It's not my job to pray with you.

Nurses Spirituality

Published

You are reading page 4 of It's not my job to pray with you.

OCNRN63, RN

5,978 Posts

Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
Well for one it's a very prestigious university that will no doubt open many doors for me. And I was never exposed to religion as I am now at this school, most of my classmates are all Catholics and alway wants to pray before study time or to take an exam, so I just go with it. But I never felt this uncomfortable around religion until I came to this school, and now I'm just suffocating in it. There is even a cathedral a walk ways from my dorm. You just can't get away from it.

Well, yeah, I think you should have known what you were getting into by applying to a Catholic based program. My nursing program was also in a Catholic-based hospital. I never felt forced into participating in anything (other than pinning, but that's another story). I didn't mind walking past the chapel to go to clinical, or talking to the nuns.

You don't have to participate in the prayer circles. Get some steel in that spine of yours and just politely decline. Doing that now will help you down the road when there are more difficult issues to tackle.

kickatthedark

10 Posts

My hospital is public (Canada). We are not required to pray with patients. I had a patient ask me to pray with her yesterday. It makes me uncomfortable. I dont believe in prayer, and faking it would be dishonest. As far as "spiritual support", I dont think you need to be a personally spiritual person to do this. Simply be kind and call the appropriate person. I respect my patients right to their own beliefs. I do t feel I should have to participate in those beliefs to be a supportive nurse.

Specializes in Occ. Hlth, Education, ICU, Med-Surg.
Church-Lady-2s_zps16b5f0d6.jpg
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
Church-Lady-2s_zps16b5f0d6.jpg

Perfectly brilliant! :roflmao: And yes, quite "special"!

elkpark

14,633 Posts

I do agree with your stance. I pray a lot but I still call the chaplain for any patient's spiritual needs while in the hospital. The spiritual care staff members are excellent in providing for emotional/spiritual needs and often able to say prayers suited for all types of religions. However, if a patients asks me to pray with them, i will stand there, bow my head, and "pray with them". If asked to pray over them, I would politely say that I will call the chaplain for them as I have never done such for anyone.

Just a side note: I hope that these exact words you wrote (or "verbal" tone) are not conveyed the same way to your patients or their family members. As other posters have said, nurses are expected to provide a patient-centered care. If patients hear these exact words (with the same tone i am hearing in my mind while i read your post), the trusting relationship between you and the patient may get compromised.

I think being in this type of school with your disbelief in prayers would be really challenging for you (while you are in this school). However, I have seen others like you succeed anyway. You just really have to be careful with your words and actions as you chose to attend this religious school. Good luck!

A) The OP and the person writing about being in school at a religious university are two different people.

B) I don't hear any kind of negative "verbal tone" in what the OP wrote. On the contrary, I found it v. professional and appropriate. I would think that clients who are v. religious would prefer that nurses be honest with them and take steps to find someone who shares at least some of their beliefs to pray with them rather than just "pretend" to pray with them. I, for one, would find that offensive and belittling, and it would destroy any "trust" I had with that person a lot more thoroughly than someone saying to me what the OP wrote.

Lying to clients (which is essentially what we are doing when we pretend to "pray" with clients), even "little white lies," as in this situation, is not good nursing practice and is not building trust with or showing respect to clients. I'm surprised that so many people here are advocating for that.

ANMpreN

46 Posts

This is a pet peeve because the term "Holistic Care" gets thrown around with little respect for what it's goal is. It's turned into a buzz word, and I fear we will eventually throw the baby out with the bath water when we tire of hearing it.

I'm sorry if I offended you with my comment, but throwing the comment out was also not my intent to bash Holistic Care. All I was saying is that when I attended orientation the whole focus of the program seems to be Holistic Care. Yes, I do attend a Catholic school so I feel as this is one of the main reasons why it may be Holistic focused because of the inner being spirituality principals my instructors all spoke of. But I've also met a lot of doctors and nurses who practiced Holistic Care that day and the speciality does appeal to me.

Also the mission statement of the school states that it is a Christian University and as such all subjects are taught from a Christian perspective. It also says something like "You do not have to be a Christian to attend but you must respectful to the Christian traditions of the University.

