Health Question & Answer Session


    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is
    this true?

    A: Your heart is good for only so many beats, and that's it...
    don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out
    eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live
    longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car
    by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and

    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow
    eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a
    steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of
    delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat
    chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
    vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
    recommended daily allowance of vegetable product

    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled
    wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so
    you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also
    made out of grain. Bottoms up!

    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio
    is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to
    one, etc.

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a
    regular exercise program?

    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is:
    No Pain = Good.

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in
    vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could
    getting more vegetables be bad for you?

    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft
    around the middle?

    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
    You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

    A: Are you crazy? HELLO ..... Cocoa beans ... another
    vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

    A: Hey! "Round" is a shape!

    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may
    have had about food and diets. And remember:

    Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention
    of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but
    rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand -
    strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally
    worn out, and screaming -

    "WOO HOO! What a Ride!"
  2. Visit RN-PA profile page

    About RN-PA

    Joined: Jan '02; Posts: 1,178; Likes: 21
    Staff Nurse; from US
    Specialty: Med-Surg, Long Term Care


  3. by   webblarsk
    Love it!
  4. by   sharann
    LOVE it!
  5. by   Antikigirl
    I loved this so much that I printed it off for my MD visit today just to make him laugh!!!!!!!!!

    I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I will have the last statement put on my gravestone!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!
  6. by   Kingbandit
    I just talked to my HMO they are more than willing to allow and pay for a RUE-N-y SURGERY but they will not under any circumstance pay for any weightloss program. They say it does not last. $4800 vs $1200 what the F**K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire