patient/family challenges

[vetnrse]

Not looking for advice, just venting. So, I work several different types of nursing jobs,schools, home care, group homes and also do LTC insurance assessments. Most of my clients are pleasant and cooperative with these assessments and overseeing home health care services for them. And then there's the ONE . like the ONE I had today. the family member of an alzheimers client who is stressed out , and angry and heading toward caregiver burnout and probably and unhappy person and complainer to begin with. The ones that take their anxiety out on the nurse that stops in to check on things or in my case today, stopped in for a scheduled assessment so the claimant (patient) (we call them claimants) can continue to receive reimbursement of their long term care benefits. Anyway I dont care if patients get angry with me. I have worked with clients and patients of all sorts, developmentally disabled, psychiatric, dementia , alzheimers, ALS, MS, substance abusers etc... Ive been screamed at , things thrown at me and all that. And that doesnt bother me since. these patients have no control of their behavior. What does bother me is a family member of the alzheimers client that I had bent over backward scheduling this assessment(the daughter kept putting it off saying it was ridiculous and not needed since it was just done) any way, I convinced her to avoid having a lapse in benefits, it would be to her advantage to just schedule this nursing assessment for the LTC insurance. Fine , she says. and so when I get to the house today she says, well I only have an hour , since I have to be somewhere in a little while. And I remind her, that normally these 20 page assessments can take up to 2 hrs, but I will go as quickly as possible. Her mom, is in the classic confused state of alzheimers muttering and unable to process conversation. The daughter is speaking loud and fast . Of course I am going through the assessment questions as quickly as possible , when the daughter stops me and yells at me for being rude and going too fast and loud for her mom which is causing confusion for her. I note to myself of course that the daughter is interrupting mom and speaking very fast and loud, which Mom cant process. I observe an obvious case of projecting her stress and anger onto me. so at least someone else is the culprit of her and her Moms troubles. I apologize to the daughter and remind her that I was going quickly per her earlier request,but and that I was asking her much of the info as well.and this is the usual pace of the assessment. Well she was just angry and said she will put in a complaint about me to the company, ( which I told her she was welcome to do) and she proceeded to complaining all the other things that she wasnt happy with the LTI company. Well. I was quite taken aback as I have been doing these assessments for several years now , and as mundane and time consuming that they may be, I make them as pleasant as possible to the clients and family all the while remaining quite thorough. And usually at the end most clients write a very good review , in the comment section and thank me. Well , I certainly never had any one insult me like that ,. Ok , just what I need I thought , being screamed at for doing my job, after working 6 days a week usually 9 and 10 hr days or sometimes longer , in all kinds of settings.

Well , I finished the assessment as quickly and slowly as possible , Had a nice 'talk ' with the 'Mom' and will just note on the assessment that it was not possible to answer all questions accurately since the daughter expressed anger on every question that I asked. ( Just going down the line you know of the 50 or so detailed questions required by your Moms LTI insurance co.) I thought. Any way, there's always one in a bunch to ruin the day and this one was it. She was just a downright nasty unhappy person that probably does that to everyone. A total complainer. Thank God most arent like that or I wouldve quit this business eons ago. Thanks for listening

[Libby1987]

Happy content people don't act that way, there has to be a measure of miserableness in there. All you can really do is let it slide off and be grateful that you don't live in her skin.

Sucks though.

[vetnrse]

So true. Thanks

[JBudd, MSN]

I'm impressed at how well you kept it together and actually finished! Whew.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

When I worked in assisted living and LTC, I thought it would have been a piece of cake if all I'd had to worry about were the patients. The families were what got me. SOME of them were wonderful and even helpful, but so many were not that there were rooms I literally dreaded to go in because I knew what waited for me there.

I think what drives a lot of the nastiness is a pervasive guilt---guilt that their relative is in need of help they can't give, guilt that they can't manage him or her alone, guilt that they can't handle being around him/her for very long. But knowing this only helps a little; families that are hateful and mean and overbearing wear us down and contribute to high stress levels among nurses. You totally have my sympathies. Hope you won't have to deal with that daughter again.

[vetnrse]

Practice makes perfect , but this case was a little more challenging since it wasnt a client or patient so to speak that was spewing uncontrolled anger at me. It was someone that did not have dementia or psychiatric issue,( although , maybe shes bipolar or something and forgot to take her meds) Thanks though for the compliment

[vetnrse]

You know what , you are right. I forgot about my time years ago in LTC facilities. It was the families that are the most nasty and difficult. As is with home care as well. Any way I can choose which of these jobs to accept, and you can bet I will not be going back to this one. Thanks