MEMORANDUM *This darn near had me rolling on the floor* THIS IS TOO FUNNY!!!!! - page 2

Addendum to the employee handbook. TO: ALL EMPLOYEES SUBJECT: SICK LEAVE POLICY SICKNESS: No excuse...We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof. We believe that if you are... Read More

  1. by   emily_mom
    Originally posted by MomNRN
    Somebody sent me a longer version of that. It is very funny. I will have to see if I can find it.
    I believe that was me....if I find it I will repost (too lazy now).
  2. by   Darlene K.
    Sounds like my work place!

  3. by   judy ann
    Another Memo:

    To : All Hospital Staff
    From: Administration/Groundskeeping
    Subject: New Cost Cutting Measures

    Effective immediately, this hospital will no longer provide security. Each charge nurse will be issued a .38 caliber revolver and 12 rounds of ammunition. An additional 12 rounds will be stored in pharmacy. In addition to routine nursing duties, Charge Nurses will rotate the patrolling of the hospital grounds. A bicycle and helmet will be provided for patrolling the parking areas. In light of the similarity of monitoring equipment, ICU will now takeover the security surveillance duties. The unit secretary will be responsible for watching cardiac and security monitors as well as continuing previous secretarial duties.
    Food service will be discontinued. Patients wishing to be fed will need to let their families know to bring something or may make arrangement with Subway, Pizzahut, etc for delivery at meal time. Coin operated telephones will be available in the patient rooms for this purpose as well as for other calls the patients wish to make.
    Housekeeping and Physical Therapy will be combined. Mops will be issued to those patients who are ambulatory, thus providing range of motion exercises as well as a clean environment. Families and ambulatory patients may also sign up to clean the rooms of non-ambulatory patients for special discounts from their bill. Time cards will be provided.
    As you see on the "from" lline above, hospital administration is assuming the groundskeeping duties. If an administrator cannot be reached by calling his/her office, it is suggested that you walk outside and listen for the sound of a lawnmower, weed-whacker, etc.
    Engineering is being eliminated. The hospital has subscribed to the Time-Life "How to..." series of maintenance books. These books can be checked out from administration, and a toolbox will be standard equipment on all nursing units. We will be receiving the series at a rate of one volume every other month. We already have the volume on Basic Wiring, but if a non-electrical problem occurs, please try to handle it as best you can until the appropriate volume arrives.
    Cutbacks in phlebotomy staff will be accommodated by only performing blood-related lab tests on patients who are already bleeding.
    Physicians will be informed that they may order no more than 2 X-rays per patient stay. This is due to the turn around time required by Photomat. Two prints will be provided for the price of one, and physicians are being advised to clip coupons from the Sunday paper is they want extra sets. Photomat will also honor competitors coupons for one hour processing in emergency situations, so if you come across any extra coupons, please clip out and send these to ER.
    In light of the hot summer temperatures, Central City Light Company has been asked to install individual meters in each patient room, office,etc., so that electrical consumption can be monitored and appropriately billed. Fans will be available for sale or lease in the hospital gift shop.
    In addition to current recycling programs, a bin for collection of unused fruit and bread will be provided on each floor. Families, patients, and the few remaining employees are asked to contribute discarded produce. Pharmacy will utilize this for production of antibiotics. These antibiotics will be available for purchase and coincidentally, soon will be the only antibiotics available in our hospital formulary.
    Last edit by judy ann on Feb 21, '03