You are to be admired for your integrity. I know it's cost you dearly, but you can at least comfort yourself with the knowledge that you did the right thing.
FWIW, I think it was high time for health professionals to discuss mental illness, and I'm gratified to see the various threads on this multifaceted topic here at AN. Somehow, our society---indeed, health professionals themselves---need to understand that people with brain diseases are HUMAN and deserve consideration, not condemnation; opportunity, not opprobrium.
You raise a tantalizing question: what if we could push a button that would take away our illness? Would
I don't know if you're familiar with Kay Redfield Jamison. She's a world-renowned psychologist, author, and bipolar 1 sufferer who has written several books on the topic, and when she was asked this question, she considered both the disadvantages AND the advantages of her condition. She came to the conclusion that if given the choice, she wouldn't
change it; because while it had caused her untold suffering, it also made her funny and smart and creative, and it had given her a unique view of the world around her.
I can't say I disagree. I can't even imagine
never knowing the exuberant, rapturous enjoyment of nature that makes the soul soar, far above mortal experience. I should think that an existence without being able to taste and see the sumptuous flavors and colors of life would be intolerably dull. Nor would I ever wish to live a life devoid of the thrill of seeing the world, and everything in it, as a symphony---the mountains, the valleys, the joys, the agonies, the sheer intensity
of it all. It leaves me exhausted......and yet fulfilled.
If that makes me "crazy", so be it. My life with what I call Big Ugly isn't easy, but I long ago gave up the idea that it was ever intended to be; what it's been
is one helluva wild ride. And I wouldn't have it any other way.