I've been thinking.....

  1. Never raise your hands to your kids.
    It leaves your groin unprotected.

    Do you think illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

    I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

    They show you how detergent takes out bloodstains. I figure if you've got a tee shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

    I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

    I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

    I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

    I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older - then it dawned on me - they were cramming for their finals!

    You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"

    I' ve thought about those employment applications and that blank that always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write . . . Good Doctor!

    I've always wondered why they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do .. . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?

    I thought about being rich and it don't mean so much Just look at HenryFord, all those millions and he never owned a Cadillac!

    If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?

    I wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?

    I wonder if Adam ever said to Eve, "Watch it! There are plenty more ribs where you came from!"

    I have decided that Nostalgia is the VCR of our minds.

    I have noticed when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you put him in a car he sticks his head out the window!

    Also: You have to fight to give a dog a bath, yet they'll sit out in
    the rain for hours on end.

    I'm not into working out! My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

    Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

    I think the reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

    I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets
  2. Visit bandaidexpert profile page

    About bandaidexpert

    Joined: Mar '02; Posts: 325; Likes: 3
    MDS Coordinator, CWS

    5 Comments

  3. by   Zee_RN
    "I'm not into working out! My philosophy: No pain, no pain. "


    LOL!!! I **knew** I had a reason!!!
  4. by   BadBird
    I LOVE it, especially the one about husbands picture on beer cans, LOL!!!!!!!!!
  5. by   FIREFLY89
    lol!!!! I'm new here so now i know where to go for a giggle
    after the insane asylum we call work (pain??). Am going to put more locks on my doors to confuse the landlord!!!!
  6. by   aus nurse
    :chuckle Thanks bandaidexpert....very funny
  7. by   Motivated, SN
    I needed a good laugh. Thanks!

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