Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

GolfNut · May 13, 2006

errantz said:

right out of nursing school, I had a pt with priapism(side effect from trazadone that his friend had given him to help him sleep).That was not a subject we had talked about much in nursing school. I was rather proud of myself when I figured out how to listen for bowel sounds without making either one (well, me...) of us more uncomfortable by my stethoscope being in the wrong place. I just switched hands to listen to the other side of the abdomen...
Last night, I said knock knock as I walked into a pt's room to retrieve an IV pump that was not in use,saw that his gown was up,sheets were down,and he was busy,which anyone else in the hallway could have seen as well, I just turned around, shut the door and went to the desk to call supply for an IV pump. I now know why his room mate spends so much time taking walks in the hallway.

These are too funny, so this guy was experiencing priapism and you were able to still do your job......LOL

daisey_may · May 19, 2006

I am still a nursing student, I will be an RN next year at this time. I am 18 years old, but I look much younger than that. I often get the "are you old enough to be here" when I am doing clinicals at the hospital. I have people ask me that I'm 12 all the time, but I know I don't look any younger than 14 or 15. Anyway, I was helping an older gentleman get up to the shower who wasn't my patient. I came into his room with the nursing student who's patient it was and the gentleman made a comment about my age. Soon, an older male nursing student came in and helped, too. The gentleman kept talking about how I could be old enough to be his granddaughter and while he started talking to the older male nursing student, the gentleman kept making comments about my age. He and the male nursing student were sharing jokes and the patient had a few off-color jokes that he wanted to share. He asked me if I would leave because he didn't feel right telling them in front of someone who looked like his granddaughter. Thinking he was joking, I just laughed and continued on my tasks, but after a second look I realized he was serious. I was a little embarressed but I gave John, the male student nurse a look and left. It was his right to ask me to leave if he was uncomfortable. I have actually encountered this a few times where patients don't necessarily think I'm competent because I look so young, but I try to remain as professional as possible. But John came out later and told me if I was truly offended, he'd tell me the jokes they shared, but we just shared the story with the other nursing students and my clinical instructor and we laughed and joked about it and references were made to it a few times throughout the semester.

rn_imw · May 20, 2006

Before my back was injured, I had a wonderful 16 year diversified career....did a little bit of everything from Floor Nursing/E.R./Travel Nursing and Hospice. One "funny" story that I always think of is when I was a new nurse we had this sweet woman who had Dementia. This sweet woman was also a retired Nurse. We had to watch her like a Hawk as she would go from patient to patient and attempt to take out their IVs because she was "helping them"........I can't help but laugh thinking of this....Who knows when we retire what we might be like? *smiles* Here's to the Nursing Career and ALL the Nurses that give so much, yesterdays, todays and tomorrows!

bigtex · May 20, 2006

I had an alzhiemers Pt who I had taken care of for about two years. She was funny. Well anywho, one day before our staff meeting she came up to me and said are you ready to go honey..puzzled I said well first I have to go to the meeting, but where are we going. She just looked at me and says, you big dummy, on our honeymoon. I said when did we get married? She said well the minister just left and told us to get going. I told her that I was married and my wife worked here. (she really did she is also a nurse) She looked at me and said: Why would you marry me if you were already married. Well I talked with her for about 5min and thought I had her conviced that we werent married. I go to the meeting which is every employee in the building. I am standing at the back of the room. The adminstrator is in mid sentence when she walks into the room looking around. She says excuse me im looking for my husband. Ammused my adm. says well you can go get him. She walks right up next to me and locks arms with me and says lets go honey. I am so red at this point and everyone is laughing at me. It took about an hour and her meeting my wife to convince her that we where not married. She died shortly after that and I will never forget her.:monkeydance:

bigtex · May 20, 2006

One more and this is for all nursing students. My first semister in the LTC i had a younger man who had M.S. Well not knowing how to do anything, but very eager to learn, I just jump right in there( I had never been in any kind of medical or nursing facility at this point). Of course anytime I asked the nurse or cna a ? they really didnt give up to much info about how or what to do. Anyways I lifted this 190lbs man 2days a week probably 10 times a day. I had noticed on the end of the bed a bar the first time I went in and thought to my self why the hell would somebody put that bar there, its just in the way. Well the last day of clinicals I had enough of picking this man up by myself because when I would lift him he would just pick his legs up off the floor. I went and got the nurse and said Look I need help with this man, He doesnt help me at all. With a crap grin on her face (she knew that I had been lifting this man all semister) she said come with me. When we walked in the room he also had the same grin on his face. The nurse rolled him up to the bar that was always in the way and said, stand up. I'll be darned if that man didnt stand up without any assist. Be carefull, Its true that nurses eat their young, and if you see something that doesnt make sense, ASK.

opal1266 · May 23, 2006

the funniest thing happened to me when i was a newly qualified RGN, i was mentoring two first year student nurses on their second placement, a patient who i will call Jack had unfortunately passed away earlier that morning. i askedmy students to perform last offices,explaining that Jacks wife was on her way and wanted to see Jack before he went to Rose cottage, i asked the students to make him look as natural as possible, I meant put his teeth in and remove the catheter etc. unfortunately it seems as if i was a little too literal, the students came and told me they had finished, i went into Jacks room to find the students had dressed him in his 3 piece brown tweed suit, sat in him the chair, put his glasses on and put a newspaper on his knees. :uhoh3: he certainly looked natural but it wasn't quite the look i was aiming for:smackingf

