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Specializes in OR.

As I have decided that it is too much of a pain in the kazoo trying to work any kind of a nursing job while I have the program ermmm "people" inserting themselves between said position and my dignity (I do still have a small amount of that left even after this awful experience) I am opting to do something else whilst I wait out the time. I am at the roughly 18 month or so mark until I can re enter the market. In the meantime, I have actually gotten a retail job. As retail jobs go, it's not a bad one. Other than the near minimum wage pay, it's with a company that has a reputation for treating its employees very well and were I younger and looking for a career, would be a great place to have a career in.

i just don't know how I feel about working for 1/4 of what I used to make even though I am doing this more for sanity than money. I don't think it's humility because it's not really about the money. It's actually kind of fun. In all likelihood, I may very well stay around a bit after returning to nursing just for something other than nursing to do.

I don't know why I'm bothered. The only thing I can think of is that in spite of it being pleasant as PT jobs go, it's another thing was not exactly my choice so much as forced (not the best word, but it'll do) upon me by the sheer inappropriate application of these programs.

My current effort is to not be so angry because it's not helping the immediate situation and it's just making my ulcer worse, but sometimes it's really difficult......

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).

Hey Cat,

I get it! I actually delivered pizza for a few months when I was not permitted to work. While it was fun it also felt like a bit of a let down. Still my daddy used to say that any honest work was good work.

Having a job to go to where you can make some money and also socialize with pleasant peers is important. I am glad that you are attempting to let go of some of your very justified anger and I don't blame you for not wanting the BON breathing down your neck while you work. I am not sure where you are but if you are in Southern California you could always come work at our facility. We have a return to work program for nurses who are in monitoring and it is an amazingly supportive place to work. It's confidential so only the DON knows if you are in a program and she does all your BON paperwork.

For now though - I wish you peace and some form of happiness.

Hppy

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Specializes in OR.

It would be a horrid commute. I'm on the other end of the country. :-)

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I think it's a loss of control thing. Well it is for me. I resent the control TPAPN has over my life. I'm working at a place that isn't great but not bad, but I know I wouldn't be there if I wasn't worried about the awful disclosures during interviewing for a new job. I am DONE interviewing until I am out of TPAPN. I have postponed several trips I have wanted to take for years, because I don't want to go to Ireland and skip trying a beer in a pub, or a group camping/hiking expedition I want to try because of the get to know you evening that includes cocktails, and the cold beer around the campfire at night. I could easily skip the alcohol in all those settings, lots of people don't drink, but it bugs me that I have to. A friend just returned from Jamaica and brought me rum cake. I can't even try it, that really ticks me off!! I hate that my life, my choices, my activities, are not in my control.

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Specializes in OR.

Double post

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Hi everybody:

I haven't been active in a little while because life & my dreaded DNP Capstone are combining to make me miserable. I think its a sad statement that qualified nurses are not working in a profession they love and are subject to harassment simply because they have a disease. I think so much of this has to do with control issues coming out in powerless social workers and frustrated nurses. In many respects I feel they need more counseling than the participants / prisoners of these programs.

I met a substance abuse counselor recently (at my DUI safe driving class no less) and conversed about PNAP. I told her that I thought that punishment and treatment don't go together & shouldn't. She agreed. However, she said that "we don't view treatment as punishment". I told her that when you threaten somebodies livelihood and control them like they are a done for years that's not treatment that's extortion. I asked her if her job was jeopardized by getting a DUI & she looked at me like I was crazy and responded "of course not". Why is it any different for us? Why do people with mental health issues and a single DUI have to be sucked into this vortex of BS? I'll be honest. The single biggest thing I look forward to in life is having these heartless robots out of my life. I too hope to be able to have a drink in a bar in Ireland or a glass of wine with dinner again. I think its a shame that good qualified skilled experienced nurses are stocking shelves someplace in a nursing shortage when simple DAU's would tell an employer if we are clean & sober

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Specializes in OR.

I suppose what's even worse is that I recognize that I have an illness and I have no issue with seeing a Pdoc for medication management ( trust me, you have no idea how miserable you were until you have something to compare it to.) I have no issue with seeing a therapist. I honestly think everyone should have such a person to, if nothing else, unload on for an hour every so often.

