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  1. Thank you so much for all your replies. I want you to know all of you helped me a lot, you have no idea how relief I felt that I was not the only one who was having this emotion. I take all your advices and going to work tonight. I feel like I have you behind of me when I'm working tonight (just like Verizon's CM). Thank you, thank you, thank you again. Big hugs to each one of you.
  2. thank you very much, Ivanna, for your kind advice. I really wish I could breath easily soon.
  3. Hi, I'm a new nurse who left my first job in ICU after agonizing 6months. I got a job in Med/Surg 5months later. Although I graduated from nursing school over 1yr ago, I only have 8 months nursing experience. I'm experiencing anxiety everytime when I think of work. It usually start the night before (I work night shifts) and escalate just before leaving to work. My heart starts palpate and I become tearfull. I'm a single mom so I leave my child w/ my friend. Everynight when I'm leaving to work, I feel so sad to take him to my friend's house. Although my supervisor tells me she heard some good things about me, I still feel so inadequate and make mistakes. I get stressed out if I can't finish all the task within the first 2-3hrs before pts go to sleep. I start taking antidepressant 2wks ago and see counseling every 2wks. I have no interest to anything anymore, I isolate myself more and more. I feel like falling apart. I like my patients and have good relationship with them, but I feel inadequate comes to skills, paperworks, and some physicians orders. Help me... I don't want to feel so sad and fearful about my job.
  4. I'm so discouraged to get a job in here southern california. I had a job in ICU right after the graduation in Dec. 2008. It wasn't my first choice to be an ICU RN, in fact, it was my least favorite area during nursing school. I know... I made a mistake, I took the job because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to get a job as a new grad. It was a big mistake. I worked very hard, I used 150% of my effort, energy, and emotion to survive. After 6 months, my manager and myself, both realized that this was not a match for me and I resigned myself. Now, I'm having a very difficult time to find a job. All places require at least 1 yr experience in acute care. I've sent numerous applications and resume since August. I only had 2 interviews so far. I am doubting myself now, if I ever be able to have a job as a RN. I wish I could expand job search area but I'm a single mom and own a house in here. It is not easy to relocate now. Don't know what to do... I love to be a nurse. I know I can be a good nurse. I'm getting a certificate for EKG reading this week. I wish someone could give me a second chance. I really appreciate if anyone can gives me an advice what to do.
  5. Thank you very much for your great advice. My hospital is a small hospital and my manager also manages Med/Surg unit, too. Unfortunately, she explained at the meeting that there was no opening at this time in the unit. I will take your advice to resign myself and look for a new opportunity.
  6. I was a new grad and hired in ICU 6 months ago. I went through the orientation and now I was given the options to resign or be terminated if I can't work independently in next 2 weeks. She said she wasn't very hopeful that I could prove it to her. I used 200% of my effort for this job and did best I could do in my ability, I really don't know what else I can do. I am a hard worker and my manager admits it, too. Obviously, I was not good enough. I feel being a failire and have been very exhausted after using all my emotional energy last 6 months. Working in ICU wasn't my first choice during my nursing school and I accepted the job because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to get a job at that time and the experience would be a great asset for my future. Although I knew it would be a big challenge for me and wasn't my dream job, I worked very hard and kept pushing myself "I think I can, I think I can..." Who was I kidding...? I have been depressed last 2-3 months. My day offs were for studying critical nursing and mending the broken pieces of my confidence, no social life. I'm going back to work next Tuesday but I'm so afraid and nervous. I used up all my positive thinking right now. I didn't harm patients during my orientation but I don't have strong confidence anymore after the meeting I had w/ my manager. I am more toward to resign myself after next week assignments. Any advice for me going through my last week assignments?
  7. I am an ICU new grad nurse who works day shift, just finished my orientation last week and start working on my own tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'm ready to fly on my own. My preceptor didn't assure me that I was ready but she said "Let's try, see how it goes..." I didn't start working full-time @ unit until mid-April because I was assigned to take "Critical Care Class" 2days/wk. So during the first 3months after I was hired, I only worked 1day/wk. I try to see that I'm getting better each week even thought it seems to me a very small baby step at a time. I used to compair myself w/ an another new grad nurse who works during night shift. It seems to me that she is doing much better than I am. This forum helps me a lot to know I'm not the only one who is strugging to go through right now. I still feel very stupid time to time, especially when I talk w/ drs and taking orders. How come they have to speak so fast or write lines in order which supporse to be English writing. When I think about work, I can feel my heart starts beating faster and heavy feeling in my stomach. 2days ago @ work, I wanted to drop everything and run to home. I try to think positive and use day offs to mend my broken confidence. Last week, I thought I hit the bottom point, I called Suicide hot line when I got home. (I was not trying to kill myself but I was severely depressed and thinking about dying a lot) . I feel a little better today but I'm still very nervous about tomorrow. I want to quit but I had to sign the contract w/ the hospital when I was hired and I have to pay $20,000 if I quit before 2yrs anniversary. My friends say I'm too hard on myself but I don't feel that way. Any advice?