Please Read My Strange Journey Through NCLEX!

[CUNurse2b]

I graduated about 2.5 years ago. At the time I was pregnant and already had one toddler running at home. So I decided to stay home until I delivered. I always was a good student, but during my first trimester I had some problem in nursing school, but everything was fine later. I scheduled my test before I gave birth, but intense abdominal pain for two weeks, I couldn't take my test. So I moved it but I had baby a week before my test. After that my life was a roller-coaster of emotions and failures. Facing different challenges with no time to study for the test, I went to take the test for the first time..... 255 questions, I failed. But I was shocked when the letter from state came because I was above average on everything except pharmacology and one other category! It gave me hope, so I had someone taking care of my kids when I could study. Leaving the kids under the care of a babysitter, I failed NCLEX three times -- first with about 180 questions, second and third with 75 questions. I started feeling so down I can't even explain. Right around then, two difficult situations affected my personal life and it made me more unstable emotionally. The babysitter was also not a good choice, she was not treating the kids right, and it made me more tense. My one desire then was to fire her and just sit home and take care of the kids. I was really stressed out. I was stressed not only with the babysitter but also by studying. I gave so much time studying... almost 24 hours. Every minute I could take, but it really wasn't helping me much. I even thought of going to work someplace else and applied, but I also registered one more time after getting good faith advice from my husband. He was very patient and supportive all this time. But three weeks before my test, the babysitter announced she was going to start a new job in two weeks and so would be gone a week before my test. I couldn't think what to do then because I needed someone to take care of the kids when I studied. I was simply nervous. Right then, I asked my husband to stay home for a month, and he did. He was great. He took the kids out every day to give me some quiet time to study. And this time, I went a different approach. I registered in ReadyToPass.com website for their class. Their class was great, and it helped me a great deal as I was rusty in several theoretical nursing parts. All of a sudden I felt a ray of hope because I knew so much more content wise now. So instead of taking the test, I repeated the class one more time. There were changes happening in my life around this time too, but still this time I came back from the exam with a great deal of hope, but I failed again with 265 questions and full 6 hours of exam.

All of a sudden I felt so hopeless, I didnt want to study or do anything. I cried alone so many nights and sometimes just got upset at everyone around me. But in reality, I felt I was a failure and there was no point of being fair to me. I know it's just a test, but to me, NCLEX was a path to my dreams and I was not able to get to my dreams. I was shattered big time! I was really shattered this time. I had exam registered, but I hadn't studied. I seeked help with ReadyToPass again, but they also DITCHED me as they probably thought I was not able to pass this test. They didn't return my phone calls and that drew me down more. This was one prep class, that had helped me to improve and when they lost faith in me, I felt helpless and hopeless. So I actually went for an interview for a different job rather than studying. I stopped looking for someone to babysit my kids. I simply decided not to study. I spent hours playing with my kids, watching videos in youtube, cooking and surfing the net. Three days before the test, I started feeling anxious. I reviewed a couple things one day before the test and also thought of not taking the test as I was not ready. But I read the thread of someone taking the test without studying in allnurses.com, so it kind of encouraged me to do so too. In the morning of the test, I just got up took care of things I needed to and went to take the test. I used to worry about the test all the time in the past even in my way to test center, but this time I was a cold stone. I was a little anxious in the test center, but all of a sudden I found myself sitting in front of the computer answering questions. I told myself this is my last NCLEX no matter what the result would be and I simply don't care anymore. I took several breaks during my exam. But they were not bathroom breaks. I actually sat on the chair with closed eyes and dreamt of myself as a RN, as a mom playing with my kids. I even thought of my high school events, laughed at myself for doing silly things back then. I hoped to see the computer go blue at Q#75, but it didnt and crossed 110. I am not sure where exactly it stopped, somewhere between 110-112. When I came out the test center, I had a very strange feeling in my tummy and felt like throwing up. But later I was fine. But the next day was a torture as I couldn't sto thinking about the test. I answered the last question right, but when I called the state board, they told me it doesnt matter if you get the last questions right or wrong. So my hope faded. Well, I told myself how could I expect to pass even when I didn't study. Then, just now, I checked my pearson site, and to my wildest dream, I passed! I called my husband but couldn't say a word and just pointed to the screen, not a word came out. I don't know what happened to me then... I felt better only after I actually cried. All of a sudden my journey that started from nursing school came to a full circle. I feel relieved right now and I can't explain how good it feels to know I was able to do it. The only difference this time was that I didnt study and just reviewed some stuff one day before. I slept and even took naps for a month and tried not to think about NCLEX. One thing I did -- I came to allnurses every night. Everyone here have encouraged me so much and it always feels better when you know you are not the only one in this difficult path. All of a sudden, I see my future becoming bright.... I dream of buying a house and living there with my family. I dream of working as a RN and becoming a successful nurse. Life seems beautiful right now.

Thank you all for posting your comments, it helped me a lot.

Sorry for the long post, but

[J-Swift808]

First of all, Congrats "RN" . There is no need to apologize for having written a long post. Your story was quite uplifting; the fact that you never gave up and pursued your dreams of becoming an RN one day is quite an accomplishment in itself. You said it best when everything has finally come "full circle".

[SinCityRN]

yeah no need to apologize..I read your entire post and just felt ever word you wrote. I'm glad to know that you passed and are over and done with the test. Congratulations on getting your life back. You must feel like the happiest person in the world.

[hugmebaby_72]

congrats !!!:yeah:

[Silverdragon102, BSN]

Congrats, with will and determination things can be achieved

[Melinurse]

congradulations and thank you for the touching story. i always love to read these kinds of posts, so thank you.

:flwrhrts:congradulations :flwrhrts:

[NewmanFamily6]

Wow what an inspirational story of perserverance! Congratulations and good luc out there Nurse:wink2:

[BettyBoo706]

congrats

[iloveclay]

Wow what an inspirational story of perserverance! Congratulations and good luc out there Nurse:wink2:

Yes what an inspirational, uplifting story of perseverance and hope. Good luck in whatever path you choose.

[BISN08]

Wow! It is an inspiration for me! Congrats!

[jadu1106]

congratulations on passing the nclex and having all your hard work pay off!! you are proof that you can take the test x number of times and still pass with flying colors!! i congratulate you on a job well done! best of luck in your nursing career!! :yeah:

[akantner]

CONGRATS!!! - you earned it!