non religious memorials for neonates

BlueYYsRN · Feb 7, 2006

We dont host memorials but we do try to attend them. We will try to put something together for the parents if possible, especially if the child was with us for a long time. We have a digital camera and try to take pics of the kids as they grow. I,too, have wondered what to do for parents that is in a nonreligious nature because of the diversity we see in religons. One thing I have seen that seemed to fit is a butterfly release.

Editorial Team / Admin · Feb 7, 2006

I've named stars after the little angels who die (my patients), with the parents permission.

Finallyat40 · Feb 7, 2006

In the past, we've had a service that's held in the chapel, but is very non-denominational, cake and punch, etc. I also think that providing the family with a Christmas ornament (assuming it's appropriate) is nice. There are lots of ideas out there that you can use to meet the needs of whatever population you serve.

Jamie

Burnt Out, ASN, RN · Feb 7, 2006

The program at my hospital (RTS) hosts a memorial walk and then a Christmas party.

At the walk, we read poems and release balloons at the end. At the Christmas memorial, we have refreshments and place ornaments on the tree for our babies.

Gompers, BSN, RN · Feb 7, 2006

Once a year, just before Christmas, our chaplains organize a ceremony for all parents that have lost a child in the past year. Whether it was a miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal, or pediatric death - they are all sent letters in the fall about this ceremony. They hold it in the chapel, and they have a service where some of the docs and nurses speak. Then each family gets an ornament for each lost child, and they decorate the tree one by one. After the holidays, the ornament is sent to them.

Now, to do a non-religious one, I'd say that the balloon or butterfly release sounds like a good idea. Maybe if there is a park or forest preserve near the hospital, it would be a good place to start. Someone has to contact the parents, and a letter is always best I think. Maybe form a committe with nurses to take on this responsibility?

danissa, LPN, LVN · Feb 8, 2006

Thanks to all you guys for replying to my post! all ideas helpful, just wondering where to get the butterflys? This sounds lovely, very fitting, a wee flutterby from a butterfly is so peaceful dont you agree! our unit is moving to a newly built hospital soon ( well soonish!) and I also had a thought of asking the management (never an easy job!!!) for a bit of ground for a wee memorial garden just outside our doors, to plant a spring bulb for each lost babe, and perhaps a garden seat for parents to come and sit awhile.Dont know how parents would feel though, returning to the hospital where their babies lived and died. Parents come back, dont they, to show how well their babe is doing, and isnt it great to admire them!!! But I've never really seen parents return when their babe hasnt left our care with them. Would it be a horrible place to return to do you think? maybe a garden outside our unit isnt such a good idea?

Definately going to press ahead with the balloon/ butterfly release theme though!. Christmas ornament ideas sound so sweet, would love to do something along those lines also. Perhaps a wee tree in my planned memorial garden! Thanks all, am really grateful for any help or ideas! Love this site, you get so much fedback from all around this great big world! :yeah:

Jolie, BSN · Feb 8, 2006

Thanks to all you guys for replying to my post! all ideas helpful, just wondering where to get the butterflys? This sounds lovely, very fitting, a wee flutterby from a butterfly is so peaceful dont you agree! our unit is moving to a newly built hospital soon ( well soonish!) and I also had a thought of asking the management (never an easy job!!!) for a bit of ground for a wee memorial garden just outside our doors, to plant a spring bulb for each lost babe, and perhaps a garden seat for parents to come and sit awhile.Dont know how parents would feel though, returning to the hospital where their babies lived and died. Parents come back, dont they, to show how well their babe is doing, and isnt it great to admire them!!! But I've never really seen parents return when their babe hasnt left our care with them. Would it be a horrible place to return to do you think?
Thankfully, I have never known the anguish of losing a live-born infant. But I did experience a pregnancy loss. We had no burial or service of any kind, just our "memories" of the baby we longed to welcome into the world. Having a peaceful garden in which to sit and "connect" with my angel in Heaven would have been a welcome comfort to me.
Thank you for thinking of your families in such an important way!

mom23RN · Feb 9, 2006

I don't work in the hospital anymore, but I did lose a child and the hospital has a wonderful service every year. October is infant loss and awareness month so that's a nice time to do it. They have a large tent and each year they have a different parent talk to us about their experience. The hospital where our son was is a large NICU and PTCU (cardiothoracic ICU). They are one of the centers for cardiovascular surgery for congenital heart defects, so you can imagine how many children they lose each year.

After the speakers they have a walk through their arboreetum and they plant a tree. Then we go back for refreshments. They usually have a nondenominational minister do a prayer at the tree planting. It is a wonderful experience and I have not missed one yet. We even have friends we met at the hospital who come in from about 400 miles away (2 states away) for the memorial.

If you have any specific questions about anything I would love to help you organize something. It really makes a huge difference in our lives to know that people don't forget our children and that we can still "celebrate" thier lives.

mauigal · Feb 23, 2006

What about the Pastoral Care Department? That is part of their job and they have speacial traning for such things

kitty29 · Feb 24, 2006

We also host a "Rememberance Celebration" at our hospital...it includes all areas of the children's hospital. Both parents and staff attend...there are songs played while pictures are shown; than each family or if they do not come a staff member lights a candle for that child lost. After there is a lunch. Here families can visit with each other and with staff, some parents bring pictures or other memories of their child.

I don't go all the time...but have gone. It is a very touching day.