My husband has always wanted to be a police officer and this past year has turned his life into something a little more meaningful...he has stayed focused, lost 80lbs, started college online and is in the best shape of his life. Plus our marriage has really been great this past year. We've both done things to be better people and happier with our selves and it has done wonders for us.
He was offered a position in the Detention center here in our county but unfortunately turned it down because of the schedule it was like 5 12's with 3 off (INSANE)! well now our local police dept has selected him to go into the second process of the recruitment which is like a 30 page info packet to fill out, lie detector, physical.
I would be absolutely thrilled for him to do what he wants to do, he has always been supportive over my nursing.
The only concern I have is a lot of people have told us that cops and nurses have a high divorce rate?
We've been together 10yrs and while yes we have normal problems when you are around someone non-stop all the time...we have a strong marriage, no lying, no secrets, no infidelity.
If they're are nursing and cop marriages on here....do you have any advice?
How do you manage your schedules to see each other and your kids? (we have 1 daughter who is 9)
Interesting post, as I'm a nursing student married to a cop. He had been a police officer for several years before we met and I met him when I was a police dispatcher. That was almost 10 years ago and we've been married for 6 years now with 2 kids.
I'm used to the shift work, overtime and long hours that come with the territory in law enforcement so I don't expect any drastic changes. Honestly it's all about balance, sometimes the odd hours shift work bring can work in your favor. My husband's on afternoon/evening shift and now that the kids are in Kindergarten and preschool (and I'll have 2 days off during my school week)....we'll actually get more "date" time during the day while the girls are in school!
My ex is a paramedic. I was a nurse before we met, he became a medic right before we got married. We lasted 9 years (married 7, child was 5 when we split). While I don't believe it was our professions that lead to our demise, I believe it it was our lifestyles that played a big role. Our lives had absolutely no routine, and once we had out child we spent no quality time together. There are other factors in our case. He wanted to be a cop (but never did, but often acted like he was), and had a very strong and cocky personality. And oh yeah, cheated on me with an EMT and is living miserably ever after with her.
Anyway, I thing you have a few things in your favor. You have 10 years experience with him., You have a 9 yr old, that does not need the constant attention that a small child does (if either of you work nights, you could actually sleep during the day). You guys are established as a family. You are supportive of each other's career goals.
Don't presume that you'll fit into the stereotypes of what doesn't work in a marriage.
Like the above poster said...marriage is what YOU make it and it takes WORK! Actually I think the fact that both your jobs are stressful will help. I realize that since I've actually begun working as a nurse...living my dream...(my husband is an electrician at a huge nuclear power plant) Our marriage has gotten even better. Married 2 years this past June. I no longer think about our marriage constantly..find things about it that I nitpick apart so to speak...because I simply do no have time to!!! Now that I'm a nurse there is so much more to occupy my thoughts and time then when I was working as a part time registrar/cna during nursing school that when I'm with my hubby all we do is enjoy each others company. I'm not nagging him or he me. The main thing is communication and making time to spend together each week.
Specializes in Addiction, Psych, Geri, Hospice, MedSurg.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm currently going through a divorce and I know if I would have taken this advice maybe my marriage would not have failed. While I'm in another relationship I plan to go about it the right way this time. Sorry to highjack the thread...
Sorry your marriage did not work out. Good luck on your future and finding the man that will love you in spite of you
My ex is a paramedic. I was a nurse before we met, he became a medic right before we got married. We lasted 9 years (married 7, child was 5 when we split). While I don't believe it was our professions that lead to our demise, I believe it it was our lifestyles that played a big role. Our lives had absolutely no routine, and once we had out child we spent no quality time together. There are other factors in our case. He wanted to be a cop (but never did, but often acted like he was), and had a very strong and cocky personality. And oh yeah, cheated on me with an EMT and is living miserably ever after with her.
Anyway, I thing you have a few things in your favor. You have 10 years experience with him., You have a 9 yr old, that does not need the constant attention that a small child does (if either of you work nights, you could actually sleep during the day). You guys are established as a family. You are supportive of each other's career goals.
Don't presume that you'll fit into the stereotypes of what doesn't work in a marriage.
Your ex sounds like my ex..... but everything you say is true.
My ex did try to blame me working nights on a part of it ( not much of a choice), then he tried to say when I became a nurse I gave all my patience to the patients and had none left for him. (really not true)
Yes, we had less time for eachother as when he left we were adjusting to life with a newborn. She was 6 months when he left.
It's how you handle these things, your communication and your comittment to the marriage.
if one of you had an office job that caused a lot of late nights at the office, that would present a conflict too, one you have to work through together as a couple.
The things that hurt a marriage are the same things that hurt individuals. Isolating. Substance abuse. Unresolved anger. Depression. Repression of pain rather than working through it. Unhealthy living. Whacked priorities. Self-centeredness. Disorganization. Dysfunction. The list goes on.
I like what demylenated said about always loving her spouse but not always being "in love." This is so true. The lovey-dovey feelings ebb and flow. What you need to keep you together during those low tide times are a commitment to each other, a willingness to hang tough, and the bedrock of a good solid friendship. Without those foundational attributes it's easy to make excuses for not seeking each other out and doing the work of staying married. If you are friends, first and always, you can get through just about anything.
It also helps to have a spiritual aspect to your marriage and your lives.
