Terms have been updated to fit today's times:

  1. Subject: Updated definitions

    Terms have been updated to fit today's times:

    CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer.

    CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer.

    BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake
    himself for a financial genius.

    BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the
    wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

    VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

    P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market
    keeps crashing.

    BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

    STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

    STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

    STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally
    between themselves.

    FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

    MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

    CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

    YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per

    WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo
    @ $240 per share.

    INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a

    PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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