Can you believe this? 13yo and mom both pregnant

mother/babyRN, RN · Jun 16, 2004

DayRay, if I get a pt whose parent , spouse or significant other "won't" let a patient have pain med, I simply remind them that it is up to the patient, and try to ask her what she wants when they are out of the room, and then tell her to make me the bad person and let her know I will do what she wants me to do....Especially since she is an emancipated minor....Parents no longer in charge...

mother/babyRN, RN · Jun 16, 2004

Kids are EQUALLY culpable...They make the choice to have sex......Sorry, parents are NOT to blame...Parents and kids together should be involved in the info but ultimately, it is the kid who makes the choice...And I can say that as a single mom in the past......

seanymph · Jun 16, 2004

My original labor pt. (13 yr old) came back last night and delivered. Mom is 27yrs old and delivering in next couple of months and grandma is 42yrs. Pt. last night ended up seizuring and had to be put on Mag. Sulfate. and given 10mg Valium. Long night. :crying2:

Dayray, RN · Jun 19, 2004

DayRay, if I get a pt whose parent , spouse or significant other "won't" let a patient have pain med, I simply remind them that it is up to the patient, and try to ask her what she wants when they are out of the room, and then tell her to make me the bad person and let her know I will do what she wants me to do....Especially since she is an emancipated minor....Parents no longer in charge...

Sadly in my state 3 years ago they changed the law and minors are no longer imancipated when they get pregnant. We must have parental consent =(

They also have to inform parents about any famly planing counciling and of prenatal care/ abortions.

Very sad =(

Dayray, RN · Jun 20, 2004

Kids are EQUALLY culpable...They make the choice to have sex......Sorry, parents are NOT to blame...Parents and kids together should be involved in the info but ultimately, it is the kid who makes the choice...And I can say that as a single mom in the past......

I'll agree to disagree on this issue.

It's a philosophical question I know, as kids do have free will and can make decisions on their own.

I however have a really hard time holding children responsible for such big mistakes. If you consider that "we are who we are " because of the sum of our experiences then parents carry a heavy burden as they are responsible for those experiences until the child is 18. Now when a child reaches adulthood and if they received the proper love and instruction and assuming their are no biological problems preventing it then they can be held accountable for their actions but I don't believe that children have the maturity to be held responsible for what they do. Things like teen pregnancy or juvenile delinquency are a sign of emotional disturbance that has it's roots in home life.

Now of course you could get really philosophical and say that the parents are the way they are because of the way the were raised but of course you would have to stop somewhere and lay responsibility. I chose to lay that responsibility on the parents as they are the only ones who have the power to shape their children's perceptions and hopefully prepare them to be responsible happy, emotionally whole adults.

I take full responsibility for my children as I see them acting out only what I have taught or shown them both good and bad. Sure they all have their own personalities and they all express them selves as individuals but they still have learned right and wrong, from me and my wife. When they do wrong I discipline them to teach them right from wrong and not to punish them as they are not responsible for what they have done, I am. Someday they will be grown up and they will have to be responsible. I only hope that by then they have learned enough to make good decisions. Until then I have to take the rap for it.

Like I said I'll agree to disagree, I don't mind discussing this subject (in fact I like it) but I ask you please to see it as only that and not a personal attack as I don't fault you for thinking differently from me.

skislalom · Jun 20, 2004

not justifying anything here, but remember that the grandparents-to-be usually have a few months to adjust to the fact that thier barely teen is making them a grandparent, the shock, disappointment and a myriad of other emotions are usually dealt with by then and the fact that they are able to enjoy the arrival despite how it all came to be-doesn't mean they approve of the situation as a whole. I can't even begin to fathom becoming a great-grandma in my FORTIES!! sheesh that is just wrong...LOL

I have 3 daughters (and a son) and it scares the bejeeeezus out of me that they are approaching the teen years. My mom and I grew up together really and I vowed to wait until I was 25 to have a child...I was 26 when I had my first and there was nuthin but joy about her arrival.

just my .02

~T

donmomofnine · Jun 20, 2004

On the flip side . . . . I have a friend who was married at 20 and got preggers a couple of years later. At the same time her mom, who thought she was going through menopause found out she was preggers too. They both had boys who attended the same schools and graduated together. One was the uncle and one was the nephew.
That is alot better take and the mom and daughter being pregnant at the same time story. :chuckle
steph

My daughter and I were pregnant at the same time. She was twenty and very excited about starting a family, and I had planned my last pregnancy! My daughter and granddaughter are both the same age. How many grandmothers can say that they nursed their grandchild? It was the only way my daughter could leave the baby those first few months and spend time alone with her husband!

jwk · Jun 22, 2004

Kids are EQUALLY culpable...They make the choice to have sex......Sorry, parents are NOT to blame...Parents and kids together should be involved in the info but ultimately, it is the kid who makes the choice...And I can say that as a single mom in the past......

I have personally done anesthesia for a C/S for a 12 year old who became pregnant at 11. During my OB rotation, we had a 10 year old deliver.

Kids this age are by and large NOT culpable, and their pregnancies are often the result of abuse and incest. It is rare for these pregnancies to be caused by a couple of 12 year olds having sex, although I'm sure that has happened. It almost always involves an older teen or man. That's why there are laws for statutory rape. Girls under a certain age (defined by law) are deemed incapable of giving consent, regardless of any claim that the act was consensual.

rn4booboo · Jun 22, 2004

Who is the daddy? Were they perhaps the same- lots of times on a 13 yo there may be foulplay.

Just a thought.....

mother/babyRN, RN · Jun 22, 2004

Well, of COURSE anyone should assume in that scenario would NOT be culpable just as a rape victim would not BUT in many cases they are, whether YOU agree or not...( and thankfully, usually, those ages you mentioned are not the norm...) But, you have a good point...

bigfishsmallpond · Jul 6, 2004

A little off the subject, but i had a 15 year old pt who delivered, and I noticed she had a big splay of roses with a card that said"Love, daddy". Naively, I said,

"Is this from your daddy, or your baby's daddy?" She replied "Both!" Talk about feeling your stomach come up to your mouth...it was her step-father, but STILL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Katnip, RN · Jul 6, 2004

Off topic a bit I guess. I read an article in the paper a couple of years ago about a 26-year-old grandmother. She had been 13 when she gave birth to her daughter and the daughter had just given birth to another girl at age 13. They were quite proud of this. I guess they are aiming for granny to become a great-grandmother at age 38?