Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

Nurses Humor

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Hygeia79

21 Posts

Specializes in surgical nursing, trauma nursing.

He was an old man...He had an operation about colon cancer...He came from ICU to colorectal unit at one my night shift. At 3 am, ı went to look him, there are lots of machines for him, so there are lots of cables and he had lots of drains, he was tangled around with cables, ı thought he was sleeping, and ı tried to put in order them without wake him up. ı struggle for this aproximately half an hour. Fınally ı succeed in. :uhoh3: Suddenly he opened his eyes, ıt seems he wasnt sleeping, he start to laugh, he said ' being nurse is so trouble...I became mad :angryfire

Diary/Dairy, RN

1,785 Posts

Emmanuel Goldstein said:
Reminds me of a story a co-worker told us (he swore it was true LOL) of a woman who came into the ER, leaned over the desk and started crying "GET IT OUT!"

Apparently she'd placed a vibrating 'egg' inside her earlier that night, couldn't get it out and she "COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!"

The triage nurse told her to calm down, they'd get it and besides, the batteries would soon wear out.

The patient cried out, "BUT THEY'RE COPPER-TOPS!!"

:lol2:

LOL!!!!!!!! How Funny!!

This story comes from my mother, a very straight-laced, conservative, Christian woman. A man comes into the ER following a romantic interlude, apparently set up without his knowing by his ex-wife. The woman had handcuffed his good side (had had a CVA), placed 30 or so keychain rings around his member and then left him. He was found much later by his sister who brought him to the ER. Apparently, the head of his member was about the size of a fist and the man was unable to urinate!! He had to have the rings cut off by security with a bolt cutter!

OWWW!

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
tryingtomakeit said:
When I was doing home health, I had a patient who was very demanding and could be outright rude at times. At one point she had a terrible stomach virus which made her a daily patient for a while - of course I got stuck with her while she was daily. One morning I went in and she was sitting at the kitchen counter looking positively green around the gills. I said, "***, Are you alright?" She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Hell NO! That Dr. is going to have to do something about these damn pills he gave me. They are too big to swallow and I have to cut them in half, and to top it all off, they are slimy and make me gag when I try to get them down!!" I nearly died laughing when I realized that the "pills" were glycerin suppositories ...

Bwaaaa, ha ha ha ha:rotfl::rotfl:

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:Very good one!

I arrived in ICU as an old nurse, but in a new position. Learning about the important first of pee and the second about ABG's. Knowing if I am to survive a knowledge and understanding of ABG's is necessary. I headed for the blood gas machine to print ABG's for home time, I pushed a button that said print all, ha - ha, the months supply of ABG's came rolling out and out and out. I did manage to stop the printing but as I ventured back a while later, they were still printing for another nurse. I quickly left the area!

Anjann, RN

135 Posts

Specializes in M/S/Ortho/Bari/ED.

I had a 91 year old lady come through the ED a couple days ago with SBO and dementia. The only two things she would say were "Peter Peter PUMPKIN EATER!" and the one sentence she new in spanish that she would whip out on the Doctor and make him start stumbling through spanish until her family could explain that she was not hispanic and had picked up the sentence somewhere like a Mina Bird and wouldn't stop saying it. I had to bust out laughing, couldn't help it!

AZcardiacRN

10 Posts

Specializes in Cardiac, Med/Surg.

This actually just happened on Friday- As part of my orientation process, I went to a dialysis lab to observe the RNs and the hemodialysis patients. A few hours into one of the patient's dialysis treatments, a team of MDs came in to talk to a patient about what other procedures he would need to have done before he could be discharged. The patient lying there with two large catheters and a huge dialysis machine attached to him nodded as the doctors mentioned several procedures. One medical student standing in the front proudly added "you are also scheduled for hemodialysis sometime today." I couldn't help but smile and laugh in my head as I watched the group of doctors all turn to the med student who was completely oblvious to the fact that the patient was receiving dialysis at that very moment. It made me almost happy to see that although the hospital can be a very fast-paced, intimidating environment, everyone makes mistakes and learns from them.

