:angel2: (((( HUGS )))) :angel2:
I'm glad you have a place like this to get your feelings out and let yourself cry when you need to. We work in such a unique area of medicine - not many people understand what we go through. It's great that we have each other, even if it is over the internet.
When I experienced my first neonatal death, one of the nurses on my unit told me that it was okay to cry. She said that when the death of a baby STOPS affecting you, then it's time to get out of the NICU. It's always heartbreaking to lose these babies. Sometimes it's even more heartbreaking when they hold on for too long and we have to watch them suffer. There are worse things than death, don't you agree?
Where we work, there are such highs and lows. You can take care of a baby that is sicker than a dog one day and come back three days later and find out that the baby has turned the corner and is doing amazing. Babies are so resiliant!!! You can also take care of a stable feeder-grower who gets sick and is dead in a matter of hours. When the kids are doing well, it's wonderful - we're watching miracles happen and are so happy for the families when their babies get better. But when the kids are doing poorly, it's downright heartbreaking. Not many people have to deal with the death of a baby, but we do it all the time. Sometimes I wonder where we find the strength.
I hope you have a good cry and take care of yourself over the next few days. I'm so sorry you're having a rough time at work.