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Now that they approved my reinstatement don't know if I want it

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by 5150RNKAT 5150RNKAT (New Member) New Member

5150RNKAT has 20 years experience .

641 Visitors; 7 Posts

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Hi I am Kat. Back in 2009 I voluntarily surrendered my license after going to rehab, and being diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADHD in 2006. I also had a legal issue involving substance abuse.

11 years later, clean and sober the whole time and having the mental issues under control I applied for a hearing to get my license reinstated here in CA. After being on the waiting list for almost a year they finally put me on the schedule. The hearing was very intense however, I was able to convince the panel (12) that I was capable to return to nursing.. However with the decision and order were many conditions including retaking the boards, taking a nurse refresher coarse and then being under "probation" for 35 months. At 52 and after being on SSDI for the last 12 years I don't have the money for one, and for two I don't know if I want to be tied down to the boards "conditions" for at least 3 years. I was more thinking of working part time doing telephone nursing or something non stressful. But to get my license I have to work in the hospital for 3 years, been there, done that...Anybody else have this issue or any advise please?

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VivaLasViejas has 20 years experience as a ASN, RN and works as a Retired/Disabled Nurse and Blogger.

336 Likes; 8 Followers; 141 Articles; 247,027 Visitors; 9,526 Posts

What you should do depends on how badly you want to get back into nursing. I'm older than you but not by a whole lot, and I'm on SSDI for bipolar I; my three-year review has come up and naturally I'm wondering if I should look for work in the event that some doctor who doesn't know me well says I'm able to work. I'm not, but even if I were, I'd think really long and really hard before investing time and money resurrecting a career that didn't treat me especially well. I can't blame nursing for my illness, but it did exacerbate a condition that had been latent for a long time.

Personally, if I were in your Danskos I wouldn't do it. Especially now that you've been clean and sober for so many years, and the BON wants to drag you not only through a refresher course (at a high cost) but also a monitoring program which will serve mostly to humiliate you and cost even more money over those three years. The refresher is definitely necessary since you've been out so long, but the monitoring would be a deal-breaker for me. Just my $0.02 worth.

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232 Likes; 3 Followers; 95,210 Visitors; 36,400 Posts

Reading your post, I would no longer give them the time of day. I would be content with knowing that the opening in the wall existed. It could not have been easy getting the disability, stick with it for your livelihood. Best wishes.

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grad2012RN has 1 years experience.

3,234 Visitors; 59 Posts

Hey Kat,

Many congrats to you and your sobriety!

I'm someone who became a nurse at an older age and I've learned the HARD way that med-surg is not for some of us 40+ year olds.... unless you're a charge nurse. I used to think people with substance abuse problems, some in my family, were pathetic.

Now, I'm ashamed to admit this, but, the thought recently crossed my mind of taking my patient(s) pain meds the last 2 out of 5 times I've been extremely stressed at work. I'm someone who doesn't even like to take ibuprofen.

The pay is low, lifting the patients hard, some patients/families think you're their personal butler (ha-ha, just made myself smile), understaffing, possible age discrimination if a hospital doesn't want to "invest" in an older-new worker, etc... Frankly, I can't believe I've persevered this long.

I would use that money to go into another health-related career or to do something different all together. Also, lucky for you living in Cali. Take a day at the beach and think it over. Best wishes!!

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5150RNKAT has 20 years experience.

641 Visitors; 7 Posts

Thanks for the advise to all of you.....I really started putting pressure on myself after I got the decision ...However you guys are right..It's not too cool to have to do all the time, spend all the money and work for three years someplace I don't like and having to be "monitored" is what I call a raw deal. I was thinking on the terms of what everyone (especially my family) wants me to do... I have always been kinda the "black sheep" but I realize now that I don't want to be in this position anymore. I wish I never even made the attempt....But I realize now I don't have to hurry. I am working part time doing UBER while on ssdi, just to help pay the bills. And I am content with that right now.....

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232 Likes; 3 Followers; 95,210 Visitors; 36,400 Posts

Many people do Lyft and Uber for more money. That could do it for you.

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5150RNKAT has 20 years experience.

