i made a comment to my coworker and he was offended. it was a meant as a harmless tease and just feel terrible about it. i knew something was wrong because my co worker sort of shut down. i asked twice what was wrong. finally today i asked again and he reminded me what it was i had done. here is the event:
i stayed over to draw a lab which had come in right at shift change. i dont like to leave things undone out of courtesy to the next shift. my co worker being nice said "hey i got this" i said, no i don't mind". he "go home, i got it" well i made a joke and "i said ok be a control freak". i was totally joking, but immediately wished i had not said it. well he walked off, i drew the lab. i found him and said i was just teasing and was sorry if it offended him. he said "no way , all is fine"
well i forgot about it. so much so that i did not even put it together. he had to remind me that was the issue. i apologized and believe me i was sincere. i told him it was meant to be funny but i see it was inappropriate and asked for him to please forgive me. he said he did but stressed that he would just want to communicate about work and patients from now on. i said of course and that i would never say anything like that again.
i can tell he is upset with me still and i don't blame him. i know i crossed the line, but i felt close enough to tease but i know i was wrong, i take responsibility and have learned something.
i believe that if he wants to stay standoffish and leery he can and i don't blame him. i just feel terrible about it. i know the best thing is just to let it go. i wont bother him again by bringing it up or trying to chit chat. i just fill like a dummy..
it helps just to write it down here. the sad part is he was the nicest guy to me, he encouraged me and taught me so much. i like him so well that is why i teased a little. but instead i hurt someone i really liked and appreciated.
i hope in time he forgives me and we can move past this. i am just sad about it. i wish i could have explained it better to him today, but i think he knows i am saddened and so sorry. thanks for listening and i would welcome any feedback
Specializes in LTC,med-surg,detox,cardiology,wound/ost.
There is some underlying current here and it is not that you were teasing him. My guess is that something has been said about him before or that he perceives a lack of control or authority for/over himself. Maybe someone else has accused him of not pulling his own weight? He is uncomfortable with something. Perhaps you could write him a nice note saying again, that you are sorry about putting your foot in your mouth and that you feel uncomfortable leaving tasks for the oncoming shift when they are trying to organize their day.
i do believe that good working relationships, are worth the extra effort in trying to preserve them.
maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea, to write a brief note, again apologizing but adding, and reminding him, that you appreciate the relationship you 2 have had: that you know i feel awful; and dude, let it go...will ya please?'
sometimes a gentle dopeslap is a powerful antidote.
I have to disagree with everyone who is saying that he is uptight, overreacting, a baby, needs to get over it, etc. The fact is that you did offend him whether you meant to or not, and he is entitled to his feelings. How would you feel if you were in his shoes and the response to you was "suck it up and get over it, it's no big deal?"
You apologized...sincerly, I hope. The only thing worse than no apology is an insincere one.
Now it is up to him whether to accept that apology. I hope he does accept it and you two eventually resume your relationship at the level it was before this incident. Otherwise, you've done your part--there's nothing more you can do. Pestering him to forgive you will only make him feel more uncomfortable.
You've apologized profusely, twice. Any more than that is overkill. I agree with the above post; continuing to apologize could cause more problems than it will solve.
Move on, continue to be cordial and friendly and accept the situation for what it is.
i really appreciate all the comments . that is what i like about this site. my fellow nurses who took their time to answer me .....it meant a lot. i was distressed yesterday. i had conflicting feelings. you all gave me something to think about. i read every comment. ( some of the posts made me wickedly happy:))
the result was, i was very calmed down and not worried this morning. thanks for that. i did decide i decided i would behave well. be polite, no trying to gain any more from him in the way of forgiveness. thanks for that advice. i and went out this morning and worked 7-3 and was very engaged and upbeat and excited. i had everything all ready for my co worker to walk into a smooth unit, with everything processed and the patients all polished. (i am 7-3 charge and he is 3-11charge)
my co worker came in for report and it felt ok. there was tension but i could tell my apology really started to help this heal. we focused on patients, no chit chat. no groveling. we were both willing to smile , make eye contact and be at ease we were polite but no talking about our issue. i think everything will be fine in time.
last thought...at first glance, this seems really minor...? maybe, but i think this type of discord can be very devastating. i feel these issues we face with our coworkers can cause fear and shame and they need to be handled with the respect they deserve. as leaders on our unit, my coworkewr and i, must behave well and protect the harmony. that is why these little bumps have to be smoothed and healed. much is at stake.
thank you all for your posts. I needed to hear what others thought. You all helped. I am going totally forget this and move . I will be polite and we can just give crosshift info. I hope he comes around but it is really not that important.
Like you all said, I apologized and that is really all I can or need to do. Thanks, Frost
Somehow I hate that last statement. Your first post you were genuinely hurt and sought to make amends for words misspoken. (Very sweetlike). Now you sound almost as though you're becoming hardened.
By jove, bad communication does corrupt good manners!
You've apologised, which was the right and decent thing to do.But also know that not all advice, even those given with good intentions, should be taken. Don't change who you are. You felt it more because you watched the change happen. We only write from what you described.
no not hardened..I havs to watch that dony worry too much and try to "fix" it. I am a softie and I have to temper that. Just reminding my self to be composed.
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
Frost - it's a little off-point but I'm simply bowled over that the whole thing was about who was going to do the blood draw, and not a beyotch and moan fest about getting dumped on - what we normally hear about - so it sounds like you're way ahead of most on a healthy and supportive work environment. cue kid voice...lucky-pup!
cue kid voice...lucky-pup!
alphabetsoup
78 Posts
There is some underlying current here and it is not that you were teasing him. My guess is that something has been said about him before or that he perceives a lack of control or authority for/over himself. Maybe someone else has accused him of not pulling his own weight? He is uncomfortable with something. Perhaps you could write him a nice note saying again, that you are sorry about putting your foot in your mouth and that you feel uncomfortable leaving tasks for the oncoming shift when they are trying to organize their day.