Every Mom, Dad, Sis, Uncle Believes They Know Better Than The Nurse...

azhiker96, BSN, RN · Jun 18, 2017

Sometimes I work hard to get pain on my postop from a 10 down to a 3-4. Then I bring in family who immediately ask the pt if they are having any pain. When the pt says yes, the family announces to me that the pt has pain. I confirm the pain, that pain after surgery is normal, and that I've already given quite a bit of pain medicine.

Invariably they ask what I've given so I reply honestly; 200 mcg fentanyl, 2 mg dilaudid, and 4 mg of morphine. I either get a deer in the headlights look or they turn to the patient and say "he gave you morphine, you shouldn't hurt anymore. "

BSN-PCU-RN · Jun 24, 2017

@ May 22, '16 by @greener22

I remember working on Thanksgiving and a patient's brother was an anesthesiologist. She decided to have some type of ice cream at 430pm. I was on my ac dinner medication rounds and he went off on me because she had to have her insulin at 5pm exactly, despite the fact that I had 5 patients who needed their supper insulin as well. He did not care about the other patients at all and she was at the far end if the hall so would get her tray last anyway. I had to stop midway and go see her before anyone else as he demanded it.]

My response: Oh brother! (literally)

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · Jun 24, 2017

As with so many life situations, we need to strike a balance. As some have pointed out, we can often learn from

family/visitors. Other times, we find their comments less than helpful/correct.

A lot of it is in the presentation. We have to guard against thinking we always know more and best, against

being resentful of even the most innocent questions and comments from families, and the like.

And we know, of course, that physicians many times are wrong. And we are the ones who, though often perceived

as inferior to doctors, keep them out of trouble.

anitalaff, BSN, RN · Jun 25, 2017

Penelope_Pitstop said:
Background: the patient is on dialysis after years of diabetes. Picture at least ten family members at bedside.
One family member (who knows the relation...sister, maybe? aunt?) says: "Well, I have the 'betes, too! But I don't need that dialysis because I keep glazed donuts in the ice box & I don't have sex."
Well then. Now we know the secret.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Thanks for telling that story!

Orca, ADN, ASN, RN · Jun 29, 2017

Brother-in-law, in his mid 50s and diabetic, believes that enough Benadryl is the solution to pretty much any medical problem, including when his blood glucose level spikes. Even more sobering, he has worked in a medical facility for years, he has been surrounded by nurses and doctors, and he still thinks this way.

Sister-in-law (wife of the above), refused a TB skin test for work because it would give her TB. Also insists that her Turner's Syndrome is a terminal condition for which she should be given disability and be paid to sit at home, and if you say otherwise, "You just don't understand."

A couple of years ago, I was DON at a women's correctional facility (I work in a male facility now). One inmate, who was always complaining about a lack of medical care despite having a medical file about a foot thick, was chronically noncompliant. When asked about it, she said that whatever instructions and medications that we gave her, she would discuss with her family over the phone, and they would decide what she would and would not comply with. She claimed that one of the family members is a doctor. If so, that is one unethical physician. This inmate was notorious for exaggerating and completely fabricating symptoms, and if she was doing it with us, I am equally sure that she was doing it with her family. This inmate eventually sued me and she also filed a complaint against me with the BON. Both were so incoherent that neither the federal court nor the BON could figure out what she was even alleging. I still had to waste time responding.

RNOTODAY, BSN, RN · Aug 13, 2017

I blame fully WebMd and sites like them !!!!

Editorial Team / Admin · Sep 8, 2022

When family gets involved...

Susie2310 · Sep 9, 2022

I think we have to be careful of presuming that family members are generally ill-informed and just get their health care information from the internet.

My experience is that some people within the health care industry appear to be very threatened by family members who are knowledgeable of health care or are themselves health care professionals, and/or who raise reasonable questions even in a respectful way about the way things are being done for their family member (the patient).

Scorning family members, dismissing their input, or otherwise making things more difficult for them, only leads to greater loss of trust on their part of health care professionals.

Patients don't usually receive their health care in a vacuum; they very often have trusted people in their lives who are involved in their health care who may provide them with support/caregiving, or whom they may include in their health care decision making. The manner in which health care professionals conduct themselves with patients' family members has consequences, for better or worse, that go beyond the present encounter.

Robmoo, ADN, BSN, RN · Sep 14, 2022

Just let them. You aren't going to change their mind or convince them that something that they read in the internet is prop wash. Many people just want someone to confirm what they already think. Correct the information once and let them believe what they want from there. Arguing wastes your time and only alienates them. The only way to win an argument is to avoid it. People will go through vigorous efforts to defend their beliefs. When they suffer for not listening, they may remember that you did give them some sound advice and they chose to ignore it. The wise ones will either listen or learn from The School of Hard Knocks and listen. The others will just go their own way. You can't help someone who does want the help in the first place.

Adendum: It might be possible to lead them in the correct direction with a few thoughtful questions. Start with questions that they almost certainly have to say "yes" to and work from there. Let them believe that they are moving towards your way of thinking on their own.

Kitiger, RN · Apr 19, 2023

Robmoo said:

Just let them. You aren't going to change their mind or convince them that something that they read in the internet is prop wash. Many people just want someone to confirm what they already think. Correct the information once and let them believe what they want from there. Arguing wastes your time and only alienates them. The only way to win an argument is to avoid it. People will go through vigorous efforts to defend their beliefs. When they suffer for not listening, they may remember that you did give them some sound advice and they chose to ignore it. The wise ones will either listen or learn from The School of Hard Knocks and listen. The others will just go their own way. You can't help someone who does want the help in the first place.

Adendum: It might be possible to lead them in the correct direction with a few thoughtful questions. Start with questions that they almost certainly have to say "yes" to and work from there. Let them believe that they are moving towards your way of thinking on their own.

Excellent advice. ?

No Stars In My Eyes · Apr 28, 2023

I have two family members who proclaim to all that they are so happy/glad to have a nurse in their family. But when it comes to wondering what they can do for or about certain symptoms....if my suggestion is that maybe they need to go to the doctor....I am roundly ignored. Other suggestions get arguments about why they "can't" do something....maybe a med that "doesn't work", or what happened "the last time." It is magical thinking they use, like, if you wait out something, it will eventually go away. Or they agree, but won't make any efforts to alleviate their problems, and in addition to that they are just plain noncompliant w/ doc, too, if and when they do go to a doctor. There is one family member who still blames me for not "diagnosing" the family member who eventually ended up in the hospital. OY!