641 Visitors; 7 Posts

I am ok doing UBER for now but the pay is lousy and a lot of wear and tear on my car. Not to mention commuting because I have to drive an hour to San Jose to make it worth my time. I have called the state voc rehab because I have thought about doing phlebotomy. I can't even challenge the exam even though I have been doing blood draws and Iv's for over 25 years. And I am good at it I don't get why they make this so difficult. All these things that seem to be against us. They are making it harder instead for me to do anything. I can't even get a job at a restaurant. I have applied at some places that require no license of any type. Now they tell me I am " over qualified" I didn't think my life would turn out like this I am 52, intelligent, experienced and can't find a job to save my life. I just wanna scream.

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VivaLasViejas has 20 years experience as a ASN, RN and works as a Retired/Disabled Nurse and Blogger.

336 Likes; 8 Followers; 141 Articles; 247,027 Visitors; 9,526 Posts

I am ok doing UBER for now but the pay is lousy and a lot of wear and tear on my car. Not to mention commuting because I have to drive an hour to San Jose to make it worth my time. I have called the state voc rehab because I have thought about doing phlebotomy. I can't even challenge the exam even though I have been doing blood draws and Iv's for over 25 years. And I am good at it I don't get why they make this so difficult. All these things that seem to be against us. They are making it harder instead for me to do anything. I can't even get a job at a restaurant. I have applied at some places that require no license of any type. Now they tell me I am " over qualified" I didn't think my life would turn out like this I am 52, intelligent, experienced and can't find a job to save my life. I just wanna scream.

I hear you, loud and clear. I went through a lot of the same stuff when I was fired from my last job four years ago...kept applying for jobs that I could do with a nursing license only to be told I had "moved around a lot" (3 jobs in a year) and not hired. I tried applying for non-nursing jobs and was told I was overqualified and asked why on earth would I sacrifice the pay of an RN for a retail position? Thankfully I was rescued in the nick of time by Social Security or I would have been homeless with a sick husband and three cats (who ended up having to be re-homed anyway). Now I'm almost 60 and we all know how great the job market is for people my age. NOT.

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5150RNKAT has 20 years experience.

641 Visitors; 7 Posts

yup i know.Luckily I have an excellent team of Drs and I was able tp get approved for SSDI the first time. The sad thing is that at my reinstatement hearing I was honest....Too honest I guess telling them that I had bipolar and a dual diagnosis made it even harder. Ye now I gotta prove I am not crazy due to the ignorance of people to mental health issues. It is bad enough as it is to have to grovel and beg for my license back. I never did anything to harm any patients, never diverted anything... In fact my supervisor was completely shocked when I told him I needed to leave and go to rehab. They even wrote a letter to the BRN stating I never showed signs of any impairment etc... But they dont want to customize the requirements based on each individual situation. It sucks and its making me more and more not want to do it at all. I am not some sort of idiot. I don;t want to have all my dignity taken away from me. I deserve better. they are really making this too hard.

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VivaLasViejas has 20 years experience as a ASN, RN and works as a Retired/Disabled Nurse and Blogger.

336 Likes; 8 Followers; 141 Articles; 247,027 Visitors; 9,526 Posts

Have you decided yet what you're going to do?

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5150RNKAT has 20 years experience.

641 Visitors; 7 Posts

Hi everyone, well for the update it's not looking so good, while I have been on disability for a long time now, part of my treatment consisted of quite a few ECT treatments.. If I were to do it again...NO way, I have lost memory and cognition. I have decided even though I was able to convince the brn I was capable, I and my docs, feel I would be jeopardizing patients well being if I went back. This and I don;t think I can even hang with it. I have learned life can be fine "going without" some things....I am very grateful to have experienced what I have, and I now know I am a survivor. I am very sad to know that I will not return to nursing, but I have hope .. Hope that people will quit saying I "used to be a Nurse" because I know in my heart I will always be a nurse. I am looking into a few thimgs however if I don;t take things one day at a time, I will become overwhelmed and risk a chance of failure and relapse....

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232 Likes; 3 Followers; 95,210 Visitors; 36,400 Posts

Sorry to hear things are turning out this way. Hope you can be at peace with this.

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