:lol2:

P.S. This is my first post- I'm brand new to the world of forums :)

fizz2Nurse

59 Posts

so I get this lady the other night with terrible abdominal pain, she's a frequent flier and she's been in for two days while they figure out whats wrong.

She's got a foley and a colostomy and most all of the large bowel is gone. The CT and paracentisis revealed a very large pocket of fluid in the belly that they drained >2L and positive for fungus and candida etc

Anyway she's on dilaudid 2mg q2 and oxycontin 40mg TID and it ain't touching the pain.

So I'm talking to her and she wants to go to the bathroom. I'm like ????

You have a colostomy and a foley.... she was insistent.

Just as we're on the third go round of why she wants to go to the bathroom I notice the smokes in her robe pocket and I say "Hey you can't be smoking in here"

She says "I'm not smoking them, I tear the filters off and eat them, both packs per day"

awwwwwwww My tummy hurts! :uhoh3:

Anyway, we took the smokes away and the problem went away... she went AMA.

As I said, problem went away.:lol2:

PEACE1

17 Posts

Specializes in TRAUMA/MED SURG/HOMECARE.
ruby vee said:
remember geriatric chairs? we used to posey our wanderers into a geri chair for the day. only ours didn't have brakes, and one old guy named juan used to be able to push himself around the unit with his tippy toes. backward. we'd put him out by the nurse's station on busy days, and everyone would sort of keep an eye on him -- even the house staff who all knew him well.

one particularly busy day, there were two codes going on at once and everyone was involved with one or the other of them. juan scooted himself off the unit in his geri chair, and was found at the doorway to the firestairs trying to get the door open. the nursing supervisor brought him back. the next time, a patient's family member went to get the unit secretary, who pulled an na out of a code to bring juan back. the third time, a harvard medical student encountered the nice old man posey'd into a geri chair trying to open the door to the stairs. I'm sure he thought he was being helpful when he opened the door for the juan and held it for him.

the next day when I came back to work, juan was poseyd in a geri chair wearing a cast over his entire torso and both shoulders. the toes still worked fine, though. I was determined not to have a repeat accident on my shift, so the na and I poseyed juan into the chair, and tied the chair to the sink in his room. the first sign that that may not have been a wise choice was when there was a loud crash followed by the sounds of gushing water and a flood pouring out of juan's room. by the time I got there, juan was propelling himself backward out of his room, dragging the sink. the housekeepers were not amused. nor were the plumbers!

after that, we tied the chair to the handrail in the halls -- you know -- the ones patients are supposed to hang on to as they ambulate in the halls. another poor decision. the rail wasn't attached to anything but dry wall . . . and following another loud crash (and some excited shouting) we found juan propelling himself down the hall dragging the railing and a large chunk of dry wall. the carpenters were not amused. nor was the couple in the room on the other side of the dry wall . . . they were engaging in some long-postponed marital relations when juan's removing a chunk of drywall exposed them to the entire unit!

sadly, juan's trip down the stairs backward ultimately caused his demise. he got a pressure sore under his cast, became septic, went into septic shock and arrested. we couldn't saw him out of the cast fast enough to start CPR in a timely fashion . . .

WOW!, iam so shock at soemoen finding this story funny, this is not just sad, but upseting, how many things did you guys do wrong, all along until th epoor guy, die,or got killed, my god, all thi things taht werre doen tells me this si a shity place to be in, I hop ethere wasnt a nurse involved, I guess there is no guidelines, that you guys can remember, safety issues here, how can you tie someone to a sink,a dn a wall after all, my god, I hope you gusy got sued for this, becaus ethis is negligence rigt5h there, my god, iam in schock , really. don't think is funny at all, really

jar12

1 Post

Hello everyone!

I'm your new member here.. I haven't updated my profile yet, i just got so excited to see all the funny stories here..Thanks a lot! It helps me forget for a while my fears to the upcoming release of Nursing Board Exam taken last june 10-11.. I'm really nervous! Im crossing my fingers!!!

