Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

nursey_girl · Mar 5, 2005

while prescepting a new OB nurse to our unit, we had the pleasure of taking care of a young asian woman who spoke little, if any english. Her husband remained at bedside as we got her to complete. Now to explain pushing! My orientee worked hard as are little asian squatted using a birthing bar. Our lil patient just stared at us obviously wore out. "poo poo", "doo doo", "hocky"!!! ..Over and over my lil orientee urged, complete with squatting and grunting gestures. Suddenly our patient leaned into her husband and whispered....To our amusement, the husband loudly exclaimed..."SHE SAY SHE HAVVA CHIT!!!!" ..."Yes", my orientee started jumping, and shouting..."CHIT..!!!CHIT!!!

Adam D. RN2005 · Mar 6, 2005

zoeboboey said:

Anybody notice this? I just read a post about a guy who cut himself while trimming pubic hair - then, at the bottom of the page, I saw half a dozen links for pubic hair trimming!

Yeah, I just noticed that too. How unexpected.

Orca, ADN, ASN, RN · Mar 6, 2005

I was working the brain injury unit of a rehabilitation hospital. I needed to start an IV on a male patient who spoke only Chinese. I was making no progress trying to explain to him by gestures what I needed to do. The patient was speaking to me, but I had no idea what he was saying. At that time his son, who spoke Chinese but also fluent English, arrived and he offered to help. He managed to explain the procedure to his father well enough that his father allowed me to start the line. I thanked the son, explaining that I spoke no Chinese. "It wouldn't matter if you did", the son explained. "He isn't making sense anyway."

danolden · Mar 6, 2005

The nursing home residents had a mysterious wave of headache complaints from only the ladies. It seems the complaints manifested following "relations" with their significant others. The mystery was solved when a shortage of Nitopaste was discovered. It seems the elderly lotharios found that spreading Nitropaste on their personal areas produced a significant, 'desirous' effect on previously malfunctioning instruments. They were unaware of the side effects that were transferred to their partners. They believed, individually, that the headaches were a result of their skills and passion.

einsteinsboi · Mar 6, 2005

OMG, these stories are hilarious. Makes me see a whole other side to Nursing. I am still a pre-nursing student wondering how I'll cope, so it's really done my heart good to see that there are light moments to it all.

Thanks all.

RN2001 · Mar 7, 2005

errantz said:

right out of nursing school, I had a pt with priapism(side effect from trazadone that his friend had given him to help him sleep).That was not a subject we had talked about much in nursing school. I was rather proud of myself when I figured out how to listen for bowel sounds without making either one (well, me...) of us more uncomfortable by my stethoscope being in the wrong place. I just switched hands to listen to the other side of the abdomen...
Last night, I said knock knock as I walked into a pt's room to retrieve an IV pump that was not in use,saw that his gown was up,sheets were down,and he was busy,which anyone else in the hallway could have seen as well, I just turned around, shut the door and went to the desk to call supply for an IV pump. I now know why his room mate spends so much time taking walks in the hallway.

I had a middle aged man who had had a foot amputation. Anyway, he had to be in the hospital for over a week, and apparently was missing his finance and their "relations." I walked in the see his fiance giving him "oral" care

Pill Hoarding Hussy · Mar 7, 2005

so, i had a heart failure pt. who had been on my floor for quite some time and was occaisionally confused. and when the CCU team rounds, they all come in the pt's room in a big crowd and like 5 of them have their steth on the pt at the same time. one day after rounds, the pt says to me: what do you call 8 dr.s all at the same time? i say i don't know. he says a DOCTORPUSS! and bursts out laughing. in the morning he had also taken to just yelling COFFEE! COFFEE! COFFEE! until someone came in to get him some. thinking about that, i really don't blame him...

DARLINGLILITH · Mar 10, 2005

I've been working on oncology and recently took care of a 43 y/o woman with brain metastases. She'd been growing steadily more ill and had all of her family surrouding her while she lay in bed. She couldn't see or hear well 'cause of tumor involvement and there were communication problems...... Anyway, she started calling out and her family called the nurses in. When two of us entered (in whites) she started calling out and waving us towards her, meanwhile telling her family members to back up. As we each came up on a different side of her bed she grabbed our hands and started telling us that she was ready to go. Me, not understanding, tried to reason with her and convince her that she wasn't in any shape to be walking. At that point she began telling her family members goodbye and that she loved them all dearly.....then told both of us that she was ready for the "angels of death" to take her away! Guess who the "angels" were?! I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry- better than the other patient (an older lady) who saw my charge nurse enter her room and screeched "Get back, b**** of death!"

