Oh, sweetie! So sorry you're having this difficult time adjusting to gore and bloody wounds and such! I thought I had the rock of Gebralta insofar as having such a strong stomach where all this is concerned. Until, my student nursing rotation thru the OR. All the cases were going fine for me until I watched 'em scrub/prep the site for a vag hyst. I thought I was going to maybe have to step out for a few minutes of fresh air but was determined not to have to. So, I just used guided imagery, distracted myself, took slow, deep breaths, even through the mask I had on, it helped. I was ok but ouch! it looked like it was going to be sooo sore by the time that poor lady woke up in recovery from the prep itself! The nurse was, I mean, scrubbig the heck outta her vagina! I know they have to get it sterile, or as sterile as possible, but OUCH! I guess I "identified" too much just by being a woman and thinking, those bits are tender pieces of flesh!
I, too, have had moments, as all nurses have with feeling squeamish. And don't let others tell you that they haven't. They're probably either suppressing those memories or fudging! Some folks may never have any of the willies from blood, guts, or gore that are in nursing or medicine in general. But I'm willing to just about bet the farm that's not the case, if the truth be known! :wink2:
So, perhaps you might need therapy, counseling, and/or an anti-anxiety agent, or perhaps not. Only you and your doc can know for sure if that's what it takes. Then that's ok, too. You're not a baby, you're just inexperienced and have had one bad time with fainting. Some of the rooms are too hot some are too cold, our bladders are usually full to bursting, our stomachs are oh, too empty from hours and hours of running full steam ahead up and down halls or being stressed to the max with alarms, lights, overhead pages, other staff and family members/visitors conversations, the beeps, tweeps, and alarm bells of multiple machines wheezing in and out and monitoring equipment AND we are supposed to concentrate on the job at hand! Whew! It's enough to make the bravest sink under the floor for lack of a better phrase on most days!
Hang in there. Yes, with more exposure you CAN and WILL make it thru this awakening of the senses, so to speak of the world of nursing and medicine. You, too, can do it. Ask around. Other nurses you know may be willing to share a few horror stories of what makes them gag! You never know. You might be surprised.
We all have tales of what we've survived to tell...not quite "fish stories" or fisherman tales, but close!
Have faith in yourself, don't let it beat you. It's just anxiety, fear of the unknown, keeping you from fulfilling a dream. And excelling at a great career. We need good nurses in the trenches fighting the good fight!