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  1. Hi everyone, well for the update it's not looking so good, while I have been on disability for a long time now, part of my treatment consisted of quite a few ECT treatments.. If I were to do it again...NO way, I have lost memory and cognition. I have decided even though I was able to convince the brn I was capable, I and my docs, feel I would be jeopardizing patients well being if I went back. This and I don;t think I can even hang with it. I have learned life can be fine "going without" some things....I am very grateful to have experienced what I have, and I now know I am a survivor. I am very sad to know that I will not return to nursing, but I have hope .. Hope that people will quit saying I "used to be a Nurse" because I know in my heart I will always be a nurse. I am looking into a few thimgs however if I don;t take things one day at a time, I will become overwhelmed and risk a chance of failure and relapse.... 1
  2. yup i know.Luckily I have an excellent team of Drs and I was able tp get approved for SSDI the first time. The sad thing is that at my reinstatement hearing I was honest....Too honest I guess telling them that I had bipolar and a dual diagnosis made it even harder. Ye now I gotta prove I am not crazy due to the ignorance of people to mental health issues. It is bad enough as it is to have to grovel and beg for my license back. I never did anything to harm any patients, never diverted anything... In fact my supervisor was completely shocked when I told him I needed to leave and go to rehab. They even wrote a letter to the BRN stating I never showed signs of any impairment etc... But they dont want to customize the requirements based on each individual situation. It sucks and its making me more and more not want to do it at all. I am not some sort of idiot. I don;t want to have all my dignity taken away from me. I deserve better. they are really making this too hard.
  3. I am ok doing UBER for now but the pay is lousy and a lot of wear and tear on my car. Not to mention commuting because I have to drive an hour to San Jose to make it worth my time. I have called the state voc rehab because I have thought about doing phlebotomy. I can't even challenge the exam even though I have been doing blood draws and Iv's for over 25 years. And I am good at it I don't get why they make this so difficult. All these things that seem to be against us. They are making it harder instead for me to do anything. I can't even get a job at a restaurant. I have applied at some places that require no license of any type. Now they tell me I am " over qualified" I didn't think my life would turn out like this I am 52, intelligent, experienced and can't find a job to save my life. I just wanna scream.
  4. Thanks for the advise to all of you.....I really started putting pressure on myself after I got the decision ...However you guys are right..It's not too cool to have to do all the time, spend all the money and work for three years someplace I don't like and having to be "monitored" is what I call a raw deal. I was thinking on the terms of what everyone (especially my family) wants me to do... I have always been kinda the "black sheep" but I realize now that I don't want to be in this position anymore. I wish I never even made the attempt....But I realize now I don't have to hurry. I am working part time doing UBER while on ssdi, just to help pay the bills. And I am content with that right now.....
  5. Hi I am Kat. Back in 2009 I voluntarily surrendered my license after going to rehab, and being diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADHD in 2006. I also had a legal issue involving substance abuse. 11 years later, clean and sober the whole time and having the mental issues under control I applied for a hearing to get my license reinstated here in CA. After being on the waiting list for almost a year they finally put me on the schedule. The hearing was very intense however, I was able to convince the panel (12) that I was capable to return to nursing.. However with the decision and order were many conditions including retaking the boards, taking a nurse refresher coarse and then being under "probation" for 35 months. At 52 and after being on SSDI for the last 12 years I don't have the money for one, and for two I don't know if I want to be tied down to the boards "conditions" for at least 3 years. I was more thinking of working part time doing telephone nursing or something non stressful. But to get my license I have to work in the hospital for 3 years, been there, done that...Anybody else have this issue or any advise please?
  6. Yes I did. In California in November. I had surrendered my license voluntarily after having issues with positive drug testing and another accusation filed against my license as well as being bipolar and a few other things in the mix. I was one of 8 cases that day, 2 of them had attorneys. to me the attorneys were a waste of time and money. The panel ended up asking a lot of questions to the nurse themselves any ways, and it doesn't work like a regular court where the attorney can say " don't answer that question" They are there to find out if you are doing the things you need to do to practice nursing safely so they can re-instate your license. YOU are the one responsible to convince them of this and no Lawyer can communicate that to the people on the board. They want to hear your voice, listen to YOU..... PS I listened to 5 people before me took notes and made sure I was prepared for the questions they asked me. I was also prepared not to say certain things too..... AND I got the decision and order that was a YES! No attorney no money wasted....the only thing is they are having me jump through so many hoops I am considering changing careers... Best wishes
  7. 5150RNKAT

    Throwing in the towel, and feeling liberated

    I say I think you should go with what your heart is telling you. I am in a similar situation. I worked my butt off to put myself through Nursing School almost 20 years ago as a single mother, and after working full time as an ER/trauma nurse found myself addicted to opiates because my body was in so much discomfort from working 12 hour night/overtime shifts in understaffed departments with minimal help lifting patients and pushing my body beyond what it could take. So I voluntarily surrendered my license and went to rehab. I thought this was the right thing to do but was it? When I decided to try to get my license reinstated I have been made to feel like a low life horrible criminal and am having to jump through hoop after hoop. Now since I have been diagnosed with bipolar and and a few other things i too have decided this isn't really worth all of the stress and pressure, I have been on SSDI for 8 years now, and have been comfortable. I feel life is more than just the luxuries of things that money can buy, my sanity is a much more important luxury, and the RN license is not going to keep me sane. I am not going to chase it I too am "throwing in the towel" I believe the instinct is what you should follow and don't let anyone tell you that it makes you any less of a beautiful person! Best wishes.....