Funny things patients say !

Nurses Humor

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While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any pain. An x-ray revealed a femur facture and the orthopedist was called. It was quite a long wait and I heard the patient call out "nurse come in here". I went to her and she asked me to get her up into her wheelchair, I explained to her that her leg was broken and she needed to stay in bed. She replied very seriously "only one of them is broken I can still scoot around in my chair now get me up out of this bed!"

when i was working in a LTC facility over the summer, one of the residents i worked with was quite the smarty...she had a IDC but would ask about every 15 minutes to go to the bathroom. so i would get her up and take her...every 15 minutes...finally i asked her why she always had to go the bathroom when she had an IDC. she told me that she had to pass gas. when i tried to explain that she could do that in her chair and no one would know, she explained to me that she "couldn't sit on the bubble"!!!!! :rolleyes:

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A 650 lb patient explained her obesity this way. "My Daddy had thyroids, and I do to."

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While in the stepdown one of my patient's IV pumps started beeping & displaying a "BAG NEAR EMPTY" warning.

My patient said, "'Bag near empy.' What does that mean?"

I replied, "That the bag is near empty."

We both looked at each other like the other one had 3 heads. I still chuckle when I think about that.

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Specializes in geriatrics, dementia, ortho.

I work in a dementia facility, and one of my residents asked "How much older than me are you?" (I'm 28, she's in her eighties). I answered that I wasn't sure, but I'm 28 now, how about you? She replied that she's 13 and 28 is really old. ;) Very cute!

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An older guy that tends to yell at all the staff and refuses to eat and take his meds constantly... decided he likes me.. So when I feed him he eats his whole meal..except one thing...his ensure milkshake...when I told him hes "sooo close to finishing everything except his milkshake" his response was, "I dont like that shi*, it gives me the runs". I couldnt help but laugh...I said, "Yah... I dont like that either"

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Specializes in Med Surg, Home Health.

I work in an Assisted Living Facility, and was giving meds to one particularly sweet and gracious older lady. She wanted to know what pills I was giving her. She correctly ID'ed one by herself and pointed to the other one. "Now that one, I can never remember what it's for."

It was Aricept/Donezepil! I told her that was exactly what it was for, and we both busted up laughing:lol2:

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I had a patient with only one leg who kept trying to get out of bed without his prosthesis. Found him in a heap on his mat one more time. He goes, "Before you say anything maam, I did not fall. It was a controlled landing."

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(Nurse asking admission questions) " So what brought you in today sir?"

(patient) " The ambulance"

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Specializes in LTC.

My husband's great-grandma(85) made this statement: "You know my old friend has grand mal disease (she meant grand mal seizure). Why don't I have it? I'm a grandma!"

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Specializes in Cardiac/Step-Down, MedSurg, LTC.

I had a female patient come onto the floor with a Dx of constipation. Admitting/overnight hospitalist came up to attempt to do a manual disimpaction of the patient, I was there at the bedside. MD is doing his best, but Pt. is confused and in pain. She starts saying "No, NO! Stop it, no! You can do that to a man, but you can't do that to a woman!"

I was trying so hard to not LMAO at the bedside.

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Patient came to us from OR and still had a grounding pad on. When we turned her I told her I was going to take it off and she started screaming "No!! Put that thing back on!! My doctor put that on me!!" Nothing I could do to convince her it had outlived its usefulness and needed to go. Sure enough, when the family came in, here comes her daughter to the desk to complain that her mother's nurse pulled off "a big old pad the doctor put on" and it needed to be replaced as soon as possible.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, DSU, Ortho, Onc, Psych.

I wear navy blue pants, navy blue nursing shoes and a crisp, white nurses uniform with some blue piping around the collar. I also wear my ID badge saying 'Registered Nurse' plus other paraphernalia, have my hair up, a little make-up, nothing too pretentious to try and look like a professional.

I introduced myself to this old guy one day, saying I will be your nurse today, who then looked at me and said: "Are you SURE you're a nurse?"

I felt like saying: "Oh no sir! I just dress this way on my days off to fool people!!"

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