If there is any way in which I would see a nurse/cop marriage as having greater vulnerability than some others, it's that both can find themselves in the trenches, dealing with the raw side of human nature. If either starts to feel they have no good outlet for the cynicism and frustration that can build up, bad things can happen. Personal burnout can easily morph into marital burnout. That's when it's crucial to recognize what's happening and run, not walk, to a trusted counselor. Together.
i feel, that your careers will have little impact on your marriage. i am a new RN (yet to land my 1st job) and my hubby works a pretty much 7 -3 management job in construction. we have been married now 8 years, with 3 children. we have discussed many times that realistically i'm never going to find a job 7 - 3 for the next few years. so right now i'm searching for night shift positions. he doesn't like it.. but its the name of the game if i want a job. we like other couples have had our problems, but we finally agreed: one: we have eliminated the word divorce from our marriage, it is not an option. two: we will not fight about money. we discuss it, make decisions about it but if a fight even begins to start we say ok break time from the conversation. our marriage every year gets better and better! (not to say we don't have our hard times, or fight now and then).
you have been together 10 years! Congrats! my paster told us once that if you can make it 5 then you can make 10, if you make if 10 then you can make it 20 and so on. i know 2 RN's married. One and ED nurse and one in the service... He is pretty much home for 3 to 4 months and in Germany or other countrys for 6 to 8 months at a time.. they make it work. been married 12 years now.
your marriage is what you make it! don't worry about statistics and what goes on outside of your home. worry about you, your husband and your child! yes it may get stressful at times. but you and him both know that crazy scheds come with the job. so be understanding. sched dates. maybe working different shifts will cut down on babysitting costs.
no marriage works without communication, compromise and trust. if you have made it this far you can make it forever! :redbeathe
Specializes in BNAT instructor, ICU, Hospice,triage.
I'm a nurse. Hubby is a cop. Married for 18 years now. I Worked 7years on med-surg on the 7p-7a shift. Then transferred to ICU worked 11 years there, 7p-7a until we had kids. Our marriage was fabulous those first 7 years before we had kids, and it still is fabulous but its STINKIN hard if you don't have a lot of backup support. We have no grandparent support. And its better anyway for one parent to stay home. God showered down his blessings on us when hubby got hired as a school cop and he works only day shift and every holiday imaginable off. So we somehow made it work, and I consider those years when the kids were tiny, the best days of my life, even though it was so sleep deprived and exhausting. If you work shift work its so much harder. I worked 3p-11p (which I never got off work till 2 am the majority of the time) then had to get up at 6 to care for the kids and when they got older went to preschool, had to get them ready for that and take them and pick them up at 11:30 am. There was absolutely no sleep whatsoever those first few years for me.
So my advise is, unless you have full time grandparent support, sibling support(aunt and uncles of your kids), friend support, church support to help you with the kids, then you really should live off of one income in preparation for the time that you do have kids so that one parent can stay home or at least work PRN or part time. It is hard to find babysitting and I refuse to have my kids sleep in a strange bed in a daycare every night while I work and dh works. And I have lots of horror stories about daycares, so refused to put my kids in one. I did have a long time friend of the family and neighbor that watched my kids for their naps when I went to work at 1PM so I could be there at 2 pm to work 3-11 shift because dh didn't get off work until 4 pm. So a couple days a week she watched them in the afternoons. Its nice if you can stagger your shifts with dh to make it work. Its very worth it!!!!
My dks are ages 10 and 12 now, and the activities are really busy, so its nice that dh has such a great job that he can be there during the school year he has the same hours as they do. I work hospice now (for about 5 months) and I leave the house sometimes at 6:30 am and don't get home till 7 pm many times, I work 5 days a week like this and I'M CONSIDERED PRN for Pete's sake!! Anyway, every job I've had they work you to death in nursing, but I still love it, and I'd even do it if they didn't pay me, that's how much I love it!!
My dh is fantastic though, I have a lot of anxiety from my nursing career. Lets face it, IT JUST TAKES a lot out of you physically, emotionally and mentally to care for sick people. Its very important that you both support each other and put your marriage #2 priority. #1 priority is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.
Really there is no hope unless you live for Jesus. He will help you through it! I am not gonna lie its tough when kids come along when both of us work shift work. But God has helped us through it.
My MIL was a Nurse and my FIL was a cop and then a parole officer. They are retired now but they've made it through almost 35 years and with 3 great children too(one being my husband!)
I graduated nursing school and my husband went went into the Court Officer Academy in NYC ( a cop in the courts)
We had a kid. We got divorced.
I can tell you it had nothing to do with the jobs.
yes, it was a lawyer he had an affair with.
But it had nothing to do with his profession or mine. It had to do with him being him.
If he would stayed as a manager of Firestone, he would have done the same done the same thing.
it's not the profession you have, its the people you are.
Totally agree with you. People find a way to cheat no matter what. I am sure many nurses have left their spouses for other nurses, or docs or PTs, etc. I feel that all falls under the "my spouse can't relate to what I do" excuse (as I am sure mine said when he was doing it).
my paster told us once that if you can make it 5 then you can make 10, if you make if 10 then you can make it 20 and so on. i know 2 RN's married. One and ED nurse and one in the service... He is pretty much home for 3 to 4 months and in Germany or other countrys for 6 to 8 months at a time.. they make it work. been married 12 years now.
NurseErin83
32 Posts
Interesting post, as I'm a nursing student married to a cop. He had been a police officer for several years before we met and I met him when I was a police dispatcher. That was almost 10 years ago and we've been married for 6 years now with 2 kids.
I'm used to the shift work, overtime and long hours that come with the territory in law enforcement so I don't expect any drastic changes. Honestly it's all about balance, sometimes the odd hours shift work bring can work in your favor. My husband's on afternoon/evening shift and now that the kids are in Kindergarten and preschool (and I'll have 2 days off during my school week)....we'll actually get more "date" time during the day while the girls are in school!
Best of luck and congrats to both of you!!!