Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

Nurses Humor

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Eastcoast24

10 Posts

Oooh I have another funny story... I had an elderly female patient who was suffering from active visual and auditory hallucinations, poor thing kept me entertained all night... At one point a coworker and I were cleaning her up and the pt looks at the other nurse with wide eyes and says, "Oh my! What are you going to do with all of those condoms!" We couldn't help it but we looked at each other and burst out laughing...

rph3664

1,714 Posts

Maybe that was a bit of revenge for all those nasty diapers she had to change?

Primie2

16 Posts

These stories are so funny. Glad I am choosing to become a nurse.

Pianist8

2 Posts

I recall a rather comical story from many years back.....An ederly woman who had recently been released from the hospital was a given a Rx for Phenergan suppositories for n/v. After a day or so she put in a call to the physician and when we returned her call she stated most sincerely,... " I am so sorry to bother you, but I am having trouble with the suppositories. I don't mind that they are so cold, but the foil part really scratches my rectum and hurts. Is there anyway the Dr. could prescribe a pill instead?" LOLOLOLOLO

***Because of this, I always remember that just because something might be common sense or seem logical to us in the nursing field; others, may see things completely differently!!!

Many years ago when I was a young nurse I was working the adult psyche floor well there was a man who liked a younger female patient on the unit, in order to keep them seperate we had to keep a strict eye on both of them at all times. Well upon doing rounds we looked for her and she was sitting in her room brushing her hair, but now we had to find the guy and we tore up the unit looking for him. Well I eventually went to his room and heard the shower going as I drew back the curtain there he was fully dressed with the shower on full blast and a cigarette in his mouth. well not thinking much more about it I shut the curtain and as I was walking back into his room I hear him rrply, Excuse me u gotta a light?" ONly in nursing :)

NurseLil

3 Posts

I have a couple funny stories...

Not too long ago I had an elderly male alcoholic, admitted with acute pancreatitis. He was on the alcohol protocol and had just had 10 mg Valium IV, and you absolutely couldn't keep him on the floor, so here he goes IV in his leg, tubing taped to his pants, downstairs to smoke singing "On the road again." Oh my word... :clown: You couldn't help but laugh.

Just last night I had a male pt. with schizophrenia. So, I'm at the nurses station when he comes over the call system and says "I need some help in here! I'm having a baby! I'm having a miscarriage!" I was like :hdvwl:yep, that my patient. Needless to say, I made sure he got his Lithium!

I was working eveing shift one day and thought I smelled smoke. Another nurse said I was crazy. Then we're walking down the hall and he say's I smell smoke. We run into the men's bathroom and there's a surgical pt lighting up still hooked to his IV pole. I said "you can't smoke inside the hospital. You have to go to the smoking area." The patient told me "I know, but it's cold and rainy outside. It's much warmer in here" as he was smiling. REALLY!!!

San2003

13 Posts

When I was a CNA we had a patient who passed away. Any who I was told the family was not coming in. The supervisor was going on a break and I told her I would watch for the funeral people and direct them on where to exit with the body. It was a 3-11 shift and it was about time to serve dinner we had residents all over the place. A man comes of the elevator dressed in a suit with a trench coat asking for the lady who had passed. I told him where she was and instructed him that he would need to bring his car to the rear entrance because it was about time to serve dinner and we could not clear the dining areas, he would have to take the body out the rear entrance. The man looked at me as though I was from Mars! Turns out he was the son and decided to stop by before she went to the funeral home. OMG Imagine someone telling you that you had to remove your mothers dead body and drive her to the funeral home yourself. I was so embarrassed I hid from that gentleman until I knew he was gone. It was awful!

I've spent the last few days reading these stories, so hilarious, some tragic.

I'm a third year student nurse in the uk. I also work for an agency linked to the NHS as a care assistant. I also had a job as a hca in a private nursing home, and when I was just 17 I had a job as a part time ward waitress at a private hospital. I've managed to get few stories over my short years, most of them are down to my own stupidity than things patients have done.

