Please review my cover letter

NICUismylife, ADN, BSN, RN · Dec 17, 2016

It's too long and has a lot of unnecessary info. Did they ask you to include why you went into nursing? If not, then I'd pull out the part about giving birth.

And the entire 3rd paragraph is info from your resume. No need to list the info here.

In addition, I strongly suggest you research their mission and values and dedicate a paragraph to why you specifically want to work for their particular organization. How their values align with yours, why you want to participate in their residency program, etc. The facility wants to hire people who want them.

Good outline to use is one paragraph devoted to your passion, experience, strengths, etc. One paragraph to why you want to work for their organization, and a closing paragraph. I think you nailed the closing. It sounds great.

I would remove the p.s. and include your cell # in the closing paragraph instead. Even better would be to list it on your header.

Good luck. I know how anxiety provoking the job search can be.

Ginger's Mom, MSN, RN · Dec 17, 2016

You said you are highly interested twice remove one . Your letter is too long.The part about the birth of you son is tmi. The part about your preceptor is great. Your previous experience is not needed since it will be in your resume. Over all good letter and good luck.

joanna73, BSN, RN · Dec 18, 2016

Agreed. Your cover letter is too long. 3 concise paragraphs and a closing line is all you need.

Also, you should try to link the mission and values of the company in some fashion.

Employers want to know in concrete terms how your credentials will add value to their team. Why should they hire you over the other 200 applicants?

Writing about why you are interested in nursing and the birth of your son is not going to win them over.

Review sample nursing cover letters on the internet. There are some good examples out there.

Paragraph 1: Tell the employer which job you are applying for and express interest in the position, but be brief. Have you recently completed a placement in this area?

Paragraph 2: Link their mission and values with highlights of your previous work/ volunteer experience. What have you done that adds value to their team?

Paragraph 3: Thank them, tell them how you can be contacted. You have repeated yourself in your closing paragraph. Omit the P.S.

nutella, MSN, RN · Dec 18, 2016

I would not hire you with this cover letter.

Too pretentious, too long, you are not setting yourself apart, too much information that points to you being "difficult or a difficult personality or having private problems that will lead you to calling out a lot and such. Do not give all that personal information. Keep it professional.

I deleted most of your information and just wrote a few sentences to give you an example of how I think when it comes to cover letters. Of course -disclaimer - this is just me - I have hired in the past as a manager but gave up management because I do not like it. However, I can tell you that myself and a lot of nursing managers and HR will weed out straight up anything that looks "suspicious" and indicates potential problems.

Your whole story just opens up for a bunch of ??? it does not make me think - great candidate for nursing.

My first impression was : great - another one who confuses nursing and does not tell me actually why I should hire her.

I do not think that owning a business or your hotel experience is to your advantage. Nursing is not based on customer service the same way hospitality is. Nursing is based on caring as the cornerstone within the nursing model. Yes, we need time management, and some decent communication skills/ collaboration and such - but one of the most important items in critical thinking! Thinking within the bigger picture, putting the dots together. I do not care if you can arrange the food on the tray for a great presentation - I care about you realizing that a low urine output and a high crea/BUN and higher age are a problem when the patient is also ordered for so many iv antibiotics and other iv fluids that it will push the patient into heart failure. I care about your ability to prioritize and provide safe care. Is it great that you have done all the other fluff things? yeah it is a nice plus but I want to see that you are able to be a nurse and that you are prepared to navigate through the constant changes in the healthcare system and that you have some resilience.

Your story just screams "problems". Don't mention young kids or family, don't mention that you decided on nursing because of your child.

They get so many applications that HR could possible already week out yours before it even goes to the manager. In some places HR weeds out a lot and only forwards the ones who meet certain criteria for closer review. Speaking different languages and being culturally aware is certainly a plus, ability to communicate and collaborate is essential.

Here is an example what I would consider "better" but of course you have to write it in a way that is "you" , true, and if you get invited to an interview make sure you have actually something to talk - like your view on nursing and such...

