Nursing school is hard and with bipolar disorder its making it harder

[vvilla21]

Hello I am a nursing student currently with a program that has levels 1-4. I am currently in level 2 although I have been having trouble with this level. I have been diagnosed with bipolar depression along with boarder line personality disorder. I started level 2 in the spring of 2016 and the stress was driving me crazy (although at this time I was not diagnosed with my disorder only with depression and was not on the correct medication). I asked my school for an incomplete and they granted it because I have a lot of suicidal thoughts. Now I am correctly medicated and feel completely balanced. I am in nursing school again now but I am having a hard time getting comfortable in the program. I am completely terrified of everything I can't stop thinking about how embarrassing it would be if I did something wrong. My fear of failing or looking like a complete idiot is making me think that I can't do this. I feel like everyone is looking at me and judging me, and I love nursing so so so much its all Ive ever wanted to do. I just can't stop feeling like I'm going to mess up or do something wrong its on overwhelming feeling like I am going to be a complete failure. I don't know what to do and I don't even know if I should continue nursing. If anyone has any advice for me I would really appreciate it. I just don't know what to do I can't stop feeling like because of my incomplete I'm not good enough any more and I feel like if I do anything wrong everyone will judge me. please give me some advice i know I should care what anyone thinks but I can't stop my self I've been trying but its all that is on my mind.

[kaydensmom]

I was in the same position during school, I'm a RN now and struggle on and off still with the almost paranoid thoughts of judgement.Regularly seeing a psychiatrist and regularly going to counseling is what helps me. They help you change your way of thinking.

I will admit I'm going through a rough patch right now and it had started to interfere with my job because I get into a panic and become consumed by my inadequacy and feelings of judgement. I am going to weekly therapy appointments and my medication was changed. It is so frustrating because I get panicky at work which actually comes off as being an erratic acting spaz which gets people irritated with me and then that makes the thoughts worse. I know I need to calm down but can't.

Im sorry I don't really have an answer for you just hopefully some comfort that you are not the only one suffering with this. I have done well in school and in my career so it is possible. The key is staying on top of your mental illnesses and recognizing your body's signs that you may be heading in the wrong direction because for me things are not always good and I have had to have several medication changes.