The Unwritten Rules Of Dating As A Nurse

  1. Dear Nurse Beth, I'm wanting to date a former patient. He was never my patient, just there while I was on duty ... Navy Psych Tech...

    The Unwritten Rules Of Dating As A Nurse

    I'm just curious if it is against any rules to date a former patient of mine at the inpatient ward?????? please let me know he's such a sweet man and we totally connected a few months after he was in!


    Dear Wants to Date Former Patient,

    Nurses are the most trusted profession and as such follow a code of ethical behaviors. There are no legal rules around dating a patient, but we are bound to a code of ethics. The ANA Code of Ethics tells us when there's a conflict between personal values and professional values, the conflict must always be addressed in a way that puts our patients' safety and concerns first.

    The intimate nature of nursing can lead to a risk of boundary violations and it's up to the nurse to establish the boundaries.

    According to the National Council of State Boards of Nursing (NCSBN) there are questions to help determine the appropriateness of dating a patient and guide professional boundaries.
    • How long ago was the nurse patient relationship? If it's a current relationship, dating is prohibited.
    • Was the care provided extensive? A one day stay in the hospital is different than a two week stay.
    • Is there a chance he'll be your patient in the future?

    In your case, he was not your patient, and you did not enter into a nurse-patient relationship. You connected after he was hospitalized. You are not violating any professional boundaries, and I wish you and your sweet man well.

    Best wishes,

    Nurse Beth

    Author, "Your Last Nursing Class: How to Land Your First Nursing Job"...and your next!

    This article is featured in the Fall 2018 issue of our allnurses Magazine... Download allnurses Magazine Now!
    Last edit by Joe V on Oct 9
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    Beth Hawkes (Nurse Beth) is an accomplished nurse working in Acute Care as a Staff Development Professional Specialist. She is also an accomplished author, blogger, speaker, and columnist. As Nurse Beth, she regularly answers career-related questions at allnurses.com Check out her book, "Your Last Nursing Class: How to Land Your First Job" Nurse Beth blogs at nursecode.com

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    8 Comments

  3. by   elkpark
    The NCSBN can say whatever it wants to; the standard in "Psych World," for all the mental health disciplines working in psychiatric settings, including psychiatric nurses (and CNAs, techs, etc.), is that it is never appropriate to enter into a personal relationship with former client (someone you met in a work setting). I've seen multiple people violate that well-established boundary over the years, and I've seen it blow up in their faces. I've never personally been aware of a situation in which it turned out well.
  4. by   Pixie.RN
    OP, if you're asking, you know there is an issue with this. It crosses lines that are best left uncrossed. I wish you both well.
  5. by   bsyrn
    Bad idea on so many levels.
  6. by   SobreRN
    Quote from Nurse Beth
    Dear Nurse Beth,

    Dating former patient he was never my patient just there while I was on duty ... Navy Psych Tech
    I'm just curious if it is against any rules to date a former patient of mine at the inpatient ward?????? please let me know he's such a sweet man and we totally connected a few months after he was in!

    Dear Wants to Date Former Patient,

    Nurses are the most trusted profession and as such follow a code of ethical behaviors. There are no legal rules around dating a patient, but we are bound to a code of ethics. The ANA Code of Ethics tells us when there's a conflict between personal values and professional values, the conflict must always be addressed in a way that puts our patients' safety and concerns first.

    The intimate nature of nursing can lead to a risk of boundary violations and it's up to the nurse to establish the boundaries.

    According to the National Council of State Boards of Nursing (NCSBN) there are questions to help determine the appropriateness of dating a patient and guide professional boundaries.

    How long ago was the nurse patient relationship?
    Was the care provided extensive?
    Is there a chance he'll be your patient in the future?

    In your case, he was not your patient, and you did not enter into a nurse-patient relationship. You connected after he was hospitalized. You are not violating any professional boundaries, and I wish you and your sweet man well.

    Best wishes,

    Nurse Beth
    Author, "Your Last Nursing Class: How to Land Your First Nursing Job"...and your next!
    I am still married and have been throughout my career so dating was a non-issue. I had a friend whom, upon her license being suspended for other reasons, had the BON dig through her entire life and dinged her on dating an ex-patient but this was working as a jail nurse and she'd gone way past what she should have on boundaries in getting too familiar with him while he was still in jail. I still think it is a bad idea in other areas of nursing.
  7. by   twinsmom788
    "Dating former patient he was never my patient just there while I was on duty ... Navy Psych Tech
    I'm just curious if it is against any rules to date a former patient of mine at the inpatient ward?????? please let me know he's such a sweet man and we totally connected a few months after he was in!"

    A few questions:

    Was he your patient or not? You seem to contradict yourself?
    You call yourself a technician so it appears you are not a nurse.
    Are you both still on Active Duty or is he a dependent?

    It seems you are already in a relationship with him.
  8. by   SpankedInPittsburgh
    Is this real?

    You want to date a guy you met as a patient in a mental hospital?

    Hey good luck but when he starts displaying all the reasons that got him placed in mental health treatment you sure as heck can't say you weren't warned
  9. by   Neo Soldier
    It's not so much that he's a patient, but that you met him in a psych hospital. Nothing against mental illness, however, this isnt the case where you met a guy, and then discovered he had a mental illness.

    I work in a psych facility and the patients there are really nice people of course that is until you read their chart and then it's apparent why they are getting treatment in the first place.

    You will ultimately do what you want but please try to get to know this person first.
  10. by   adventure_rn
    WHY??? Why is it always psych patients?

    This precise question comes up on AN at least once every few months. Psych patients are an inherently vulnerable population, and the nature of psych nursing care makes the whole situation even more questionable.

    OP, consider using the AN search bar to search for 'dating former patient' or 'dating former psych patient,' and you will see hundreds of responses with a myriad of reasons why this is a terrible idea.

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