Your information

include email and cell phone

People do not include "objectives" anymore than much but some still do. However, make it professional like

Objective : Application for nurse residency program

Dear Mr. Bradham:

Nursing school is coming to an end in December 2016 and I anticipate to pass the NCLEX in February 2017. It would be my preference to start working as a new graduate nurse within your nurse residency program, which has an excellent reputation and reflects the organization's effort in creating a supportive transition into clinical practice.

As part of my senior practicum I was exposed to medical surgical nursing on the telemetry floor and enjoyed the opportunities of applying my nursing skills in a diverse environment. My experience during this period strengthened my wish to pursue nursing in an acute care setting and preferably medical surgical telemetry. I have a special interest in fill in what applies - example wound care, ethics in nursing etc. - and appreciate opportunities for professional developments in work groups / councils - whatever applies-.

I speak ... languages and am skilled in conflict management (or whatever applies), add some other stuff that is true and will make you stick out but nothing too crazy.

Thank you for considering my application for the residency nursing program start /2017, I have attached my resume that also outlines my previous work experience for your review; I would be more than happy to discuss my view on nursing, professional goals, and plans for a successful transition into nursing in person.

Name

kiszi, RN · Dec 18, 2016

I would remove any references to "expertise". Regardless of your past experiences or schooling, you cannot have any expertise as a new nurse and to imply such is meaningless. They know you have a lot to learn. Emphasize your willingness to work hard at learning and developing your practice.

guest52816 · Dec 18, 2016

I agree with the other posters who think this cover letter is way too long!

First, get rid of "highly interested" in first line. You aren't expressing interest in the position, you are APPLYING for a job. Simply state what you are actually doing. Get rid of graduation date. You can put that in your resume. Also get rid of when you expect to take NCLEX. It doesn't matter. Most hospitals will require new graduates to have passed NCLEX prior to their start date. So these facts are taking up limited space in the cover letter.

You need to state a good reason why you are apply for the job. I have no idea what you mean by diversity. Do you mean ethnic diversity of the staff, or diversity of patient population? If I don't know what you mean, probably the manager won't either. Again, be specific. And positive comments of staff and patients is pretty weak. Give them something strong and specific to read.

Personally, I am okay with you keeping the birth of your son in your cover letter. But please get rid of the word "tedious" to describe birth. Is the birth of a child really tedious? If you chose to keep the birth in, give an example of WHY this experience motivated you to become a nurse.

What I don't see in this cover letter are the reasons WHY you want this job.

The closing is far too long. Say it once: I look forward to meeting with you to discuss my qualifications for the position of XYZ. And don't include a P.S., you aren't sending a letter to a pen-pal.

In order to stand apart from the competition, you must give solid reasons as to why you applying for the job and what motivates you as a nurse. Right now, this cover letter is too long and generic to be interested. It rambles, but doesn't say much.

It's not a bad start. You can easily clean it up and make it better.

joanna73, BSN, RN · Dec 18, 2016

OP, I'll be honest. As a hiring manager, if I received a cover letter that explained personal information or referred to expertise (which as a new grad you do not have in nursing), I would put your letter aside.

Competition is fierce. Be very specific and relate your skills to the employer.

Editorial Team / Admin · Dec 18, 2016

Is any of this information real (names, hospital names, phone number)?

If so, remove ASAP.

You may report the post (click on yellow triangle) if you are unable to remove personal information yourself.

Please protect your privacy.

lugirl1 · Dec 18, 2016

Thank you very much for your honesty and criticism. I really appreciate it.

lugirl1 · Dec 19, 2016

Thanks nutella. Ouch!! your feedback hurts and my self esteem went down to 0% (lol) but I like your criticism and honesty. I don't mean to sound pretentious or difficult. In all honesty I thought I was selling myself. This is the reason why a website such as this is great for Somebody like me. I will definitely consider what everyone has been sharing with me. Thanks once again for the great feedback!

guest52816 · Dec 19, 2016

Thank you very much for your honesty and criticism. I really appreciate it.

Happy to help! Just think of the cover letter and subsequent interview as your opportunity to shine. :yes: