Need Help

  1. I'll keep this brief, as I am not sure if this is the correct forum to post in. To cut a very long story short, my (very) young adult daughter is currently rolling around the city streets after becoming addicted to smoking oxy. Never in a million years did I imagine this would happen, but here I am; desperate, heart-broken, angry, hurt, lost, confused, ashamed, and generally utterly broken that we have lost our daughter to this wretched disease.

    I simply don't know what to do, where to turn, or how to help. She refuses to see she has a problem, and as she's an "adult" (I use the term loosely) I have no legal recourse and cannot control her or force her into rehab. The only thing we have control over is our own behavior and - as devastating as it is - is to refuse to enable her. We gave her an ultimatum - stay home and get help, or choose theft, dishonesty, sneakiness, and drug-use. She chose the drugs, and walked out with the clothes on her back and a shoulder bag with some random things in it.

    Please - any advice, point me to the correct forum, private message me, anything. I am desperate, heart-sick, and lost. I feel like I am just sitting here, expected to carry on with life-as-normal, and wait for the knock on the door to say my DD has been found dead in some seedy motel from an OD.
  2. Visit Apple-Core profile page

    About Apple-Core

    Joined: Jan '17; Posts: 886; Likes: 1,020

    23 Comments

  3. by   Ruby Vee
    Quote from Apple-Core
    I'll keep this brief, as I am not sure if this is the correct forum to post in. To cut a very long story short, my (very) young adult daughter is currently rolling around the city streets after becoming addicted to smoking oxy. Never in a million years did I imagine this would happen, but here I am; desperate, heart-broken, angry, hurt, lost, confused, ashamed, and generally utterly broken that we have lost our daughter to this wretched disease.

    I simply don't know what to do, where to turn, or how to help. She refuses to see she has a problem, and as she's an "adult" (I use the term loosely) I have no legal recourse and cannot control her or force her into rehab. The only thing we have control over is our own behavior and - as devastating as it is - is to refuse to enable her. We gave her an ultimatum - stay home and get help, or choose theft, dishonesty, sneakiness, and drug-use. She chose the drugs, and walked out with the clothes on her back and a shoulder bag with some random things in it.

    Please - any advice, point me to the correct forum, private message me, anything. I am desperate, heart-sick, and lost. I feel like I am just sitting here, expected to carry on with life-as-normal, and wait for the knock on the door to say my DD has been found dead in some seedy motel from an OD.
    Have you tried Al-Anon? Or, if you're a Christian, Celebrate Recovery? Perhaps counseling for yourself? You cannot make your daughter do anything, but you can find help for yourself. Good luck!
  4. by   Apple-Core
    Thank you Ruby Vee. Yes, I have come to the painful realization that I cannot control my DD in any way now she is an adult. It is painful beyond words to be sitting here knowing she is out there, likely high as a kite, and there is nothing I can do.
  5. by   LindsayRNL
    I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had to shape up because I hit my rock bottom. Continue to emotionally support her but not enable her (no money!). If you're in contact with her, offer to go to NA meetings with her if she would like to see what they're all about. Other than that, if she's willing to detox, take her to a facility. Good luck!
  6. by   Apple-Core
    Lindsay - thank you so much! It is so heart-warming to have support, even though it is online and from a stranger! Thank you!!!!
  7. by   markko
    I've been in Alcoholics Anonymous for 18 years. My group's sidekick support group for relatives of addicts is Al-Anon. I'm been around the neighborhood long enough to see hopeless people come in, gain strength and knowledge, and successfully deal with their relative's issue. Al-Anon's primary focus is on alcohol, but it doesn't matter the name of the drug that's being abused... all comers are welcome.

    Help and Hope for Families and Friends of Alcoholics
  8. by   Apple-Core
    Thank you Markko - we are attending a meeting on our area this week.
  9. by   Persephone Paige
    Very sorry for what you are going through... Death is always a possibility with addiction and addicts aren't oblivious to this, they've simply made the choice to risk it. I agree with everyone who has suggested Alanon. We can 'love' our children into the grave by constantly throwing a mattress down to soften the blow of their bottoms and lose all notion of who we are in the process. Our daughter just recently spent a few nights in her car because we do not trust her under our roof. Getting help for yourself is helping your daughter, anything that assists her in being able to use drugs longer is enabling. My counselor always used to tell me, "your children have their own little silver strand to God and you're not it."
  10. by   Apple-Core
    Thank you Persephone. I absolutely agree, and rationally I know that swooping in to "save the day" just enables her further. Sadly, that doesn't stop me being worried sick. Literally I am making myself ill, which makes me so angry because that means the drug now has me as a victim too, in a way. She has struggled with mental health issues (severe depression and anxiety from torturous bullying that lasted years, despite us trying everything, and I mean everything, possible to help). She eventually became so hollow and empty it was like living with a shell of a person. These drugs provided her with the first feelings of happiness she's had in years.
  11. by   meanmaryjean
    I'm just sending you a virtual but heartfelt hug. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through
  12. by   hppygr8ful
    I also send out heartfelt support to you at this time. I agree that Al-Anon of some similar group might be helpful to you. Having firm no-nonsense boundaries with your daughter is key. No backing down ever. Don't lose hope before the miracle happens as it does for alcoholics and addicts every day.


    Hppy

    In recovery and sober since 2002 after 30 years of drinking.
  13. by   Apple-Core
    meanmaryjean and hppygr8ful - thank you so much. Thank you to everyone, in fact. Your support means more than you can know.
  14. by   wondern
    Wow, this is sad and scary. I'm praying for your girl to see the light and feel the love out there for her from something good. It can happen. Why is there so much pain in this world?
    Lots of love to you too, Apple-Core. (((BIG HUG)))

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