Define being supportive.

[CraigB-RN, MSN, RN]

I recently had an IM conversation with a member who accused me of being degrading and non supportive, and said I should make a public appology over comments I made. I called the poster naive.

The question I have from you all, is what is your deffinition of being supportive? Sometimes I get ticked off over the blind "ahhh that's to bad" type of comments that get posted here, with no one actually giving out any usefull information. Or for that matter wrong information. In this case is the deffinition of supportive a gender based thing? Or does being supportive always mean warm fuzzies when the right response may not be warm and fuzzy at all?

Of course I could be all washed up and have just turned into a crotchity old man.

[TazziRN, RN]

Depends on the sitchiation. You can tell someone s/he is being naive but still be supportive depending on what else you said. Most times being supportive is just providing an ear for venting.

[agent66]

I recently had an IM conversation with a member who accused me of being degrading and non supportive, and said I should make a public appology over comments I made. I called the poster naive.

The question I have from you all, is what is your deffinition of being supportive? Sometimes I get ticked off over the blind "ahhh that's to bad" type of comments that get posted here, with no one actually giving out any usefull information. Or for that matter wrong information. In this case is the deffinition of supportive a gender based thing? Or does being supportive always mean warm fuzzies when the right response may not be warm and fuzzy at all?

Of course I could be all washed up and have just turned into a crotchity old man.

I do not know the original thread post to which you refer but to me being supportive is offering words to help the person deal with whatever it is they are having difficulty. Unfortunately the words we hear are not always the ones we want to hear, but in the long run they are still helpful to us are they not?? I don't believe sugar coating anything helps anyone, honesty is always the best policy, BUT sometimes is better to say nothing at all.

[Joe NightingMale, MSN, RN]

I recently had an IM conversation with a member who accused me of being degrading and non supportive, and said I should make a public appology over comments I made. I called the poster naive.

The question I have from you all, is what is your deffinition of being supportive? Sometimes I get ticked off over the blind "ahhh that's to bad" type of comments that get posted here, with no one actually giving out any usefull information. Or for that matter wrong information. In this case is the deffinition of supportive a gender based thing? Or does being supportive always mean warm fuzzies when the right response may not be warm and fuzzy at all?

Of course I could be all washed up and have just turned into a crotchity old man.

I think you have to take into account the fact that in many situations there really isn't any useful information to give or course of action to recommend. Sometimes, as frustrating as it is, the only thing you can do is be sympathetic.

I do think that there may be a tendency for men to focus on solutions to a problem and women to focus on the feelings the problem brings about.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Warm fuzzies are indeed not always warranted. I think it's just as supportive to not give warm fuzzies and give them a reality check as it is give them phoney warm fuzzies.

There is a diplomatic way to give reality checks without being degrading. I think you're doing fine from what I can see.

Sometimes saying "aahhhh that's too bad" is the right thing to say.

Just be yourself, be kind and tell the person IMing you that you don't agree with their assessment of your posts and agree to disagree.

[vashtee, RN]

Some people are just really sensitive.

[SharonH, RN]

That's a good question and sorry I don't have an answer. It's definitely not a gender thing. In one discussion on this board, a member posted about being bullied in the workplace and I responded that I understood how she felt because I had been through it also as had most nurses. And she chose to interpret that as I was "diminishing" her pain. Well I had two choices: I could have explained myself and tried to make my POV understood or I could have said to heck with it, she could think what she wants. I chose option B. The reason is that a reasonable person would have tried to look at my response from a different point but this person had an agenda in her responses to me and she had to try to make my responses "fit" with her agenda.

The point that I'm trying to make(and yeah I know I went the long way), is that you cannot try to guess what someone's needs are when you respond to them. If you're not calling people names or being unnecessarily derisive, then that should be good enough. You answer in the way that you think is most helpful.

[nurz2be]

I recently had an IM conversation with a member who accused me of being degrading and non supportive, and said I should make a public appology over comments I made. I called the poster naive.

The question I have from you all, is what is your deffinition of being supportive? Sometimes I get ticked off over the blind "ahhh that's to bad" type of comments that get posted here, with no one actually giving out any usefull information. Or for that matter wrong information. In this case is the deffinition of supportive a gender based thing? Or does being supportive always mean warm fuzzies when the right response may not be warm and fuzzy at all?

Of course I could be all washed up and have just turned into a crotchity old man.

Well, if you think about it this way....if every time a new nurse "Screwed up" you gave them warm fuzzies..... patted them on the back....didn't help to "Correct" them....and just let things happen as they may...la ti da...... I just wonder how many more patients would either be KO'd or in really bad shape.....

Not to say there aren't times where u can say I feel bad for ya...and leave it at that....

Sometimes, me included, need constructive criticism...most of the time people who don't like constructive criticism are either completely insecure...or over confident in what they THINK they know....

Sometimes a drink needs sugar (tea)...

Sometimes a drink needs salt (Margarita)

P>S> I LOVED LOVED LOVED my crotchity old grandad...smartest man I knew....

[CraigB-RN, MSN, RN]

I think I'll have to go back to the old write it down first and then think on it before I hit enter. Oh well.

[deeDawntee, RN]

I recently had an IM conversation with a member who accused me of being degrading and non supportive, and said I should make a public appology over comments I made. I called the poster naive.

The question I have from you all, is what is your deffinition of being supportive? Sometimes I get ticked off over the blind "ahhh that's to bad" type of comments that get posted here, with no one actually giving out any usefull information. Or for that matter wrong information. In this case is the deffinition of supportive a gender based thing? Or does being supportive always mean warm fuzzies when the right response may not be warm and fuzzy at all?

Of course I could be all washed up and have just turned into a crotchity old man.

And no, support does not have to be all warm and fuzzy, but some diplomacy is called for...a hurting person doesn't need a bully coming on here spewing some hurtful opinion, hears that the 'support' is hurtful and won't back down or apologize for hurting the person more. It isn't about you!! If a person is asking for support, it is about them and their needs and not about you and your needs.

[leslie :-D]

i consider myself to be a very bare bones, no-nonsense person.

being supportive can elicit different responses, depending on the situation.

if it is indeed, a type of situation that the listener is helpless in providing any useful solutions, then usually a sympathetic response is given.

if it is a situation that the listener thinks the griever may benefit from a different perspective, then said perspective can be given, in the spirit of encouragement.

never, is there a time that being insensitive is acceptable.

there are ways of providing a different viewpoint in a diplomatic way.

being supportive is certainly not all about "warm and fuzzy".

sometimes it is.

i can't be drippy unless i'm feeling drippy.

and i do agree with the poster who said that men tend to look for solutions, whereas women tend to focus on the emotions.

a lot can get lost in these contexts.

leslie

[santhony44, MSN, RN, NP]

Also consider that it can be hard to get the nuances of what someone is saying through email, without tone of voice, facial expression, and so forth to cue us.

I try to think at least twice before posting anything. Sometimes I think three or four times, and I have at times written a response to something and then not sent it.

The gender thing can be a real issue, too, as some others have said.