Mister Chris, MSN, NP · Mar 10, 2005

Some years ago working as an RN at a very large and rather old fashionned psychiatric hospital, on a long stay psychogeriatric ward, I was sent to search for a patient overdue from one of her many walks. She was prone to be late on accasions but because she was "quite old and a frail" and the weather was getting cooler in the evenings now, someone would pop out and just help her along. I eventually found her walking back from the direction of the hospital church carrying (as was usual) her two plastic shopping bags with her few possessions in. She greeted me with a smile and as we both walked back to the ward together she told me she had just paid for her cigarettes and tobacco.

I had not been on this ward for very long but had been at the hospital for about five years working in locked wards and security at the other end of the vast complex. This lady was known by everybody on the grounds and the staff as the "bag lady". She was a 'bipolar' fairly well stabilised and in her early eighties.

I asked her how much did you pay for your cigarettes and she replied without any hesitation, "just one **** thats all!" I did not dare to ask her what she paid for the tobacco. :eek:

When we got to the ward the female deputy charge nurse welcomed her and took her for a shower and to get ready for the evening meal. Up to this point I had not mentioned the content of the conversation with our "bag lady".

Later that evening I asked the deputy what did "bag lady" mean when I asked what had she paid for her cigarettes, only to be answered that she always paid for her cigarettes and tobacco at the church, or in summer outside the back of the church, by doing certain favours for some of the other patients in the hospital - the older men!

(Going all the way was a whole packet of smokes and doing other things was by negotiation!)

I was informed that as she said, "She was doing it usually in church so it was all OK!" :eek: :eek:

I only became in total shock on the subject following a request on the following sunday from one of the staff - "if you are going up to the church to escort the patients to the service please would you check with the vicar if any of "bag lady's" knickers were there as she was getting very low on underwear again! :eek: :eek: :eek:

I am not so dumb now! That was very many years ago and I often wonder what became of the "bag lady" and her suppliers!

Crazy? But the truth.

:stone :imbar

Mister Chris :specs:

allnurses Guide · Mar 11, 2005

You should have seen the ads that popped up when the word gorilla was used once. :chuckle

zoeboboey said:

Anybody notice this? I just read a post about a guy who cut himself while trimming pubic hair - then, at the bottom of the page, I saw half a dozen links for pubic hair trimming!
I did notice once when some were posting about bipolar that the links/ads at the bottom of the page led to links on bipolar illness!

This must be a smaht computah program!

Would be interesting to kinda keep tabs on this - what kinds of links that might be found depending on what you post (wonder how "wild" they can get, ha ha!)

Rita Marie · Mar 11, 2005

trvlnRN said:

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other.
What's your story? :chuckle

While I was working at a VAMC this is an event that occurred and it never fails to make me snicker.

I was caring for a sweet and modest elderly man, who I will call John. And oh yes, John was very hard of hearing. John was pretty ill and he was having problems remaining continent, so we had an order to use condom catheters (Texas caths) on him in an attempt to keep him clean, dry and wound free.

As I went in to initiate the use of the condom, I was trying to clean him up so that he would be comfortable afterwards. John was a little resistant to having this care done, so I employed the assistance of another staff member. I was explaining that we were just cleaning him up, that he had been incontinent of urine and we were planning to put the condom cath on.

Well, John didn't hear me at first, so he kept trying to stop me from doing my work. I repeated myself a couple of times, each time getting louder and louder, fully aware that the sound of voices traveled well all over the nursing unit.

As I repeated myself for the last time, John looked at me like he was contemplating what I was saying and the looked up at me. I told him again "I'm was going to put the condom catheter on now." John just cocked his head and out drawled, "Well, what for...we aren't going to be having sex-ual intercourse?" :rotfl:

Of course I assured him that we wouldn't be, but this would help him stay clean and dry. Then after I left the room, I busted up laughing. I laughed all night long it was so funny!

tweetysue · Mar 12, 2005

While working in as a home health nurse, I was visiting a somewhat confused little old (92) lady sp CABG whose incision hadn't healed and was open to the sternum. It was summertime, in Florida, which means hot and humid. This lady had her house completely closed up and the air conditioning turned off - it was like walking into a sauna - well over 105 degrees!!! She was wearing a long sleeved, floor length flannel nightgown!! When I asked her if she wasn't a little to warm, she said "No, actually I'm a little cold. Could you bring me my robe?". It's funny now, but at the time, I thought I was going to melt by the time I got her incision cleaned, repacked, and dressed.

On another day, actually an evening visit just as it was getting dark, she took one look at me, shouted something unintelligible, and ran out the front door. I found her hiding in the bushes - she wouldn't come out and was taking swings at me and her husband when we tried to pull her out. I left hoping my absence would allow her to calm down. I went to a nearby phone booth (this was before cell phones) and called her house several times. Eventually she settled down and her hubby was able to talk her back into the house. Doctor admitted her to a nursing home after that.

I can just imagine what the neighbors thought when they heard us yelling (very loudly as she was hard of hearing) and saw us crawling around in the bushes - I'm amazed no one called the police!!!:rotfl: