All these monitoring programs feel like rabbit hole to me. It’s impossible to get a break. Even when you are extra cautious, compliant it’s like walking on egg shells every single second.
Fear of slightest mistake or any error is punishable over and over again. No chance to prove your innocence even with evidence based researches and documented articles. It’s like I am living in a twilight zone.
Besides, financial stress of not being a licensed clinician has anyone thought of quitting for good? Personally mental, emotional and physical stress is clamping me down more then any financial stress. And, I have been out of work since 9 months now due to repeating 90/90 for couple missed checking. Finally, after 9 months and one year of sobriety BON was in process of activating my license when my Pteh came positive for alcohol at 35ng/ml. My Pteh a week before this is negative. Urine abnormal day before the positive PTeh. ETG/ETS negative in urine. Due, to Covid I did increase my hand washing with hand sanitizer substantially.
No amount of debate, research was accepted for “incidental exposure.” So, back in 90/90, no work and therapy.
My stress level has reached its maximum capacity. I rather just sell everything and go live in woods with peace and serenity. This is not a recovery program. It feels like I was more normal and stable before entering this program. I just don’t know what to do. Throwing in the towel is something I am considering :(((