NICU parents becoming NICU nurses

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pengland1965

17 Posts

Heidi

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I dont know exactly how you feel since I havent lost my own child. However, I feel I can somewhat relate.

I became too close to a 25 weeker who was my primary baby for 9 months. His mother was 16. She had sevier mental problems. Her own father abused and raped her. The baby's father left when the pregnancy test showed positive. His mother loved him the best she could.

Austin was a pitiful little guy. SGA, BPD. extreme oral aversion,G-tube, bilateral hernias, frequent UTI's and PVL. Already showing signs of CP. Spent most of his life on HFV and versed. When he wearned off the vent he was a very cranky boy. Very difficult to calm. He frustrated most of the nursing staff. Many asked not be assigned to him. But with each nurse that signed off on Austin, I gave him another piece of my heart.

I became so much involved that I took Austin as my foster child. Long story short, Austin was my son for 9 short hours. He was d/c from the unit May 7th at 6 pm. He died at 3 am. Septic. Gram neg rods. The Dr's stated he would probably have died even if he hadent been d/c'd. They tell me,"Be happy. You gave him something nobody else could have given. Life outside a hospital" Maybe someday I will be happy when I remember that. I hope so.

EMT's were called. There was a code in my bedroom. His heart began beating again only to take me on a rollercoaster ride to the PICU of a different hospital for 2 more long days. Which is what it took to convience his young mother that there was no hope and withdrawing support would be the most loving act she could do for him.

I did not give birth to this child. I do however, have 2 children of my own. I gave this baby his 1st bath, and his last. I could not have loved him more.

Returning to work was very difficult. It is not easy to escape the memories when the unit was my life with him. But at the same time, the unit is my last connection with him. I feel like, in a way, he is still with me emotionally. My co workers understand why sometimes tears comes to my eyes for no appearant reason.

You might try an externship before you spend major time and money to be a nurse. Especially if the NICU is the only place you are considering. Also, some units have volunteers or cuddlers. Who's only job is to hold and love the babies. God Bless You. I pray everything works out for you.

neonatalRN

134 Posts

That was a beautiful post. I am so sorry about what happened to little Austin. My son was also septic with gram neg. rods. I think it was a beautiful thing you did for him. I was already accepted to nursing school before any of this happened. I know for sure I want to be a nurse. And I really think NICU is my calling. What is a preceptorship?

pengland1965

17 Posts

My heart really goes out to you. If you believe the NICU is your calling, by all means, go for it! I love my job. I wanted to be a NICU nurse since I was a child. I loved Austin. And as crazy as it sounds, I would do everything again in a heartbeat. Even though it was a very sad experience, it did change my perception of death in the unit. Ive used the experience to change how I work with parents.

Losing a child is so difficult. Give yourself lots of time to heal. When you get to the NICU clinical in school, I believe you will know if you should be there, or not.

In our unit, a preceptorship is a program for soon-to-be/new grads/new hires. They follow a mentor. Basically, its a" try it and see if you like it", deal. Gives the new person time to see if the NICU is the place for them. Without feeling the enormous pressure. Plus it saves the unit $1,000's for orienting a person only to have them leave soon after. In our unit, if your still in school, you gain experience/credit. If you have already graduated, and the hospital has officially hired you, you get paid. Please let us know how things are going for you.

renerian, BSN, RN

5,693 Posts

Specializes in MS Home Health.

I am very sorry for the loss of your son. I could never be a NICU nurse. I am glad there are nurses out there who like that type of nursing.

renerian

NicuGal, MSN, RN

2,743 Posts

Specializes in NICU, PICU, PACU.

I am so sorry :( We have several nurses that had kids in NICU's that are now nurses...but we also has others that lost little ones and had to leave the NICU. They tend to be very verbal over the kids that were like their kids...sometimes that isn't good for the parents. But the others are able to sympathize and relate their experience to the parents.

neonatalRN

134 Posts

NICUGal, I have already thought about that, and decided I wouldn't talk about Ethan to the parents of the babies like him (probably won't be too many like him anyway), but just use my experience to say to them what I wish would have been said to me.

NicuGal, MSN, RN

2,743 Posts

Specializes in NICU, PICU, PACU.

My other question to you would be...how would you be floating to peds or comprehensive or PICU? Many places float to other maternal child.

I give you, and the girls I work with so much credit...I don't think I could go back to the unit if I had a baby in there that didn't make it. Go go girl!

neonatalRN

134 Posts

I haven't thought about floating, but don't think I would have any problem with that. Will know more when I do my clinicals I guess. I really admired Ethan's nurses, they were like angels to me.

ejpace

2 Posts

I'm sorry to hear your loss. My baby was 3 lbs when she was born and stayed in a NICU for a couple of weeks. I decided to become a NICU nurse because of this experience. I relate very to the parents of my patients because I went through what going through. Goodluck!

Specializes in Pediatrics, Geriatrics, Call Center RN.
Originally posted by ejpace

I'm sorry to hear your loss. My baby was 3 lbs when she was born and stayed in a NICU for a couple of weeks. I decided to become a NICU nurse because of this experience. I relate very to the parents of my patients because I went through what going through. Goodluck!

How do you deal with the memories? Or is it fast past enough, or different enough that it doesn't bring back your NICU memories? I really want to go to NICU, but to be reminded of those 3 horrible months, and the doctors telling me they didn't even measure a length on my baby because she was not going to make it through the first night......it has to be hard for you, how do you get past it?

ejpace

2 Posts

The first couple of months working in the NICU was very difficult for me. I cried everytime one of the babies died. I hated starting IV's and doing heelsticks on tiny babies. I wanted to leave but our unit was already short-staffed to begin with. I stayed because I was needed there. Sure, we do have a lot of sad stories but also have happy ones. It's a joy to see my former patients come and visit our unit and see them doing so well. It's makes feel proud to think that I helped those babies get better.

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