Have a nice day everyone!

twinkle_ears

7 Posts

Specializes in telemetry, med/surg, hospice, long term.

This is my first reply but after being up all night reading this thread it made me remember a couple of funny stories that happened to me so I had to share.

During my clinicals while still in school I was assigned a pt that was going for a BKA due to a wound that had become necrotic. I was very excited as I got to go into surgery with her to watch. All went well and she returned to the floor. The next day I was assigned observation in same day surgery and was talking with the nurse manager she asked what I had gotten to do during my clinical rotation very confident I explained the previous day I had seen a BKA due to a nephrotic ulcer. The anesthesiologist was sitting next to us and had obviously been listening looked up with this very puzzled look on her face and said do you mean necrotic? I was mordified. Needless to say I never forgot necrotic again.

After getting my first job in LTC I had a pt that was actively dying I had no idea what to do so I went to the CN and explained that the pt in room so and so was molting. She looked at me and said "like a bird?" I had a strange look on my face and said no like when their skin becomes discolored purple. I couldn't believe this women was a CN and didn't know what molting was. She politely informed me to call the MD and let him know the pt is "mottling". Never forgot that word either.

And finally this didn't actually happen to me. A nurse I worked with at this same LTC facility comes out of a pt room laughing out loud. She comes to the nurses station and says that she was disimpacting "Mary" a very pleasantly confused dementia pt whos husband had passed away many years ago. The nurse states that every time she went to remove stool that Mary would yell "Oh George", her late husbands name. Finally the nurse had to explain that she was not George. Mary turned her head slightly to look at the nurse and stated "I know George would never do me this way." I am no longer at this facility but every time I have a bad day I think of this story and it makes me laugh.

greensister

57 Posts

Hi Twinkle Ears

its funny how words get mis--quoted. There were always lots of variations on "catheter" from "cafeteria" to "cataract"! Not to mention "incontinence"-- incompetent, incontinental and inconsequent!

Just thought you may appreciate a funny story from Australia. I am an RN in ICU in a major hospital. We had a rather large (about 6ft tall and 18 stone (160lbs)) 48 year old male patient with a wild beard and long hair who was a labourer on vineyards and orchards. He had an MI whilst pruning a tree and his friend with him did not know how to administer CPR but at least he had the common sense to call the ambulance who took a little over 8 minutes to get to the scene and a short time to get equipment ready before commencing treatment. The patient had to be shocked several times before a rhythm was re-established. On the ambulance record there was a quote from the pt's friend that our incoming liked to "party hard !!!". He was known to be a big drinker and used regular large amounts of assorted recreational drugs.

We did not know whether he had suffered a hypoxic insult because no-one was sure just how long he had been pulseless so when he came to us from ED he had been tubed and sedated using Propofol and Fentanyl/Midazolam. All his receptors must have loved the drugs but he was barely sedated at a rate of 20ml/hr Propofol & 15ml/hr Fent/Midaz.

He would drift in and out of a drowsy state continuously. When he was awake he was confused and disorientated and would constantly try and climb out of bed. As a result he was soft shackled to the bed, the knee break of the bed was raised, the head of the bed was raised to max and the bed was inclined backwards to make it extremly difficult for him to lift himself up or get his legs out of the bed.

I looked after him for two night in a row. No amount of reorientating would convince him he was in hospital and he needed to stay in bed under our care because he had had an MI. "No I haven't,......I was there!!!" he yelled. Anyway he went off to lala land for another few minutes after a purge of Propofol. Another waking moment saw him stir, try to raise himself up to get out of bed, fail, look around bewildered and say at the top of his voice, " Geeeezuz I musta had a hard night last night!!!"

Man I nearly fell of my chair I laughed so much. I still think it's funny several months later. He was a lucky man though. Several days later I saw him again and he had made a brilliant recovery. Hope you enjoy my tale. I will post some others at a later date. Bye for now.

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