Here's a few tings that have stuck in my mind over the years.

  • While working as a ward waitress at the hospital, tere was a patient with a sign on the door saying warning, this patient bites. Being young and naive I believed the signs, and asked one of the older woman I worked with in the surgery if it was safe to go in. She went and told the patient, who asked to speak to me. I go in a bit apprehensive still, and she explains that she works in another section of the hospital and the signs were a practical joke by the other nurses. We had a good laugh, and every time she saw me after that she's snap her teeth at me. I ended up sneaking int her room fr chats when I had few free minutes, bringing in a tray of tea so we could have a quick drink.
  • While working in the nursing home a good few incidents happened. Just after I started at the home ~I had to take a month off becuase I cauht Glandular fever. After a few weeks of rest I was bored out of my skull and wanted to get back to work. I went to my GP for a final check, and told him I was going back to work, he advises against it as I could have an enkarged spleen, and a few of the residents were known aggressive. (He had seen scratches and bitemarks on me when I fist came to him with glandular) I decided to go back anyway, and the home put me on light duties as I was still easily tired. Second shift back I was assisting at lunch time, and was gently trying to take a spoon off of a resident because she was hitting anoher resident with it. Resident was not happy with this, so punched me in the gut so hard it winded me. Luckily I was ok but I've never seen the other staff move so quickly to my assistance.
  • Also at the home I used to work nights. I hated orking them as it was an old creepy manor house in the middle of no-where, and we had a habit of waching the late night horror film. I'm a very jumpy person, and horrors do nothing for my calmness. I was on my break, so ws sat in a chair half asleep listening to my ipod to block out the buzzers, and our lovlely confused patient, still mobile decides to sneak up on me. i look around and her fce is practically in mine. I screamed the home down.
  • While working on a word for the acency I was helping with the personal care of a bed bound patient with a trach, cath, the works. He was very over productive of 'chest gunk' (as I call it) but thankfully he could clear his chest very well. One time he coughed and a huge glob of gunk landed on my shoulder, missing the plastic apron I was wearing. I had a minor fit in the middle of the ward, as it is the one thing that makes me feel veryvery ill. someone else had to wipe my shoulder, and then find me a scrub top to wear, and also help me take my tunic off as i couldnt bear for it to touch me.
  • I have also noticed I something don't think before I speak. Was assising a patient by putting on TED stockings (For those who don't know they are the horrible anti-dvt socks most patients hav to wear in the hospital. These are the bane of my life, and I find it hard to put them on, no matter what trick I use. So I was tugging and pulling, and the patient looks at me and says 'you're enjoying this arnt you'. Without thinking I replied with 'Yes, I wrk up this morning thinking I just can't wait to put on (insert patient name here)'s ted stockings, it will just make my day' all I could hear from the other side of the curtain was the ward sister laughing at me.
  • Another time, as a student I was on a Gyne ward, about to give a clexane injection. Without thinking (Again) I said 'Ok, just a small prick and we'll be done' The patient looks at me barely able to stop giggling and replied : It's a small prick that got me into this mess thank you. (She was a early pregnancy, in for bad morning sickness)

I have a few other stories but thse are the ones that come to mind first.

Keep posting stories, they are fantastic

pamelalayn

45 Posts

The Doctor asks "Are you incontinent?"

Patient replies "No I'm from Yonkers"

mommaNoNurse

6 Posts

Normally I don't reply, I just read and laugh, but this wasn't funny :(.

iNurseUK, RN

348 Posts

Specializes in Plastics. General Surgery. ITU. Oncology.

I heard this tale from a lecturer on the Oncology course I am doing.

A sprightly old gentleman in his 70's came in for his pre-treatment assessment. During the course of this he was advised to use prophylactic protection if engaging in intimate relations with his wife as the treatment agents can linger in body fluids and are toxic.

The old gent turns up for his treatment and the nurse asks "So Mr X, was everything explained to you about your treatment?"

"Oh yes Nurse," says the chap "I've even got my condom on"

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