I believe your answer is extremely clear. You've been misreble for 12 years, why would you dig your whole deeper by becoming an RN? If this was recent burn out, I would agree with the other posters about finding a different niche of nursing that would better suit you, but I think you've gotten all there is to get out of your old profession. The scars are too deep. You need a fresh start in life at this point. You deserve to be happy, and your current path just isn't providing you that. My biggest piece of advice for you, though, is to see a counselor! Many people have suggested in already for your traumatic experience, but beyond that, they are WONDERFUL people for helping you take control of your life and find your true self. I've always seen myself as a very happy and stable person, but when life circumstances allowed me the opportunity to see a counselor, I realized that broken people don't need counselors, we ALL DO. I found immense value in it, and I hope you will as well!