I'd have a MAJOR problem with any ob/gyn's office (medical assistant, nursing staff, MD/CNM/NP, or just a general office policy) that would not allow my SO to be with despite my wishes.
One of the CNMs in the practice I went to tried to kick my SO out of the room for a post SAB check. It was actually post postSAB hemorrhage (I hemorrhaged about 6 weeks after the SAB), so I wasn't very emotional about it. I didn't need that kind of support.
I just wanted him there.
People tend to forget that this is MY BODY. I know it better than anyone else. If I know that having the person I am closest to next to me while someone is jamming a cold metal duck beak into my most private area will make me feel more calm, more relaxed, and thus make the exam more physically and mentally bearable, then I am entitled to that.
I understand the rationale behind it sometimes--you want to ask about abuse, past pregnancies/abortions, drug use, etc. But you need to look at it this way--some people need a support person. Maybe they're incredibly shy. Maybe they were victims of sexual abuse in the past and can't do a pelvic alone. Maybe the couple is really that close, and share things like that. Maybe according to their religion, the husband has to be a part of the medical decision making process. Maybe she doesn't care one way or the other, but the SO is very interested to learn about his partner's body.
Compounding that would be the anxiety of an ER visit--those can be scary as all anything. Isolate the woman from every support person she has, surround her with strangers in a strange place, with no one familiar to hold her hand, and then tell her to "let your legs flop open and relax your bottom". Yeah, okay!
Whatever the reason is--it should be left up to the woman to decide.
I would not go to a provider that did not respect me in such a simple manor. It's very simple.