You look too young to be a nurse

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Is something I hear from my patients constantly. I'm petite with I guess a lot of people consider a "baby face". I am told a lot that I look like I'm in my teens. Thanks? It used to not bother me, but now I think it's rude even if it is meant as a compliment. Why do you think it's okay to ask me how old I am or comment on the way I look? What if you walked up to a bank teller or a mechanic and demanded to know how old they were? It also stresses me out because I feel like I have to work that much harder to earn the patient's trust once they say that.

What I'm asking is, what would a good/appropriate response be when a patient asks my age/comments on the way I look?

Specializes in Trauma.

Try to come up with a funny answer. When I am asked, which is quite often, why I want to be a male nurse I just tell them because the surgery costs too much to be a female nurse.

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Specializes in ED.
Try to come up with a funny answer. When I am asked, which is quite often, why I want to be a male nurse I just tell them because the surgery costs too much to be a female nurse.

Hahaha. Good one!! I bet you get some looks! I once said to someone, "I thought it was never polite to ask a woman her age?" and it shut them up. And my bio teacher (a retired ENT surgeon) said to me, "you have two kids? You look like a kid and definitely not old enough to have kids!" my response: "haha. Well, yep I do. And I am old enough!" then a blank face. It makes me feel like I'm being judged. I hate it. But I'll get over it. I'm very sweet, so I'm good at winning people over with my great people skills. That's the ONE good thing that I do have that I know will help me to be a good nurse. I love people.. (I'm sure I may change my mind on this lol).

Anyways.. Love your response!

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Specializes in ICU.

Take it as a compliment? I dunno, I'm pushing 29 and I feel like I'm over the hill creeping ever closer to the 3-0, so when someone asks me "so dearie, when do you graduate?" I don't feel offended at all. All you need to say is your old enough to be a nurse. It could also be their way of gauging how experienced you are as well and maybe they think you don't have enough experience.

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Specializes in Trauma, ER, ICU, CCU, PACU, GI, Cardiology, OR.

what i'm asking is, what would a good/appropriate response be when a patient asks my age/comments on the way i look?

now imagine if you will, a 18yr. working as a nurse with his bsn that was me many moons ago. having said that, when patients say to me "i got underwear older than you, so how old are son?" i would answer "old enough to take the fifth on that one, and here's your pain medication mr. so and so" however, these days i take it as a compliment :cool:

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Specializes in CICU.

I admit, I am a bit jealous. I have never-in-my-life been mistaken for being too young... My mother had trouble getting "kiddie" discounts for my haircuts, etc., waiters started pouring me coffee when I was 12 (this was back before kids drank coffee, even before Starbucks [gasp]), and people were asking me where I went to college before I finished middle school...

Ironically, people have often thought of my mother as much younger than she is... Perhaps things will turn around for me sometime?

On a serious note, the older one gets, the younger those that ARE younger look. In other words, just because an older person thinks you look too young to be a nurse doesn't necessarily mean you look 14 =). Even I now think 27 is very young, mostly because I was such an idiot when I was 27.

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Specializes in burn ICU, SICU, ER, Trauma Rapid Response.

Just wow them with your competence and convince them you are a fierce advocate for them. Do that and thhey won't care how old you are or look.

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Specializes in Gynecology.

One of my favourites is "Oh, if I had a dollar for everytime someone said/asked that, I'd be able to retire now!" lol

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
now imagine if you will, a 18yr. working as a nurse with his bsn that was me many moons ago. having said that, when patients say to me "i got underwear older than you, so how old are son?" i would answer "old enough to take the fifth on that one, and here's your pain medication mr. so and so" however, these days i take it as a compliment :cool:

no kidding right? if someone made that kind of statement now....

i'd kiss them!!!! :kiss

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Thanks for the continued great ideas!

Just curious...some posters have mentioned that patients have the right to be assured, comfortable, et. cetera. While I completely agree to that, does that excuse being discriminatory? What if the patient didn't feel "assured" because someone looked too old? Too heavy? A certain nationality or race? Even gender? I am always going to be a patient advocate, but I will not make excuses for or justify that kind of behavior.

Thoughts?

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Specializes in MICU.

Depends on what you mean by discriminatory. Discriminate based on race, creed, religion, gender, sexuality, nationality - No

Based on educational merits and experience- yes. When I said a patient has the right to feel assured, that means assured with the CARE they're going to be given. Someone making a comment, "are you old enough..." alludes to them being curious about the experience the person has - OR alludes to them really thinking that the person looks very young for what they're doing and the education level required and that person should take it as a compliment or just reassure the patient of their experience.

There's a difference in discriminating against someone's color and someone's education. In this day and age where so many mistakes are made in healthcare, a patient has every right to be assured. But yes, I agree with you that someone's weight, gender etc has nothing to do with it. I just wanted to be clear on that and what I meant. I have a friend who just finished med school and looks about 17 (he's 26 or so) and gets asked all the time about his age. Again, take it as a compliment and move on with your day.

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

I don't think they are being discriminatory...they are seeking to be reassured. Besides, they are the one's in the vulnerable position it is no longer about you but it is all about them.

Your beliefs are not the consideration here, you get to go home....they don't they are the vulnerable ones. Your job is to care for patients, and be respectful, regardless of their beliefs, race, sex or religion.

That's just the way it is. You can't take all of this personally and to heart.....they don't want a young nurse find them an old one and move on.....it really isn't personal to you. If someone didn't want me to care for them because I had purple hair or tattoos....I'm not going to force my presence on them...besides, it's their loss because I'm the best nurse they will ever see. I have been called everything but blond and Caucasian..was I offended? NO, because I don't really care what some drug crazed or intoxicated stranger thinks. No skin off my nose.

I just move on. I hope this helps

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As always, great points. I'm still a sensitive gal, so that's something I obviously need to work on.

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