New and scared

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Hi all,

I am really glad I found this website. I was feeling so alone. Was fired for diverting and am losing everything I have. I am starting with counseling and finding meetings. I feel so stupid about what I did. I know I have a looooooooooooong journey ahead of me. Any support is very welcome. You all are great!

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Rest assured you are NOT alone! This can be the beginning of a new and way better life. This is certainly not the way many of us believed was the beginning of a better way, but after reading many posts of nurses who have come before us.... Recovery is real and very possible. Try to do 90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor and a support group. You can recover, one day at a time!

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Specializes in Impaired Nurse Advocate, CRNA, ER,.

Hang in there my friend! You are most definitely not alone. Tons of folks here who are living proof recovery can and does happen. I celebrated 16 years clean and serence last Monday. If I can do it, anyone can!!!! Take it one day at a time! (You'll hear that a lot!).

Were you reported to the board of nursing? If so, consider a license defense attorney before speaking with investigators. We have a tendency to get :diarrhea of the mouth" when confronted by investigators.

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Thanks for your replies. I was reported to BON and also to authorities. Already had investigation. Unable to afford attorney. I havent worked in over a month now. I am enrolling in monitoring program. I am more worried about the legal aspects as well as finding a job and ofcourse my recovery. I live in a very rural area so there arent many jobs here. I guess I am just looking for moral support.

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I know how worried and afraid you are right now, but it is very importnat to remember that your recovery is THE most important thing right now. Ultimately you may have to find unemployment in another field besides nursing for a time, but don't get discouraged. I heard at a meeting once that our level of fear is in direct proportion to how strong our relationship is with our higher power. I know that if I am not praying daily and being grateful for the wonderful things I still have left (like my life), then I feel really lonely and depressed. We need all of our strength to recover from this disease on a daily basis. I will be praying for you!!

What state are you in?

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Thank you Mona, I am in VA. It will be hard to even get hired at McDonalds etc. They all do back round checks. But no matter what I will never allow myself to go through this again. I am praying daily and trying to get into 12 step meetings. I will beat this! Thank you for your prayers.

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I am in Indiana and have not worked since end of November. But i have meetings and a sponsor that I love and have started doing real step work, so i am blessed. Truthfully, I am very glad I am not working right now, but know that I will need to find something eventually. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

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Thank you. I sure will. I wish I was able to commit all of my time to my recovery but I am about to lose my house and car etc. I am very scared. I keep waiting for the police to knock on my door. I am trying to arrange a meeting with the detective. I am hoping that will help.

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sharonrninva- hang in there! i know what you are going through is very scary, indeed. take it one day at a time. tackle one thing at a time. focus first & foremost on recovery. everything will eventually fall into place. you have lots of hard work in front of you, but in the long run it will all be worth it, & you will be amazed at your life! best of luck, may God bless you!

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Specializes in Impaired Nurse Advocate, CRNA, ER,.
Thank you. I sure will. I wish I was able to commit all of my time to my recovery but I am about to lose my house and car etc. I am very scared. I keep waiting for the police to knock on my door. I am trying to arrange a meeting with the detective. I am hoping that will help.

If the police are looking at you for criminal charges, talk with a public defense attorney. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney to be present during any and all questioning. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Take advantage of that! Yes, I understand you can't afford one for the licensure end of things, but don't try to do the criminal stuff without an attorney. I don't say this to frighten you. I just want you to have what the constitution provides for us. You might not feel like you deserve good things to happen...but you DO!

Remember this...you are NOT a bad person trying to become good...you have a chronic, progressive, potentially fatal disease and are trying to get well! YOU ARE NOT BAD!

Feel free to PM if you want.

Jack

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Thanks jack and txrn. Does a public defender do just as good as a private paid attorney? I have never had to do anything like this before so I am just very scared. Thanks for the support!!! :confused:

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There are many excellent public defenders out there. When I was interviewed many years ago, I really didn't have any idea of the gravity of the matter and spilled my guts! (amazing what lots of opiates will do to a perfectly good brain) Fortunately, when I told the detective I had already entered into treatment and a monitoring contract, he concluded the interview and wished me luck.

I know it doesn't always go that way, but I have found that optimism keeps me from making a bad situation worse and I wanted to share positive experience with you.

Lots of luck and healing vibes!

All Over Again

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