Especially after this long, I don't need a contract to tell me that. I also don't see the wisdom in blabbing about it to my employer. Sure, let's hire the eminently qualified nut-job, right? We folks with mental illnesses are not "nuts" but sadly not everyone sees it that way.

All I can do is wait. When I do choose to start interviewing again ( ironically I know where I want and it's where I previously worked and they know about the contract but don't care about it) I will be able to market my self based on ME and my SKILLS, not on anything to do with this garbage. I already feel better about that prospect.

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I think that mental illness and addiction should be treated as diseases and have medically appropriate treatment applied by as medical professional. This is not what we get in these cases. In your case you have been diagnosed with a mental health disease. I doubt very much that sending you to substance abuse treatment, making you go to 12 step meetings and screwing your career is part of any treatment a non-biased medical professional would deem appropriate. Even for people with substance abuse disorders the idea of adding all this unnecessary stress to their lives is counterproductive. Isn't recovery supposed to restore lives for people can live to their full potential and happiness? All this seems to be missed by these programs. This ignores the fact that (in my opinion) recovery is a personal decision which is not imposed on an individual by a 3rd party. Like I say all the time. I'm not in recovery. I do what I must to keep my livelihood but none of this is, or would be by choice. I think this is why so many people in this program count the days down until they can have control of their lives again. If this was real recovery people would be relishing in the experience or at least accepting it as their choice. What I've experienced is people who are counting down the days until they can have an "I'm done with this BS party" that will most likely include copious amounts of mind altering substances. True 12 step & recovery praise every day of their sobriety. For me its just another step on a long road that I don't want to be on.

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Specializes in OR.
I think that mental illness and addiction should be treated as diseases and have medically appropriate treatment applied by as medical professional. This is not what we get in these cases. In your case you have been diagnosed with a mental health disease. I doubt very much that sending you to substance abuse treatment, making you go to 12 step meetings and screwing your career is part of any treatment a non-biased medical professional would deem appropriate. Even for people with substance abuse disorders the idea of adding all this unnecessary stress to their lives is counterproductive. Isn't recovery supposed to restore lives for people can live to their full potential and happiness? All this seems to be missed by these programs. This ignores the fact that (in my opinion) recovery is a personal decision which is not imposed on an individual by a 3rd party. Like I say all the time. I'm not in recovery. I do what I must to keep my livelihood but none of this is, or would be by choice. I think this is why so many people in this program count the days down until they can have control of their lives again. If this was real recovery people would be relishing in the experience or at least accepting it as their choice. What I've experienced is people who are counting down the days until they can have an "I'm done with this BS party" that will most likely include copious amounts of mind altering substances. True 12 step & recovery praise every day of their sobriety. For me its just another step on a long road that I don't want to be on.

This. ^^^^^^. Can I like this more than once?

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
It would be a horrid commute. I'm on the other end of the country. :-)

Well if you ever decide to come out West send me a PM and I can get you and interview at least!

Hppy

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I think it's a loss of control thing. Well it is for me. I resent the control TPAPN has over my life. I'm working at a place that isn't great but not bad, but I know I wouldn't be there if I wasn't worried about the awful disclosures during interviewing for a new job. I am DONE interviewing until I am out of TPAPN. I have postponed several trips I have wanted to take for years, because I don't want to go to Ireland and skip trying a beer in a pub, or a group camping/hiking expedition I want to try because of the get to know you evening that includes cocktails, and the cold beer around the campfire at night. I could easily skip the alcohol in all those settings, lots of people don't drink, but it bugs me that I have to. A friend just returned from Jamaica and brought me rum cake. I can't even try it, that really ticks me off!! I hate that my life, my choices, my activities, are not in my control.

What kind of "disclosures" were you asked about when you were interviewing for jobs, IF you're so inclined to (very kindly) respond?

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Specializes in OR.

In response to RoyalTeaRN (I didn't think to quote....)

Part of the stipulations that these programs place on your practice is that your employer has to be notified of this business, be provided with a copy of the contract (which tells them all of the dirty details that brought you into the program, work related or not as well as the requirements that have nothing to do with nursing practice), fill out quarterly reports on your job performance to be turned in to the program (god forbid it's late, it will be your fault) and deal with certain restrictions like no floating, no overtime, no nights, how you must be supervised, etc. At the beginning, many have a narcotic key restriction for a time.

Now you see why it's so bloody difficult to find a job. A lot of places don't want to bother with all this nonsense.

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