Feeling no support from my husband at all... - page 4
Hi. I am feeling overwhelmed to say the least. I'm working 24 hours per week as an RN, I'm going to school full time and have soooooooooo much homework every minute of the day and night, and I am the... Read More
Oct 19, '06Quote from christvsHow could he not know you are paying all of the bills? Did he think the bill fairy was flying the bank at night and depositing money in your account? I'm sorry, but I would have no patience with his behavior at all (probably owing to my lack of patience in general, but in this case, it would be warranted). I don't really have any advice, since it doesn't seem like you're ready to tell him to get a job or get his butt out of YOUR house, but I do wish you well.Skittlez: do you mean you got angry at me because you think I should've stood up for myself? Cuz I honestly am. I really do stand up for myself. Unfortunately, this is all really, really getting to me and it's making me somewhat depressed and I'm crying all the time now because it's getting to me. It sounds like you can relate to my situation? I forgot to add something that happened last night. He said he was thinking about it and realized he was being defensive about his job and that he did know I was paying for everything and that he needs to be teaching tennis some of the time so he can pay for our bills too. But I am not going to be so quick to say that everything is all fine and rosy, I'm going to see if he really means it and see what he actually does now. So far he did teach a couple hours yesterday and he said he is working on getting more hours. So I will have to wait and see if he really means it. Again, he says he sees that he was wrong, but he has said this before about other things, and then when everything calms down, he goes back to how he was before. But I will give him a chance to prove me wrong. He really is a good guy but he was pretty much spoiled growing up and did not have to do a thing around his house...and he lived with his parents until we were married and never paid any of the bills then. So he had better change now, because i am really running out of patience and chances. And I am happy to be in our house now. I really do love it and want to keep it. I just think he and I should both be working to pay it, and he needed to snap out of his bubble and see that real estate is not something he can depend on to pay bills. His lack of reality was making me see him as a child and not even a real man. Thank you for letting me vent. I hope this works out, but I have to say that I am still feeling angry and resentful that he would even put me in this situation in the first place.
Oct 19, '06Quote from Marie_LPNMy parents told me they were divorcing when I was about 11. I do recall saying emphatically, "IT'S ABOUT TIME, YOU TWO HAVE MADE ME MISERABLE FOR YEARS!!!"Said it on other threads, i'll say it here too:
As a kid whose parents got married and stayed married for 7 years for my "sake", they didn't fool me. I knew something wasn't right, and i would have been much happier had they gotten divorced soon as they realized it wasn't going to work, or heck, never got married. I was probably the only 7 year old who did a cartwheel when i found out my parents were spliting up.
On a different note. We tend to hear about how bad divorce is all the time. I beg to differ. It can be a wonderful and necessary thing. We have choices. A lifetime of misery and/or abuse is not mandatory now. I also think the religious counseling and dogma just tends to drag the misery out for a few more years before the eventual divorce.
To the OP: I don't think your husband will change. The question is this - how much pain is enough? How many years? And I'd ask yourself this: if he never changes (because he probably won't fundamentally change) is it good enough? Would you die an old woman and be glad you spent your life with him as he is now?
Oct 26, '06So you might know the other side.........
My husband is so supportive of me and my dreams that I almost cry when I think about it. He is fully supporting me now as I go through an entry level MSN-FNP program. We can't live together b/c my school is far away from where he works but he's put me up in my own little apartment and pays all the bills as well as the staggering tuition.
My ONLY job is to do well in school. He is the hardest working man I've ever known, and the most honest. When we do get to see each other he does all the cooking, cleaning, and dishes b/c he knows I have to study.
We talk every day, multiple times, and rarely if ever really fight. We "discuss". We communicate well and genuinely enjoy each others company. We laugh often. I would say our time together has been 90% happy.
Occassionally he stresses about money but we just focus on the future and the money I'll bring in then.
We've been married two years and things are only getting better between us. We get closer all the time it seems. He is a true partner, he makes me a better human being and, amazingly, he feels I do the same for him. I feel blessed and lucky beyond all belief. I'm crying as I write this.
You DESERVE what I have. Your husband is not going to change and unfortunately love is just not enough. I went through many frogs before I found my prince.....don't be afraid to move on to the next lilly pad. Don't waste years of your life for someone when you could have a man like my husband (they do exist!). But your husband will never change into the type of man my husband is (at least it's very unlikely and will take many years of self reflection and internal growth on his part).
Cut your losses and find your happiness.