Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

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This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated! speechless-smiley-040.gif

Of course he's not a nurse! :devil:

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

Specializes in Med Surg.
My boyfriend always asks me basic medical questions ie: whats an EKG for (when he went to the hospital) is this a high BP reading (for his mom) can I take half my allergy medication since it costs so much? Then once I give him the answer he immediately consults someone else!(who always says the same thing as me!) Because I'm "just an LPN"! No matter how many times I tell him i administer dangerous medications can inject things into ppl and I can start IVs he still thinks I "wipe old butt" all day. An RN however would be qualified...arrrggg!

I was also serious asked by someone who I went to school with (who has a Bachelors degree!!) Oh your an LPN? Did you go to school for that? ohhh cool how long a couple weeks?? No I think your thinking of a nurse aid dear! Nice to know that the general public discounts my year of busting my butt in school!

Been there, done that, got tons of t-shirts about it! Before I got my RN last year, I worked (briefly) with a nurse who also was an LPN-turned-BSN-RN that came through the hospital doors bragging about how she got her BSN in 2 years. Well woopty-do! She was hired in the ER because that's where she always wanted to be. Prior to this position, she had been an LPN in a nursing home for 10 years and apparently she forgot where she came from because she came into the hospital looking down her nose at me and the other LPNs...the skag! Anyway, she couldn't cut it in ER so they pulled her to the floor to "refresh her nursing skills" that everyone could see she never had. Once she was placed on the floor, she couldn't cut it there either....couldn't even start an IV; there was always some reason why: hard stick, combative, couldn't see or feel a vein, etc. Long story short, 3 months after walking in with her BSN nursing tote and her fast education, she was fired! Not hospital material. Not everybody is hospital material no matter how much they want it. My thing is, a person should be able to deliver the product that they are advertising for sale.

I love Geriatrics....absolutely adore the elderly and working with them. I'm in a hospital setting because I could not bare to watch the neglect that was taking place in the nursing home that I was in years ago. I reported it to the RN supervisor, the DON, and even the administrator and no one did anything about it. That was my last experience with nursing homes after I submitted my concerns in writing to the appropriate entity. Stay proud of being an LPN; LPNs gain experiences that RNs do not. I would not trade my 24 years of LPN for anything. In fact, I still renewed my LPN license this year even though I became registered last year. I earned both licenses and it WAS NOT easy. So I plan to keep them as long as I'm a part of the working crew.

Specializes in Peds.

Him: I had a fever last night.

Me: Really? How do you know?

Him: Well, my body felt dumb-hot, and I felt lightheaded. I was sweating bullets...and I was tired when I got home from work.

Me: Did u take your temp? All of those COULD be signs, but it doesn't mean you had one.

Him: I mean...no...but I felt fever-ish, so I must have had one.

Me: :rolleyes:

Specializes in Oncology/Haemetology/HIV.
My partner and I were discussing Pancreatic Cancer. He said, "If they remove the pancreas, then that would remove the cancer...I don't understand why MD's don't do that

I don't understand why either :rolleyes::rolleyes:

Must tell that to the MDs handling the brain cancer pts. What a novel idea.

"You did/saw/cleaned up what?"

:rolleyes:

Specializes in Med/Surg, DSU, Ortho, Onc, Psych.

From ex-fiancee after I dragged my carcass home after working 6 or 7 shifts in a row:

"DID YOU HAVE A HARD SHIFT MATEY?!"

What a totally insane, pathetic, STUPID question to ask a nurse!!

Specializes in Cardiac.

One day (when I used to work in the cath lab), my husband was sure from all my stories that he knew how to "talk like a doctor". So he called me up one day trying to pretend to be a doctor and asked me to schedule a patient for an angiogram (not bad so far huh)..... because his patient needed a splint put on his aorta (ohhhh so close!)

Specializes in LTC.

Ugh, my boyfriend had a couple high BP reading while at the Urgent Care, and I've been monitoring it a few times a day, just to see if we actually have a problem. Here's some of the crap I've heard, just today.

"OOOH! I saw it, it stopped at 40, my blood pressure is 90 over 40, I'm Ok, you don't know what you're doing" (Nope... nope it's 140 over 90, I stopped at 40 because I was done.)

"If you wouldn't yell so much, I wouldn't have high blood pressure. You are pressuring me. It's going to give me a hernia. (This after about the 14th time telling him to shush and be still so I could hear while taking his BP.

And the kicker...

"That's not right, I don't think you know what you're doing. Let's go to the grocery store and let the machine do it, or the doctor, you're just a nurse. " Cue NURSING RAAAAGE, and sleeping on the couch for YOU!

:mad::mad::mad::mad:

My mother-in-law said during her brother's cataract surgery, they took out his eyeball and layed it on his cheek to work on it.

I was once told by a friend that you ovulate more after a period, she learned this in the hospital after having her first baby. I worked in that hospital at the time and she would not listen to me when I tried to explain you only ovulate once a month. Still to I can not figure out what she meant by it...

Specializes in Geriatrics, Home Health.

My husband had to go to Urgent Care last week. Among other things, they gave him a script for ibuprofen 600 mg. We have ibuprofen 200 mg tabs at home, and when I told him he could take 3 of them, he said "That's not the same thing!"

My boyfriend's(soon to be husband's) grandfather is undergoing treatment for lung cancer and he recently had a doctors appointment. i texted my boyfriend to ask how it was going and he replied, "It's going great. The test results for his oxygen saturation study was 95%!" ....i just smiled and shook my head. lol

Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.
my husband had to go to urgent care last week. among other things, they gave him a script for ibuprofen 600 mg. we have ibuprofen 200 mg tabs at home, and when i told him he could take 3 of them, he said "that's not the same thing!"

he has a twin in pennsylvania! my husband discovered on a saturday morning that his ibuprofen 600 mg script had no more refills on it. he was going to call his doctor for a new script when i suggested he just take 3 200 mgs per dose until the office reopened on monday morning. his objection? "but you said one time that if the order called for a number of pills that seemed too many that the script was probably written wrong, and three pills at once just seems like too many!":eek: :nono:

me and my big fat mouth! :banghead::smackingf

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