbetween med passes/txs. Few things Im terrified of: I forgot to call the MD on a patient who for the past 2 days hasnt been taking meds; just to say still not taking meds- told the family though. a real DUH moment. I feel like crap- like I should have known better... mind you i have 24 patients, 1/2 are fall risk 1/4 are elopement risk 3/4 dementia. I have one patient that is a+0x3 with no confusion, but is total care r/t stroke. I feel like a glorified pill popper and secretary. I answer the phone while on med pass (we have portables) and families calling for room numbers etc which I have to go to the desk to get the information. Not allowed to put creams on the side of the med cart for 2nd med pass, so have to do a "seperate" tx round. My charting is getting better, and I love the fact that families feel like Ill do something for their loved ones, but why did a family member tell me her mother had a seizure on my day off but there was no charting to solicit any of this? Pt is hospice so I told the supervisor who said to pass it on as fam "thinks" family member had seizure... Sometimes I really think they hold off on days to talk to me 3-11 which sucks because I dont have the capacity to do everything they want. I dont know what exactly what make me lose my license short of med error that lead to complications etc. I am just afraid that I am messing up big time and go home crying almost everytime I leave work. I have to be out by 1130 or there is a write up (the whole facility is like this) by the time I finish meds/txs/tubes sometimes its 10- then I have to start charting. I think, I have plenty of time.... NN, I&O, vitals and monthly notes... documentation I know is key, but im starting to feel like I shouldnt be a nurse because it feels like I just wont ever get it. Im terrified every time I go in thinking what am I gonna mess up today and will it be a significant screw up. I am grateful to have a job, only 8 have jobs so far since most do not want new grads... Where do I go from here??? I will be looking at my RN.... but I need the chem w/lab, A&Ps before I can "enroll" and since I went to a private LPN school, loans are at $400/mth to repay so I have to pay for the classes out of pocket since it wont be full time... what are my options?? Is this normal? what can make me lose my license? So scared that everything I worked for will go up in smoke....