You know, you're right about giving her water - and pneumonia being a friend. I hadn't thought about it like that :) I just hope that she doesn't actually try to take her home that would be bad. I don't think there's any way she will be able to care for her and not injure herself in the process. I guess I need to just stop worrying and let it be what it will be. I just wish I had a magic wand, and for a minute, let my husband and his mother see some of the things I've seen - with family members making decisions to prolong life and end up causing the patient to be clinically alive for a longer period of time. Meaning they die MUCH slower. Seems like it's not about the patient anymore it's more about keeping her alive for the family and not because it's best for her. I worked oncology for a long time before becoming a school nurse and I've seen some of the most beautiful deaths, and I've seen some on the other end. I will absolutely have PLENTY of paperwork about exactly what I want when I can't speak for myself.
I am trying to just be "grand daughter" :) but it is difficult when the nurse inside me is screaming out! hehe I think I will take the advice of just being supportive instead of trying to advise anymore. I tried to explain that death would be better than bedsores and holes poked in her skin, and it fell on deaf ears.
I think if they ask me anything else, then I'm just going to have to tell them that they need to talk to the people you all suggested (hospice nurses, LTC nurses, doctors etc etc)
Thanks again so much! I always think it's a good idea to get a different perspective on things like this.