Hi everyone, I'm looking for a bit of advice and I want to vent. I've been married for 12 yrs now and have 4 awesome kids. This August I should have been enrolled in the Aug. 2012 nursing program. However I put off nursing school because me and my husband have not been on good terms.
I refused to enroll in Nursing School with drama. Here is my background. 2001-2007 I worked as a PCA with no desire to become an RN. In 2007 I decided to become a daycare owner which I did however when the economy went belly up so did my business.
Depressed and upset I pondered what am I going to do. Nursing was far from my mind. Mind you I don't hate it at all. Eventually I decided to start my preq's. My oldest just started high school and I need to help my husband provide for our family and prepare for college for her and the other children.
My husband claims that I am a "quitter"/Failure' because he claims I don't complete what I start. I am so offended by his statement. By the way, he is referring to not keeping the daycare and finishing my Early Childhood Education degree and changing careers.
I will complete my Early Childhood degree once I finish the math course this semester, however I'm not registering to graduate. So in order to pursue Nursing I had to start over because none of Early Childhood Education credits went toward nursing.
Over the yrs I didn't notice how mentally and emotionally abusive my husband has been. He doesn't curse but he says things that make me feel uncomfortable with the things he says. He makes me second guess myself a lot. For example if 1+1=2 he would some how make feel that I'm wrong and the answer is 3. (I know right)
He is also the bread winner in the family and he always made me feel less than he was because he made X amount of dollars. I have ask for money and he questions me about what I did with it. On top of that now I'm a SAHM and I have NO money and I just want to leave him because I'm tired of the non-communication, his attitude, the disrespect that I endured for years, I'm just fed up.
For the pass year I've been trying to work on our marriage but to know avail it is working. I've done counseling before but it doesn't work if I'm the only one there. He said I was the one that was crazy and needed the help. He doesn't realize how I am slipping away. I know it's best for me to Divorce him I can't keep putting school off to fix this marriage.
My question is how am I going to do this? School. Working, Kids?
I'm trying to return to my former employer to work as a PCA for now. I have a plan set up on how much money I need, to apply for loans, to get assistance food stamps, and of course child support. I pray that if I can get all this I can work per diem so when I need a Nursing position I will already be employed by them.
Any divorce ladies out there or in the process of being divorce how are coping with school, work and kids? What help or support did you get or receive? Your responses is greatly appreciate.
Last edit by Joe V on Aug 28, '12
: Reason: spacing
Aug 28, '12
I don't have great advice for you, but want you to know I'm in a similar situation (misery loves company, right?) I have also ran a daycare for the past 6 years. I have a degree, but didn't want to go back into that field, and really wanted to pursue nursing. I am in the middle of pre-reqs now.
I am also contemplating a divorce, but would have to give up nursing school (I'm already accepted contingent upon passing pre-reqs). My husband is supportive, although I'd say indifferent is more accurate. He is the major earner as I am only bringing in a couple hundred a week doing after school care and when nursing school starts, wasn't planning on working at all.
Divorce is a really tough decision esp with children involved. Nursing school is a really tough decision esp the financial aspect. It sounds like you've put some thought into a plan already. I would also advise seeing a lawyer to find out how much child and/or spousal support you could expect. Also to find out how property is divided - who would get the house (if you own)?
I don't understand why you are finished with all of your Early childhood ed classes but do not want to graduate? Does that mean you will have your degree in that? Could you find work in that area and then take classes nights and/or weekends? If so, do you have any family to watch the kids?
Like I said, no great advice - sorry! But just throwing some thoughts out there. Hugs!
Aug 28, '12
Thanks for replying, to answer your question I do want to graduate with my Early Childhood Degree, but choose not to because it would hard fir me to get loans. My major of course has been changed however I want to make sure that I can continue to get loans without any problems that's all. Today i spoke to a young lady I know who graduated from the same program I'm going to enter & she gave me done good advice on school & balancing life. Im being to feel better.
Sep 10, '12
I have been there and done some of this! I was a home daycare operator for 6 years. My marriage has been rocky and I have 5 children. I left for a little while this spring. However, I chose to come back and work on my marriage and finish nursing school. I am in my first year, first semester of an ADN program. I am not working outside the home so that I can concentrate on school and family. My husband sounds quite a bit like yours, unfortunately, but I have learned that he is not going to change and nothing I say will change him, so I pick my battles with him and I assert myself at all costs to stand up for the truth when it is something important. If it is something trivial, I just walk away. It is not fun. I am pretty sure he probably has NPD or something, but this is due to some very sad childhood trauma. He is a great provider for his family and although there is much more to being a father than that, it is what we have. I have learned to accept that people cannot give what they don't have. Frankly, some people are just doing the best that they can. I was really sad and angry for many years about my situation, but I am learning to laugh and be happy despite my less than ideal situation. There were many "shoulds" in my head about the way things should be and I have learned to let go of them.
Not sure that if I get through this I wouldn't leave eventually, but that is not my plan at this point. My husband and children are all I have. Leaving would have been easier if I had another support system, but I don't.
Best of Luck!
Sep 10, '12
Nursing school is not easy for anyone, we all have our sacrifices. I have made it tooth and nail to this point and have six months to go! I am not divorcing but I am putting 3 kids through college right now, one of which is in my nursing cohort with me. I am also raising two grandkids. We have lost our home and we are now living in a duplex. My point is, when you want something bad enough, you just go out and get it and don't allow anything to get in the way. I always tell everyone (as I apologize for my duplex in the ghetto) we are taking one step back so we can take two steps forward. Always remember that the only limitations you have are the ones you put on yourself and the ones you allow others to put on you. You can do this if you want it bad enough!
Sep 10, '12
I'm in the same boat. My husband belittles me and rolls his eyes at me. I can't do anything right. I have a 16 year old and graduate in December. We are a 1 income since I can't work that much because of school. I can't afford to live on my own and with my debt, I would go bankrupt. I'm biding my time. The plan:
Get a job as an RN.
Pay off all the debts, including the mortgage. That way, there's no financial strings between us.
Get my son to 18. (As agreed, he doesn't need a divorce just as he's trying to finish school.)
Leave with no debt, start over.
Sep 10, '12
I like most others have been through the same thing. I was married 7 yrs and on my 3rd quarter in prenursing. I am now 2 quarters out from graduation and have a 6yr old and a 8yr old. I do it as a single mom and very little help from family mainly my friends to get this done. It is not an easy road for sure. If I learned anything it was that going to school and trying to get your life in order is the hardest. I tried to function at a normal level and I wasn't ready my grades dropped and it hurt me in the GPA I have been divorced for a year now and am doing much better as we all have adapted to life. I work 2 jobs to make it and both jobs have been very helpful. I work medical in both and am able to do work on school work when we are not busy so I am able to be a mom when I get to be home. I try and get all school work done while kids are in school and when they are try to spend that time with them. Its hard but worth it. GOOD LUCK!!!
Sep 10, '12
If it were me, I'd do something similar to the PP. Finish NS, secure a job, save up some money in a separate account, then let things fall where they may. It may work itself out and it may not. You need to take care of you and then worry about him.
Good luck and I wish you the best!
Sep 20, '12
Sep 20, '12
Hi! My marriage has been severly struggling throughout my past 2 and half years of nursing school. It sucks, its so very hard. I have been having a very hard time. I'm extreemely close to graduating and about to call it in. I don't know how to take the focus of your family falling apart and still have enough time and focus for school. Any advice I'ld love to hear myself
Jul 23, '17
Going through my old posts and saw this one. Well I must say things got way worse, but now it's so much better. I'm shocked.
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