Struggling with anxiety/depression. Time to leave nursing for good?

Nurses Disabilities

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Hi,

I've been a RN for just over 4 years now and it feels like it's been an uphill battle. During school I did great and managed to graduate with honors. Got good reviews during my clinicals, though I remember being very timid/unsure when practicing new skills. Im an Introvert and struggle with social anxiety, especially in the workplace. Since working as an RN I've developed generalized anxiety and recurrent major depression. The first episode happened when I first graduated and was working in gen surg. The anxiety made me physically ill - lost weight, n/v, insomnia, THE WORKS. I felt like my performance wasn't meeting expectations, struggled with time management, constantly doubted myself and compared myself to other new grads that were catching on much more quickly. My perfectionist tendencies always kept me on edge. Lacked faith in my decision making and often sought advice from other nurses. Through Counselling, yoga, support from the Educator and Manager I eventually got through it. But still questioned if I chose the right career because of this.

Fast forward, to 2 years as an RN Just starting a FT line in gen surg another bout of anxiety/depression crippled me d/t work stress and relationship issues. The workload was extremely heavy, and a lot of staff at this time were feeling it as well. This time I needed to take a Medical leave as I was struggling at work in order to focus on self care with CBT Counselling, medication. After I started feeling better I decided to resign and try working in ambulatory care/endo for a change in scenery.

I really enjoyed it at first. I felt confident, was catching on quite quickly and receiving good feedback from colleagues. But after a series of inappropriate criticisms from a co-worker in front of other staff/patients and starting training in a new invasive procedure (which I felt was not a good fit for me) the anxieties returned. I became very self critical, lacked assertiveness, withdrew from coworkers, lost weight, low motivation, etc. I felt like I was wasting away, dragging myself to

Work everyday and eventually it caught up to me. Left me feeling depleted and powerless. I'm now on another medical leave for the last 4 mos and considering applying for disability. I've lost all confidence in myself. Feeling defeated after working so hard to find my niche and now back in a terrible rut. It's been 6 months of agony, and I forgotten what it feels like to be "normal" due to the depression. Taking SSRIs, doing counselling but still not much response. Afraid to return to work due to the stigma from colleagues and the longer I'm away the more the anxiety builds and concerned if I'll ever be "fit" to practice.

I'm thinking of walking away from nursing for good for my sanity but feel like I'd be wasting 4 years of education and setting myself back in life. I had thought about getting a Masters in Public Health/or Counselling but My confidence is so shook I don't think I could manage. Don't feel like I'm cut out for bedside and it's a challenge to get into Public Health / Community. Maybe it's time to get into retail or an office job. Has anybody been through similar experience and transition out of nursing successfully? How difficult would it be to take a break from nursing for a couple years and get re-hired without proper references?? Anybody else struggling with severe anxiety/depression, low self esteem but found an area that doesnt rattle you?? Anyone gone on Long Term Disability for mental health issues and recover successfully with a return to work?

Sorry for the long post/rant

SincerITY

0 Votes
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Hello, SincerITY, and welcome to Allnurses. We're glad you're here!

I don't know if I can help you, but I do want you to know that you're not alone. I'm on Social Security Disability Insurance because I suffer from bipolar 1 and anxiety disorders. I had to leave nursing after a series of breakdowns that damaged my reputation and ruined my self-confidence. I've been out of work for over 2 1/2 years, and seeing as how I'm pushing 60, my employment chances are poor even if I were to stabilize to the point where I could work again.

I'm glad to see you're getting counseling along with medications. But recovery from mental health issues requires a lot more. You need regular hours of sleep, a good diet, exercise, and time for meditation/prayer, whatever reduces stress and helps you relax. Perhaps you're already doing these things. Perhaps your depression/anxiety is hard to treat. I don't know. But I think you're better off not returning to nursing until your symptoms are under control. You may even want to file for SSDI and take the pressure off yourself for a couple of years while you heal.

Wishing you the best, whatever you decide to do. Hugs!

0 Votes
Specializes in home health 5yrs/ambulatory surgery 15yr.

I would like to know more about SSI I am just under 3 years DX colorectal CA. I suffer with bone pain that I try to self dx but then could be from 6 weeks daily radiation. I am Diploma RN almost 60 no computer skills and unable to physical work more than a few hours without rest. my last position was ambulatory surgery 3 days was killing me took 2-3 days to feel better then back. I have had no health care insurance in 2 years due to no full time work. Where do I start to get disability other than have Ca return then It would be a given. Dont know what to do when I apply for nursing jobs I shake, cry and just feel so much anxiety even reading job descriptions. How do I get help??

