Please critique my cover letter

[luckyberries]

I am about to graduate in December, and I have never written a cover letter in my life! I have managed to put one together and I have no idea on my progress. I live with a bunch of business majors so their view on cover letters and resumes are totally different from what I've been hearing on this site and my professors as well. Please read this and feel free to send any critiques my way.

Senior Nurse Recruiter

ABC Hospital

123 Happy Blvd.

Texas PA

office#

fax #

Dear Ms. Recruiter,

I am writing in response to an announcement recently posted on ABC Hospital employment opportunities web site for new nursing graduates. As you can see from my resume I will graduate December 2014 from the (MY SCHOOL) College of Nursing.

Through my four semesters of clinical rotations I have had the opportunity to work in several setting including medical surgical, critical care, and emergency department. My main focus is medical surgical because I have spent extensive time on those units during my clinical rotations. Also I was offered my nurse's aide job on a medical surgical unit right after my first semester of clinical rotation on the unit. As I complete my transition this fall I am confident that I will continue to develop clinical reasoning and communication skills, critical for caring for a growing diverse patient population.

In addition to my nursing skills I also have extensive bilingual communication skills. As a native Vietnamese speaker I have used my skills to teach in a Sunday school program, lead summer camps and also help care for Vietnamese non-English speaking patients.

I am very interested in beginning my nursing career at your hspital and believe my skills and experience prepared me well. I look forward to meeting you in person and discussing what I can offer to your team. Please do not hesitate to contact me at (phone number)

Sincerely,

myname

[scaredsilly, BSN, RN]

QUICK--As fast as you can, edit out the recruiters contact information---you are inviting a heck of a lot of competition for a job you want by leaving it here!

Remove this:

My main focus is medical surgical because I have spent extensive time on those units during my clinical rotations. Also I was offered my nurse’s aide job on a medical surgical unit right after my first semester of clinical rotation on the unit.

Reason: It limits your possibilities. What if all they have are ICU or peds openings? They won't read further.

In all of my cover letters, I put something in about the hospitals core values. You can find the information on their website. Say something like: You core values of compassion, treating the whole person (whatever) fits perfectly with my personal nursing philosophy. It lets you know you researched them.

Otherwise it is a great letter, but that contact info removed. Besides the competition, you don't want her asking another new grad "how did you find out about us?" and they respond "a Vietnamese new grad on AN posted it"...that would not look good for you!

[NRSKarenRN, BSN, RN]

Facility edit for privacy protection.

[luckyberries]

Thank you so much! Advice taken! I will rewrite it and send one in tomorrow!

[kaylee.]

I wouldnt cut the part about your clinical experiences, but i would gear them towards the unit you are applying to. if you worked as a nurses aid this is a very significant thing to talk about, bc it is actual work exp in an acute setting. this is relevant for any acute care. maybe elaborate on the skills you gained from this job working with patients and the care team (eg teamwork). This your hook that can set you apart from other new grads without such experience.