If you find it that suffocating you should find a new school

I really like my school and I'm not prejudiced in any way to stop attending a school just because it is Catholic. Because I was raised differently and was not exposed to religion to be completely surrounded in it can make a person feel uneasy at first you wouldn't know how to act around certain people, but I'm getting used to it. Also I meant my statement of my school "suffocating" me as I as though you just can't expressed yourself how you really want to express yourself. But that small issue is not enough for me to stop attending my school but I've met some really great people and I do want to give the Holistic Care practice a shot.

Lol, sorry for my grammer; it's 7am in the morning and I don't have time to edit it.

Purple_roses

1,763 Posts

My hospital is public (Canada). We are not required to pray with patients. I had a patient ask me to pray with her yesterday. It makes me uncomfortable. I dont believe in prayer, and faking it would be dishonest. As far as "spiritual support", I dont think you need to be a personally spiritual person to do this. Simply be kind and call the appropriate person. I respect my patients right to their own beliefs. I do t feel I should have to participate in those beliefs to be a supportive nurse.

In my opinion, you are absolutely right.

CocoaLoverFNP

238 Posts

A) The OP and the person writing about being in school at a religious university are two different people.

B) I don't hear any kind of negative "verbal tone" in what the OP wrote. On the contrary, I found it v. professional and appropriate. I would think that clients who are v. religious would prefer that nurses be honest with them and take steps to find someone who shares at least some of their beliefs to pray with them rather than just "pretend" to pray with them. I, for one, would find that offensive and belittling, and it would destroy any "trust" I had with that person a lot more thoroughly than someone saying to me what the OP wrote.

Lying to clients (which is essentially what we are doing when we pretend to "pray" with clients), even "little white lies," as in this situation, is not good nursing practice and is not building trust with or showing respect to clients. I'm surprised that so many people here are advocating for that.

So i am right... People could interpret the OP's post in different ways. You interpreted it in a positive way while i DID NOT. Since we strive for a patient-centered care, i am only telling the OP to be careful with words and actions. If the patient shares the same beliefs as OP, then you can be honest and blunt all day about how praying is not EBP (ok, i am being sarcastic here in case you are going to disasgree with it not being EBP). But if he/she is religious and believes in prayers, you really don't have to elaborate on your beliefs like the OP wrote it. No need to say you don't believe in prayers. Keep it to yourself! The patient obviously believes in prayers... And for many people, prayers give them a sense of hope. Let them be. You don't believe in praying? Then stand there while they pray... It shows respect. While the OP didn't offend you, it does not mean it is acceptable to say the same statement to everyone else. I didn't tell him or her to lie. Nowhere in my post said anything about lying. You can be honest while being tactful. I only said to be careful with words or actions that negate someone else's belief systems. Please don't put words in my mouth :-) Thanks.

PS: I pray a lot. And honestly, anything that negates my sacred beliefs is offending to me. But I choose to filter what i say to others. Filtering is different from lying. We can agree to disagree all day. No need to discuss.

Purple_roses

1,763 Posts

Cocoalover, I agree with you. But I do think the OP was simply saying her/his view this way to *us*. I don't think this is how he/she addresses patients about the matter.

CocoaLoverFNP

238 Posts

Cocoalover, I agree with you. But I do think the OP was simply saying her/his view this way to *us*. I don't think this is how he/she addresses patients about the matter.

Thanks, purple roses. That's why I am just telling OP to be careful with words. There are people out there, like me, who believe in the power of prayers. That's all ;-)

OCNRN63, RN

5,978 Posts

Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.

I don't believe we owe patients anything more than helping them to connect with the right person to meet their needs. If nurses are supposed to be praying with patients, then why even have a hospital chaplain?

It's possible to provide holistic care without personally meeting every need a patient has. A referral to the hospital chaplain would be providing holistic care.

nursingaround1

246 Posts

Has anyone ever been invited to someone's place for dinner, and they pray before dinner? I politely bow my head and keep quiet. It's not lying, it's showing respect. In my years as a nurse, I can think of only twice when I've been asked to join in a prayer, and I quietly stood there with head bowed. They knew I wasn't religious at the time, but they seemed to appreciate my simply being there.

If you don't believe in God, you've got nothing to lose.

If there is a God, you might be doing yourself a favour.

+ Add a Comment