0 Votes
Specializes in Pediatric Critical Care.
I would like to know more about SSI I am just under 3 years DX colorectal CA. I suffer with bone pain that I try to self dx but then could be from 6 weeks daily radiation. I am Diploma RN almost 60 no computer skills and unable to physical work more than a few hours without rest. my last position was ambulatory surgery 3 days was killing me took 2-3 days to feel better then back. I have had no health care insurance in 2 years due to no full time work. Where do I start to get disability other than have Ca return then It would be a given. Dont know what to do when I apply for nursing jobs I shake, cry and just feel so much anxiety even reading job descriptions. How do I get help??

I am no expert, but since no real experts have appeared yet ;)......what about asking your doctor? They might know what steps to take. You can also go to the SSI disability website to see if they have helpful info: Disability Benefits

Good luck

0 Votes
Specializes in cardiac/education.

Hey SincerITY,

Wondering how you are doing these days?

0 Votes
Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
Hi,

I've been a RN for just over 4 years now and it feels like it's been an uphill battle. During school I did great and managed to graduate with honors. Got good reviews during my clinicals, though I remember being very timid/unsure when practicing new skills. Im an Introvert and struggle with social anxiety, especially in the workplace. Since working as an RN I've developed generalized anxiety and recurrent major depression. The first episode happened when I first graduated and was working in gen surg. The anxiety made me physically ill - lost weight, n/v, insomnia, THE WORKS. I felt like my performance wasn't meeting expectations, struggled with time management, constantly doubted myself and compared myself to other new grads that were catching on much more quickly. My perfectionist tendencies always kept me on edge. Lacked faith in my decision making and often sought advice from other nurses. Through Counselling, yoga, support from the Educator and Manager I eventually got through it. But still questioned if I chose the right career because of this.

Fast forward, to 2 years as an RN Just starting a FT line in gen surg another bout of anxiety/depression crippled me d/t work stress and relationship issues. The workload was extremely heavy, and a lot of staff at this time were feeling it as well. This time I needed to take a Medical leave as I was struggling at work in order to focus on self care with CBT Counselling, medication. After I started feeling better I decided to resign and try working in ambulatory care/endo for a change in scenery.

I really enjoyed it at first. I felt confident, was catching on quite quickly and receiving good feedback from colleagues. But after a series of inappropriate criticisms from a co-worker in front of other staff/patients and starting training in a new invasive procedure (which I felt was not a good fit for me) the anxieties returned. I became very self critical, lacked assertiveness, withdrew from coworkers, lost weight, low motivation, etc. I felt like I was wasting away, dragging myself to

Work everyday and eventually it caught up to me. Left me feeling depleted and powerless. I'm now on another medical leave for the last 4 mos and considering applying for disability. I've lost all confidence in myself. Feeling defeated after working so hard to find my niche and now back in a terrible rut. It's been 6 months of agony, and I forgotten what it feels like to be "normal" due to the depression. Taking SSRIs, doing counselling but still not much response. Afraid to return to work due to the stigma from colleagues and the longer I'm away the more the anxiety builds and concerned if I'll ever be "fit" to practice.

I'm thinking of walking away from nursing for good for my sanity but feel like I'd be wasting 4 years of education and setting myself back in life. I had thought about getting a Masters in Public Health/or Counselling but My confidence is so shook I don't think I could manage. Don't feel like I'm cut out for bedside and it's a challenge to get into Public Health / Community. Maybe it's time to get into retail or an office job. Has anybody been through similar experience and transition out of nursing successfully? How difficult would it be to take a break from nursing for a couple years and get re-hired without proper references?? Anybody else struggling with severe anxiety/depression, low self esteem but found an area that doesnt rattle you?? Anyone gone on Long Term Disability for mental health issues and recover successfully with a return to work?

Sorry for the long post/rant

SincerITY

As a psych nurse I would encourage you to see your psychiatrist. A medication adjustment may be in order and you will need his/her help in applying for SSI/SSDI in any case. You will also want to go to the Social Security website and order a copy of your most recent Social Security statement. This will tell you how much you have paid in and how much you can expect to get on a monthly basis both from regular SS and also SSDI. You may find that you have not pad enough in to be able to get big enough check to live on.

Bear in mind that it is notoriously difficult to get SSDI especially for depression/anxiety as your doctor will have to certify that you are permanently disabled. You might consider consulting a lawyer familiar with SSDI cases and claims to see if you are even eligible.

On a final note I have suffered from PTSD, Major depression and Anxiety most of my adult life. I finally settled into working in Psych and have been doing that for over 10 years. I love it. The hours are 8 hour shifts and I'm less than a 10 minute walk from work so no traffic. I stay compliant with my medication and don't let small stuff like off-hand comment from co-workers get to me. There are so many places to work outside of bedside nursing you just have to look really hard some times. Still it would be best if you got your mental health house in order first.

Peace and Namaste

Hppy

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