Hi. I am feeling overwhelmed to say the least. I'm working 24 hours per week as an RN, I'm going to school full time and have soooooooooo much homework every minute of the day and night, and I am the only one who is paying any of our bills, including the mortgage. We just bought a new house (our first house I mean) a few months ago, which I didn't even think we could afford, but my husband said he really thinks we should because we are wasting money living in an apt. I kept saying for a while, I don't know, I don't think we can afford it, but then we sat down and said, ok, this is how much I bring home per month with my RN job (me) and this is how much you bring home with your tennis teaching job (him). Then we realized we could do it. So we bought our house. Then I got accepted to grad school at the same time, and started classes last month. I think I was so caught up in everything that I never even realized until recently that somehow since we had that talk, Dan decided on his own that he didn't want to teach tennis anymore. He was just going to focus on his real estate job that he has been doing for a couple of years. Did I mention that he's made NEXT TO NOTHING in this real estate job, despite changing companies several times, getting a mentor, going to classes, etc....?!?!?! Plus he has NO BENEFITS at all with this real estate job. Which means I am now paying (and I am barely doing it with 24 hours per week) ALL OF OUR BILLS. Plus, I can't even cut back to per diem and work fewer hours to focus more on school (which is what I wish I could do, but know I cannot) because not only is he not making any money, but I have to keep 24 hours per week because I carry the medical and dental for both me and him. I could take the school's health insurance plan (if by some miracle I could go per diem) but I really couldn't do that because he has diabetes and wears an insulin pump and my school's skimpy health insurance plan would be fine for me, but horrible for him and WHAT HE NEEDS. Do you see where I am going with this? I feel like I am in this all by myself with no support from him. So I told him how I felt, and that we agreed we would both work our respective jobs (RN, tennis teacher) so we could pay the bills. I told him that was what we promised each other as husband and wife. I said how I WISHED I didn't have to work as an RN 24 hours a week, because going to grad school full time and studying on top of that is really killing me...not to mention what he is doing or not doing to me and us. I said why then is it fair for him to quit the one job of this that he making money on a regular basis, and forcing me to tak e on everything...and I can just barely do it...money-wise and sanity-wise. It is not fair. Then he says to me "Well, I'm going to make money in real estate. I have listings now. It'll happen soon." But it's not!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It really isn't!!!!! I told him he wasn't being realistic and that "maybe soon" does not in fact pay any of our bills right now!!!!! I said he needs to teach X amount of hours per week of tennis, which is what we agreed on anyways, and he said no, he didn't want to and why should he?!!?!?!! I told him I was miserable because I am sooooo stressed out and cannot possibly do everything myself (most of the time I have to hold his hands to get him to clean/take care of the house) and that I am crying all the time, and just not happy. He said he was sorry I was feeling that way. not in a nice way, he was and still is giving me so much attitude. And he is not being fair AT ALL. Then he said fine, I'll teach tennis,m but not because I want to, only because YOU told me to.!!!!! How do I deserve this kind of talk/attutude after all my sacraficing and putting his needs before my own for so long?!?!! So I went and saw a counselor at school, felt a tiny bit better, but still have this huge problem with him. I told him we need to see a marriage counselor, he said he would go, but honestly, I am so mad and angry and bitter and resentful of him right now, I cannot even stand him. Please tell me what you think. Is this a common problem? Has it happened to any of you? We've been married for only 2 years but I feel like it's not worth it if I am the only one who is compromising, and he can't even do something basic and simple and I am so mad and upset right now!!!!
Sep 22, '06
Quote from Skittlez
I got angry with you. It doesn't matter than you are doing something YOU don't want to do also (work 24 hours when you should be working per diem while in graduate school but because he wanted a house you have to work). Then he needs to do something HE doesn't want to do TOO! Don't even for one second be mad that he stated "i'm going to work the tennis job, but only because YOU wanted me too.." Be fine with that and think to yourself or be bold enough to tell him, "Great, and I
will continue to work 24 hours and go to grad school not because YOU
want me to or I
want to but because I HAVE TO TO PAY FOR THIS HOUSE
". I'm sorry.. let me calm down. Can you tell other married couples have the same issues?
Skittlez: do you mean you got angry at me because you think I should've stood up for myself? Cuz I honestly am. I really do stand up for myself. Unfortunately, this is all really, really getting to me and it's making me somewhat depressed and I'm crying all the time now because it's getting to me. It sounds like you can relate to my situation? I forgot to add something that happened last night. He said he was thinking about it and realized he was being defensive about his job and that he did know I was paying for everything and that he needs to be teaching tennis some of the time so he can pay for our bills too. But I am not going to be so quick to say that everything is all fine and rosy, I'm going to see if he really means it and see what he actually does now. So far he did teach a couple hours yesterday and he said he is working on getting more hours. So I will have to wait and see if he really means it. Again, he says he sees that he was wrong, but he has said this before about other things, and then when everything calms down, he goes back to how he was before. But I will give him a chance to prove me wrong. He really is a good guy but he was pretty much spoiled growing up and did not have to do a thing around his house...and he lived with his parents until we were married and never paid any of the bills then. So he had better change now, because i am really running out of patience and chances. And I am happy to be in our house now. I really do love it and want to keep it. I just think he and I should both be working to pay it, and he needed to snap out of his bubble and see that real estate is not something he can depend on to pay bills. His lack of reality was making me see him as a child and not even a real man. Thank you for letting me vent. I hope this works out, but I have to say that I am still feeling angry and resentful that he would even put me in this situation in the first place.
Last edit by christvs on Sep 22, '06
: Reason: forgot to add something