MoggyUK · May 24, 2006

Hi there, I am new to this forum, I have just read this fantastic book that is a true collection of funny stories from a nurse here in the UK. I am a nurse myself and it was great reading, I cannot stop laughing. I would certainly recommend it to anyone in the healthcare system or who has been a patient. The book is called Nurse, Nurse! and the author is Lucy Samuels. The book has only just been released and is currently only available via the publisher or via the author on Ebay (where I brought mine). MoggyUK

Cheez-It! · May 30, 2006

I work 7p-7a in a psych unit ... it's never a dull night. Last week, one of the residents come to the nurses' station, and started whispering about his hemorrhoids. He asked if i could let the short bald doc know he needed something for his hemorrhoids. I faxed our shourt bald medical director a quick note:

"Dr. Q, "John" wants me to ask the short bald guy if he can have something for his hemorrhoids."

A few hours later I got a fax in reply:

"Tell "John" that hemorrhoid cream makes your hair fall out."

I thought it best not to put this one in the residents chart. :roll

jennpei · Jun 7, 2006

A coworker was telling me she had a post op patient asking her, How will I know when the gas in my belly is low enough to pass? Her reply, you will fart!!!!!

jenny031 · Jun 8, 2006

I was working on an ortho floor one night about 7 years ago and the call bell went off. I answered it and got some garbled reply, so I went to check it out. Ther was a elderly fellow in nothing but his tighty whities, with a little pot belly, sitting cross-legged on the bed. I was trying not to laugh and trying to figure out what he was saying at the same time. He had his hand up to his mouth and his speech was garbled and I could tell he was saying, "I've got something stuck in my throat!" When I got closer I could see he had his uvula between his finger and this thumb, pulling for all he was worth! I nearly lost it! I couldn't believe how long it was and that he had managed to get a hold of it! I made him stop for a second, his uvula literally was laying on his tounge, then he reached in again and started to pull it, "Get it out!" he said. I was hopeless I that point, he wouldn't stop. I went to enlist the others.

danissa, LPN, LVN · Jun 9, 2006

LoriAlabamaRN said:

At the physical rehab inpatient center I used to work at, we had a post-brain injury patient I'll call "Bill." Now, anyone who has ever taken care of a TBI knows they go through a sexually inappropriate phase. Well, Bill was there. I was charting, and had him at the nurse's station in his wheelchair so I could keep my eye on him (that day he had called 911 from his room and stated he was being held as a sex slave). Anyhoo, a sweet elderly patient's sweet elderly wife was visiting him after church that day (this was a Sunday) with their 2 year old grandson. The 2yo was in a suit and tie, just as adorable as anything you've ever seen. The 2yo had gotten feisty, so Grandma put him in Grandpa's empty wheelchair and rolled him out into the hall, right in front of where Bill and I were sitting. I said "Aawww, look at the little gentleman." Grandma smiled and said, "How do you like my new boyfriend?" and smiled at the 2yo. Bill pipes up loudly with "Yes ma'am, that's the way I like 'em, young, dumb, and full of c*m!" :imbar :stone (hey at least he rhymed.) I know I turned beet red- I was sooo embarrassed. Grandma quietly but quickly spun the wheelchair with the kid in it back around, reentered Grandpa's room, and closed the door.
Soooooo embarrassing. (Funny now though!)

Lori

lori in this age where we are so aware of child abuse, it's not so funny!! Perhaps your TBI was unaware but this still strikes a creepy cord.

santhony44, MSN, RN, NP · Jun 15, 2006

When I was an LPN student, many years ago, we did our initial clinicals at the local VA hospital. I remember one patient, not totally alert and oriented, who had been NPO for several days (I don't remember why) though he had an IV. The IV fluid had a vitamin additive which colored it yellow. Anyway, one morning the nurse walked into the room to find blood all over the floor. The patient, who had been begging for something to drink, had bitten his IV tubing in half and was drinking the fluid from the tubing still attached to the bag. He was oblivious to the remainder of the tubing, which was still attached to the needle in his vein (thus the blood). His comment was that the fluid "wouldn't be too bad if they'd put lemon in it!" As he had no adverse effects from ingesting the fluid- most of a liter- he was put on clear liquids.

That was "back in the day" and at that time, the VA patients had two menu choices: take it or leave it. Everyone basically got the same thing. One gentleman, who as fully alert and oriented, kept telling the floor nurses that he was going to get a pizza, and did they want some? Of course they "went along" with his joking and said yes. You could see the Pizza Hut down the street from his window. Anyway, the nurses thought he was joking until he brought them a pizza! He'd left the hospital in his VA-issue jammies and robe, walked down the street, ordered and ate his own pizza, and brought one back for the nurses.

I also remember seeing the med cart come from the pharmacy with a six-pack of Bud on top (for kidney stones). The same floor kept a bottle of Jack Daniels in a drawer at the desk, for the little men who couldn't sleep without their toddies.